My external hard drive shit the bed this morning. The only way to progress was to format the disk, and in doing so I would erase all the data. So, considering a different path I chose to walk to the computer shop.

It was 0900 when this happened and the shop would not open until 1100. I would try using my laptop to read the disk; no luck. Before I would start traveling to the shop I would notice a WinDLG file, but think that there was success to be had at the shop.

The shop failed to open on time, shitty business practice.

I then came home and I would continue to attempt to read the disk. There are 2 terabytes of space, but it was storing 931 GB as indicated by the properties reading, but because of configuration the disk was almost full. It was not until I was reading the manual that I would discover that because of a data protection setting the storage was cut in half.

At home I would run a diagnostic test on the disk using file WinDLG, requiring 255 minutes. The diagnosis was not favorable, and wiped the disk clean. I figured all is lost, and I would then format the disk.

I started at the wd site, because inpatients rules the day, I then trusted that Google would provide a suggestion. The EaseUSA Data Recovery Wizard was the software recommendation resulting from the input, “after formatting is data recovery possible”.

I am now performing a scan, and represented within a list of files only a click away are the files I thought were lost. As I open the lost files I realize the files are lost and I was out monies I could have put to better use. Strength shows not only in the ability to persist, but to start over.

QN8EY-2B6Y7-I54EV-AQ522-HVWSV
This is the security key to shit.

…jus spit ball’in! (when ideas fail, words are a good substitute)

If one makes young people aware of the important facts of life, then it becomes unnecessary when they become older. Fred said it best, “one can raise broken children easier than it is to repair broken men”.

When in discussion to report weekly activities all one could report was the latest endurance test. Because of being a product of my environment, I believe that a measure of a man rest solely in physical attributes. In the world of adults the primary attribute is organization. Is one organized/knowledgeable enough to get the job done?

When one finds themselves eating dirt on the street or in local jails, it is of no concern to others the reading level represented by the individual; but what could be of concern, would be a pathway to self sufficiency. i.e. job

The most physical of jobs required intellect garnered after grade school; also required, were certain abilities customary to an active person. The argument I make would be that I am a forty year old man doing 900 pushups within 125 minutes. To which the response assuredly would be, why? But to maintain a daily average above 500 I can testify to the hard work and perseverance that needs to take place.

So, in discussion when I report the latest endurance test, which is a single topic because that is all I know, I am simply relating what is important and true to me. I believe the hardships have begun to influence daily life, and that a job search of the local area could happen.

Strategy…

i sold all of the ENT i had acquired.  SIRI is more than twice what i paid for it; i sold it when the stock almost doubled.  with the proceeds becoming shares of SIRI.


sold the shares of ENT i owned…


seeing siri rise in price by almost three times caused for a long position.

i bought at .12, sold at .20, and it is now at .365.

this is really not a strategy; as in a well thought plan, it is just rumor.

Buy on rumor, sell on news!


Strategy…


at the end of the day, just as markets were closing, the want to go long on E-trade was what would happen; although i felt market timing was on my side seeing how i would wait until 3:45 to place the order.  following the stock on the computer i realized my limit order was low as i saw the stock increase in value; just as i directed the mouse pointer over the word cancel the order was filled.

tax law…

i have been presented with a family issue that needs a current perspective…

in addition to assisting, along with being a productive member of the family, i will develop a way to create revenue.

how i c events…

…stream of thought

an introduction to many …

this live preview is not the reason for…

an outline concerning an upcoming manuscript…

…accept change, its a part of life; but that will not make the situation better or provide the necessary relief from stress caused by change.

…reset button

what works on wall street, by j.p. o’shagnasty is the chosen educator for now.

investing n the S&P has proven to b a consistent long-term strategy with returns better than seventy-percent of professionally managed investment funds, but at the conclusion of o’shagnasty’s education i will have reviewed investment strategies capable of higher returns; implemented and employed with discipline.

…n other news
a move to real estate investing has been inspired by uncertainty in the forecast. the land owners…


…the story behind them


At first being a dic soon turned into being a drunk dic. I gave ample reason for them to call the police, and they did.

The next day i was able to locate one of them, and thought the more expensive of the two had to be relinquished as a result of police presents.
I only had a reason soon to b a self fulfilling prophesy, and again a police confrontation was predictable. This incident did not allow for waking up in my bed; once released a property bag was given without certain items.

But if i were to have an altercation, was the excuse given.
Only equipped with the choice one i would go to REI to replenish the feeling of having all three.
It was cinco de mayo, and i thought that i would not want to b without; so i carried the shortest. Again a self fulfilling prophesy; upon receipt of the property bag i noticed it was gone, but everything else was accounted for.
Three days later via mail i would receive notification that my property had been located, and that i could pick it up at headquarters. 


Breaking News…

As reported n cities along the east coast the burden of exposure to a triple digit heat index would not b relieved by a power consuming air conditioner.

As a way to alleviate oneself from the predicament created by nature, one man, a Darwin award inductee, was found dead n his car. After further investigation and autopsy it was concluded that in order to remain cool a decision was made to allow for the running of his car, n the closed garage, to benefit from the cooling effect of air conditioning. Because the vehicle had discontinued operating when professionals arrived at 1600, a determination as to when the carbon monoxide became potent could not b made. A time of death was established for 1100, and a result of heat exhaustion; which allowed for loss of consciousness.

n other news…
A recent theory as to nature and business coming together. Nature providing the storms that cause a power outage, and the heat that will remain unbearable. Businesses providing refuge from the heat, but requesting that only paying customers remain.


i started the new year at a new gym, but this gym would b further away; not wanting to depend on others for a ride i would elect to walk home. because of believing that being hit by a car is an indication to the hazard of walking, and having been hit twice i show concern by walking fast.
i have walk 42miles this year, i have not followed ne routine at the gym but i am going for at least the warm up (100 squats,150 push up, 200 sit up); away from the gym rehab for a pulled back(two weeks since)

1/31/2013 was at college where i was able to “hit the gym”; 150 situps, 100 pushups, shoulder workout; lower back is at 96% after nearly three weeks.

2/1/2013 arrived at the college to conduct a routine (breakfast, billiards, weight training, project); how it went (warmup, breakfast, billiards, project) lower back was 97%

2/11/2013 100situp 150pushup, 100ObliqueLeft,100ObliqueRight, bicepWorkout

2/12/2013 100situp,150pushup,50ObliqueLeft,50ObliqueRight,backWorkout

2/13/2013 100situp,150pushup,50ObliqueLeft,50ObliqueRight,shoulderWorkout

2/14/2013 175situp, 150pushup,50ObliqueLeft,50ObliqueRight, chestDumbell, tricepCable

2/15/2013 mentalWorkoutNbaltimore, physicalWourkoutAtHome

2/25/2013 170pushup,170situp,chestDumbells

3/1/2013-3/3/2013 mentalWorkoutNhowardCounty, physicalWorkoutNextTwoDaysIncarcerated

3/10/2013 265pushup,200situp,100lowerBack,back&bicep,shoulder,chestDumbells

3/11/2013 100pushup,100situp

3/12/2013 100pushup,100situp,100dips, shoulder
3/13/2013 100situp,100pushup,100dips,100obliqueLeft,100obliqueRight,back&bicep

3/14/2013 100pushup,100dips,80situp,20ObliqueLeft,20ObliqueRight,chestDumbell

3/15/2013 200pushup,200situp,200dip,2/3chest&tricep,back&bicep,shoulder
3/16/2013 100situp,100pushup,bicep,chestDumbell,shoulder

3/19/2013 150situp,150pushup,2/3shoulder,back&bicep,chestDumbell

4/8/2013 at the beginning of the month i would start a vacation period lasting one week; from 3/19/2013 until the start of the month workouts were sporadic, completing the warm-up. that brings to present where at the gym i would complete 100lowerBackRasies,150pushups,50situps,chestDumbells, 2/5shoulderWorkout& pulled the anterior deltoid n the left shoulder.

…if only to reflect on the first quarter; 1825situps,2235pushups,at the start of the year i was rehabilitating from tearing a muscle n my lower back.

there have been workouts during the time since the first week n April, but mostly just the warm-up and walk;

yesterday, 4/22/2013, was the first attempt at squats this year; had wanted to complete 10sets but was only able to manage 4, which would equate to 50 repetitions.

4/23/2013 averaged 4mph on a one mile walk for the first time

4/24/2013 150pushup,150situp,100squats

4/25/2013 100pushup,100situp,100squats

4/26/2013 150pushup,150situp,100squats


…boredom begets boredom

dropout-disabled-convict…

…is a terrible predicament to find oneself, and that the hiring process is short lived; but there is an ironic element to the way life proceeds. the second half.

most careers have background analysis with regard to certain aspects of human behavior. i fail to meet the standards n criminal history, financial security, and prospects.

it is difficult not to focus on  misguided youth n a way that will have me confused as to what the responsibilities for an adult include.

the responsibility required to support another is at times a foreign concept. with most of the time being consumed detailing my daily life.


…recently I have discovered a different…
because of stress created by another a defensive approach to continue…

I have applied for work at two locations close enough to walk; that may become stressful.

…that was an attempt at transcribing the positive aspects of my life; few.
I feel it to b more exciting to read about obnoxious behavior; I stand corrected.

…summation of events local or otherwise

at this moment i am not current on many of the issues other than those that concern me. i was called selfish today to which i replied that the person was correct. i will not fault my ancestors for relying on behavior to ensure survival; and through genetics, heredity.

issues concerning me r few because i will try to avoid situations where i fail to realize the advantage. it makes relationships difficult at best, and eschew at worse.

i have been able to fulfill the probationary requirements pertaining to an arrest made n May 12′; that will leave six months until i absolve of all probation. These few months r for a violation upon my arrest September 12′.

the reason this is matter of fact is that required meetings associated with probation r no longer necessary. currently the stipulation made is to routinely attend therapy sessions.

school looks good from behind bars!

…a thought
for the process of allowing organs to do what is necessary for life; is different from the idea of excluding free radicals, and the like, from an ingestion point. because of being multicellular humans need nutrients to sustain life, and through environment humans obtain the required amount. along with needed nourishment ingested by way of eating

The morning started as it usually does when I accompany the group of young shooters to the museum. 0830 n the morning, on the bus, and i was aware of the recent bus accidents/fatalities and felt the odds favored a well-rested sober driver.

Arriving at 1000 inspired the hurry-up and wait mentality because the tour started at 1100.

Along the tour I could relate to the competitive aspect as it evolve. N the beginning a discharge of a rifle was little considering the effort. Once the evolutionary timeline starts to show evidence of modern firearms the curiosity engaged.

…two hours later, looking for the exit, I would realize there r no chairs n the lobby. Which, because of the desire to have an empty lobby, makes the return less likely.

…schadenfreude

there would be few people who comprehend schadenfreude at the true essence; but one to speak of is a man who became engaged in the abuse of heroin to feel good. But heroin was just a start of behavior which lead to the abuse of steroids to look good.

The abuse of drugs has led to a desire of feeling and looking good all the time, and now one cannot feel good without prescription drugs.

For those who have witnessed the experience from the outside cannot b responsible for feeling schadenfreude, irony, and humiliation.

…another chance to begin anew

Twenty-four hours less is the start of a new year and with it a sense of completeness concerning actions for the new year.

The chances given, and the plans made have managed to get disturbed. The situation will be calm and progressing effortlessly when the decision to progress at a loss is been made.

I must abide by rules enforced by the state that are more stringent than laws. Inspiring a behavior that will remain a condition of daily living. The necessary adaptation to behavior displayed by inmates was enough encouragement for the decision; I do not intend to become a ward of the state, or county.

With the discovery regarding the aspects of life a learning process has also taken place. The learning that remains necessary for growth. At an age when nothing new comes the initial realization of excepted behavior is. Routine is a reliable factor in completing most tasks without much thought dedicated to achievement.

I have begun investment in what is to be the next gold rush. The legalization of marijuana is the next obstacle to face human behavior. Countries around the world have decided to reduce the penalty for possession of marijuana; with the prospect of legality. i will continue to invest and review the laws associated.

Each month will begin a routine not to conclude until the next. The desire to begin adult decision making has been difficult to achieve.

Holidaze…
A holiday n celebration of life with an emphasis on basic desires. The date for such an event would b variable with the start happening four days prior to a full moon and continuing until. With such a duration a number of minor celebrations will take place to condition the body for prospect of staying awake for thirty hours.

On the first day the ceremony would include tossing powdered dye n the air allowing it to free fall on people under the balcony. The balcony because the state of mind would not allow for communicable interaction. After a small meal of nuts, salad, and fruit the viewing of a version of Seven will take place; only this time the first seven principles of Christianity were choreograph into death. Repentance, Faith, Two doctrine of baptisms, Laying on of hands, Resurrection, Eternal judgment for those who r not good at charades.

The second day a funeral is held to remember the days past and honor the days that had not arrived. On this day there is a remembrance of the progress made n the medical field to which life expectancy is dependent. Sanitation will be applauded by providing many bathroom kiosk fitted with showers. In tribute, realize the importance of the vaccine movement n saving lives with a needle exchange. While also confronting the arrogant mentality associated with the war on drugs with the acceptance of all.

At the start of the third day ushers n a rest interval which will conclude thirty hours before the moon can b seen. This is seen as a meditative event.

As it begins so does the music, the debauchery, and festive consumption…

Holidaze…

one-way…

Share a story where it was very difficult for you to forgive the perpetrator for wronging you, but you did it — you forgave them.

all workout is done with dumbbells and/or body weight

First day of a new year, i like many went to the gym.

circuit = 5 reps shoulder raise, 10 reps arm curl, 10 reps × 2 chest, 10 reps military

1/1/2014 150 push-ups, 100 back raises, 100 sit-ups, 100 knee raises, and 30 dips. now the weights; i start with a circuit, curls, chest-dumbbells, and standing military press. i will then work muscle groups accordingly with three exercises; with each exercise a new state of exhaustion.

Groups would include Back;Bicep, Chest&Triceps, Legs;Shoulder.

on the second day,  snow would inspire a shoveling of the driveway twice, and a third time the morning of the third day; all-in-all it has been a very productive year.

as for promoting a strategy for investment a decision to purchase popular stocks is it… comparable to having a dog provide the choice.

the workout is the back exercise called shoveling, and each time the driveway is done equates to a two mile walk; in addition to shoulder and back muscles.

1/6/2014 went to the gym the second time this year. noon on a Monday, and the idea of moving from exercise to exercise was not possible. with that being an essential aspect of the workout I would complete one hundred push-ups, back-raises, knee-raises, and thirty dips. I would do all exercises in a twelve foot square containing two apparatus. i would complete the exercises with only one request as to duration. from there I would move to the area where less space is needed. it was there I would decide to leave.


i remain a fairly active person becoming aware in the early morning to the events of the day. in six days i was able to record almost sixty thousand steps (57290). 10,000/day is recommended to remain healthy and have a net negative calorie count.

1/8/2014 the third time at the gym is indication of the need to increase my intensity. complete, one hundred push-ups, back-raises, knee-raises, and thirty dips; i then would complete a shoulder workout (involved front-raises[0],military[0],shrugs[10]*3). After that i complete a circuit (involved back[5],chest[5],military[5]*3)


with the prospect of having numerous orders to manufacture a safe that would dispense medicine after bio-metric inspection, will come the patient that would want to get their medicine but the dispensary is closed for another six hours. with the marijuana arrival n many locations at the start of the year  the dispensary is now a lock box sized to receive stock daily; where a prescribed medicine and amount will dispense at anytime. that investment saw a rise of three times value, with a slight pull-back today; at issue is the multiple orders for new dispensaries to cover the two states that legalized the weed.

1/9/2014 headed to the gym…at gym it was dumbbells all day
shoulder & chest


a third of the initial investment in the dispensary company. tried to get out completely and while the order was being processed I was able to cancel; the stock retracted 10% less.

good day for the investments all; up across the board.

because of the recent rise in value i will sell stock to receive the value of original stake; with the remaining stock remaining vested n the company; (next day) for thirty minutes and then i will take my profits. stated another way, i got scared away. bad day for my holdings, and with that at start i had begun to “chase the money”, never a good strategy; only to last momentarily, evident no less. the stock would need to move in one direction in order for my play to pay off; whereas a sure play is all in or all out. instead of leaving with nine hundred dollars i walk away with six and a lesson learned. next week will be better.<ins>

1/10/2014
dumbbell-shoulder, dumbbell-chest, bicep&amp;back, one hundred back-raises, and thirty dips, pull-ups


…the sinking feeling associated with the realization of an error so great in scope that it will require a historical anecdote.

i went in at the 19.75/share. i was aware of the rise but failed to act, and put a prolonged amount of thought behind each decision. the price climbed to 93; then retreated to 53 where i made the first of two sell request. the value would continue to fall and at 38 a sell-all request was made.

as i reflect, i will take profits when i can, i will continue a fall until the next rally, and i will never “chase the money


1/11/2014 one hundred back-raises, knee-raises, thirty dips. Circuit (biceps,chest, standing military) 10lbs. 10 reps×3

1/12/2014 one hundred back-raises, pushups, knee-raises, thirty dips. Circuit (biceps,chest, standing military) 15lbs. 10 reps×3


i will try to… 

…relation between lifestyle, land ownership, immigration,  federal subsidies, and other factors.

1/13/2014. 100 pushups, sit ups, back raises, 20 pullups, 30 dips, heavy bag 30 min.

1/16/2014 circuit (curls,chest,standing military)

1/17/2014 circuit (curls,chest,military), shoulders, chest

1/18/2014 115 pushups,100 knee raises, 60 sit-ups, 30 dips, circuit (curls,chest,standing military)

1/20/2014 50 pushups, sit ups, circuit ( curls, chest, standing military)×7

1/22/2014 100 back raises, pushups, knee raises, 30 dips, circuit (curls, chest, standing military)×3


Sold enough to repurchase the the original investment in med box.

1/23/2014 50 situps, pushups, squats, circuit (curls, chest, standing military)×6

1/24/2014 100 sit ups, pushups, circuit (curls, chest, standing military, shoulder raises)×6, back&amp;biceps

1/26/2014 200 situps, 150 pushups, 100 knee raises, 30 dips, shoulder shrugs, raises, military, circuit (curls, chest, standing military)*4

1/27/2014 100 sit ups, knee raises, back raises,150 pushups, 30 dips, circuit (shoulder raises, curls, chest, standing military)×3, shoulder shrugs, seated military, side-front-back raises


Should have turned a dollar into $1.29 regarding a security I hold, but i forgot that there are two sides to the equation and failed to act timely; ending the day 21% ahead, even with a third of the holdings losing.

1/28/2014 circuit, shoulder intense for one hour

1/29/2014 50 sit ups, pushups, circuit (curls, chest, standing military), shoulder &amp; leg, triceps, back &amp; biceps</li>
</ul>
Because of the recent behavior concerning mdbx, with regard to slow decision making, and not taking profits I have not taken profits on another security because of the action of siri. siri was selling for 2000% less then what it is now; I held only for a doubling of the money.

The workout included the “loading of the van”; which takes place every Friday, and would also include the removal on Tuesday. The walking along a level plane took place for an hour less, but at a two mile distance. Every Friday and Tuesday without fail for a month.

1/1/2014-1/31/2014 (290,733 ) steps were recorded with a pedometer.


2/3/2014 100 back raises, pushups, knee raises, 30 dips, circuit (shoulder raises, curls, chest, standing military)×5, back&amp;biceps, shoulders

2/4/2014 150 pushups, 100 sit ups, knee raises, 30 dips, circuit (shoulder raises, curls, chest, standing military) ×8, back&amp;biceps, shoulder

The day went by with nothing illicit; saw the monitoring agent responsible for my case yesterday for the last time. Midnight 2/5 will mark the official end, but that being six hours less; fuckyeah.

2/6/2014 150 pushups, 100 situps, back raises, knee raises, 30 dips, circuit (shoulders, curls, chest, standing military)×5, chest, back, shoulder

2/8/2014 150 pushups, 100 back raises, knee raises, 30 dips, sit ups, circuit (shoulders, curls, chest, standing military) ×6, chest dumbbells, shoulder dumbbells

A little over a month, and I have already woken up n the hospital once. At press I will sacrifice another nerve cell!

2/11/2014 100 sit ups, pushups, knee raises, 30 dips, circuit (shoulders, curls, chest, standing military)×6

2/12/2014 50 sit ups, 200 pushups, 100 knee raises, back raises, squats, 30 dips, circuit (shoulders, curls, chest, standing military) ×5

2/13/2014 shoveled the driveway twice before 0950. Again at 1240 and that was to be the effort put forth. 1835 snow has started again. And shoveled again at 1930.

2/14/2014 shoveled driveway, and established path around back

2/16/2014 250 pushup, 150 sit ups, 100 knee raises, squats, 30 dips

2/17/2014 50 situp,100 pushup,

knee raises, 30 dips, circuit ( shoulders,curls,chest,standing military)×4

2/18/2014 100 sit ups, pushups, knee raises, 30 dips, circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military) ×5, shoulder&amp;back

2/19/2014 circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military) ×5

2/20/2014 circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military)×4, back&amp;bicep

2/21/2014 circuit (shoulder, curl,chest,standing military)×5, 100 pushups, knee raises

2/22/2014 circuit (shoulders,curl,chest,standing military)×5

2/23/2014 circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military)×4, shoulder

2/24/2014 30 dips,back raises(+65 El Beez),50 sit ups,100 pushups, circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military) ×5, shoulder

3/1/2014 shoveled driveway

3/3/2014 shoveled the driveway 4 times before 1300.

3/5/2014 200 pushup, 100 back raises, sit ups, 32 pull ups, circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military)×10,heavy bag 15min

3/6/2014 125 pushup, 100 back raises, knee raises, 50 sit ups, 30 dips, 15 pull ups, circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military)×10

3/7/2014 220 pushups,100 sit ups, back raises, 30 pull ups, dips, circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military) ×10

3/12/2014 100 pushups, knee raises, back raises, 30 dips, sit ups, circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military) ×10

3/13/2014 30 curls, incline, 150 sit ups, pushups, 100 back raises, knee raises, 30 dips

3/15/2014 150 pushups, 100 knee raises, back raises, 30 dips, pull ups

3/16/2014 175 pushups, 100 back raises, knee raises, 47 pull ups, 30 dips, circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military)×5

3/17/2014 shoveled driveway, 150 pushups, 100 knee raises, back raises, 50 pull ups, 30 dips, circuit (shoulders,curls,chest,standing military) ×5, back&amp;bicep

3/18/2014 150 pushups, 100 back raises, knee raises, 50 pull ups, 30 dips

3/19/2014 100 sit ups, pushups

3/21/2014 150 pushups, 100 back raises, knee raises, 30 dips

3/30-4/1/2014
Circuit ×5

4/2/2014
150 pushups,100 situp, 21 pull ups, circuit×5, shoulder, back

4/10/2014
45min. heavy bag,150pushup,100situp,back raises,chest&amp;triceps,back&amp;bicep

4/11/2014
100pushups,pullups(bodyweight-100elbezs), heavy bag 30min, circuit ×5

4/12/2014
new old gym- 10situps, pushups, circuit ×5, chest&amp;triceps,back&amp;bicep

4/17/2014
30 min heavybag, 100 situp, pushup

4/18/2014
150pushup,100 situp,50pullup, back&amp;bicep, circuit ×10

4/19/2014
50 dips, sit ups, pushups

4/22/2014
100 sit ups, pushups, shoulder, back&amp;bicep, chest dumbbells

4/23/2014
100 sit ups, pushups, back&amp;bicep, shoulder, chest dumbbell, 10 min heavybag

4/24/2014
chest dumbbells, shoulder

5/2/2014
80situps,pushup, chest dumbbell

5/3/2014
100situp,pushup, back&amp;bicep, shoulder, chest dumbbell

5/4/2014
100pushup,situp,50pullup,dips,shoulder,chest dumbbell,back

5/5/2014
100pushup,situp,shoulder,chest dumbbell,back&amp;bicep,15min.heavy bag

5/6/2014
100pushup,situp,shoulder dumbbell, chest dumbbell, back

5/7/2014
100pushup,situp,chest dumbbell,back straight bar&amp;dumbbell

5/10/2014
150pushup,100situp,squat,shoulder-chest-back dumbbell

5/24/2014
100situp,pushup,back-bicep-chest-shoulder dumbbell, treadmill walk

6/1/2010
started work outside- 2 hours

6/2/2014
2.5 hours

6/3/2014
circuit×10,back&amp;chest&amp;shoulder&amp;bicep dumbbells

6/8/2014
100situp,pushup,circuit×3,chest-shoulder-back&amp;bicep dumbbells

6/9/2014  65pushups,50back-raises,15squats,circuit*5,shoulder-chest-back-bicep dumbbells

6/13/20150squats,25pushups,shoulder-chest dumbbells

6/22/2014
…gone for a month.
(meanwhile at rehab)

6/23/2014
100situp,pushup,circuit ×5,bicep,triceps
6/24/2014
250pushup,situp,circuit ×5,back-bicep-shoulder dumbbell
6/25/2014
250situp,pushup,circuit ×5,chest-back-bicep-shoulder dumbbell,triceps cable
6/26/2014
circuit ×5,squat,sled
6/27/2014
100pushup,situp,circuit ×10,shoulder-back-bicep dumbbell,triceps cable
6/28/2014
100pushup,situp,circuit ×5,chest-triceps dumbbell
6/30/2014
100pushup,situp,circuit ×10,shoulder-chest-back-bicep dumbbell ,squat,sled
7/1/2014
100pushup,situp,50dips
7/2/2014
200pushup,situp,100dips,circuit ×10
7/4/2014
500pushup,situp,300dips,circuit ×10,back-bicep-shoulder-chest dumbbell
7/5/2014
500pushup,situp,circuit ×10,chest-triceps,back-bicep dumbbell
7/6/2014
100pushup,situp
7/7/2014
200pushup,350situp,circuit ×3,squat,sled
7/8/2014
220pushup,300situp,circuit ×6,chest-back-bicep-shoulder dumbbell
7/9/2014
550situp,350pushup,circuit ×5,chest-shoulder dumbbell

(discharged 7/20/2014)

7/25/2014
100pushup,situp,shoulder-back-bicep-chest dumbbell

7/26/2014
100situp,pushup,shoulder-chest-back-bicep dumbbell/cable

7/28/2014
50pullup,400situp100pushup,back-raises,back all day

7/29/2014
100squats,200situp,pushup,sled,chest dumbbell

7/30/2014
20squats,200situp,220pushup,back dumbbell-smith

7/31/2014
20pullup,200pushup,150situp,shoulder-chest-back dumbbell

8/1/2014
150pushup,100situp,back-raises,chest-back-shoulder dumbbell

8/2/2014
120situp,pushup,chest-back dumbbell

8/4/2014
250pushup,200situp,100back-raises,20dips,10pullup,shoulder-chest-back dumbbell

8/6/2014
150pushup,100situp,50squats,shoulder-chest-back dumbbell

8/11/2014
circuit ×5,50pushup,situp,shoulder-chest-back-bicep dumbbell

8/21/2014
Back

8/22/2014
250pushup,200situp,100back-raises,squats (01:02:37)

8/23/2014
200situp,pushup,100back-raises,shoulder2×10×10,chest2×10×10, back×10×10,bicep×10×10 (01:35:19)

8/24/2014
100pushup,situp,shoulder-chest-back-bicep dumbbell

8/25/2014
200pushup,situp,shoulder-chest-back-bicep dumbbell

8/29/2014
150situp,120pushup,shoulder-chest-back dumbbell, back-cable

10/19/2014
100 pushup, situp

GREAT WHITE HOPE

journalrecipe-for-arthritis

Buy and Hold.

It is because of not having to address market conditions a 75% success rate has been accomplished. How ever long it takes; whether it be more investors or inflation that is cause for an uptick in value. Which usually means the value of the stock, the $$, has lost value over time. Which means it has lost money!

The number of ailments is unknown…   …the introduction of recreational marijuana to Colorado’s populace was…    …having to postpone a mandate instituted by signature legislation is foolish…       …possibility of corruption… …positive outcomes that will… …all great democratic societies commit suicide
…n other news

As seen in the first play of last night’s football game, who came to play. Manning should not have gone public about omahagate; where a donation will be made to a specific charity in accordance with times heard. As a defensive lineman there leaves little room for feelings, and encouragement for schadenfreude.

I would approach the line just as the game would start. Kneeling into position was easy after the stretching routine, and the opportunity to step up and cement a record book event. Because of the error n trying to run the kickoff out of the enzone made the opportunity sweeter.

I just yelled omaha, but at a time it would be difficult for the center to translate commands from Manning. As the ball was lifted a sense of elation overcame me. Next thought would consume the idea of having bet on Denver.

The money I lost in the bet was inconsequential compared to the cost to the seahawks for keeping me here.


You won, was the last thing Red said as he rear-ended the car.

Red was a drifter who had come into a fortune by way of inheritance. The money was a misunderstood benefit. Red had recently been diagnosed with an aggressive form of testicular cancer; only to accept death and choose to pass it on. Red was unaware as the night carried on that he would decide he had enough of all the hookers, cocaine, and unemployment and decide to end his life. The vehicle located in the lane turning left was stopped, and had just started to move forward when the vehicle Red was driving collided with the rear in a tremendous crash.

The unsuspecting driver was clueless, and remained so until recognition of family along side the hospital bed. After being told the extent of injury after the crash Ace would serve up a grin indicating the pleasure of cheating death.

Ace was approached by a group of men before being discharged to inform him that the person responsible for the collision had willed him an estate worth something north of fifty-five million. Ace was in disbelief but with no contradiction Ace would start to believe.

Ace himself was conservative regarding relationships with others; a reason for the single status but not the cause. It was difficult for Ace to accept others and invite them to his house. In the off chance he had a convincing tone still he choose to wake up alone.

With the new wealth things would be different or least more exciting, Ace thought.

Ace was soon to discover the pleasures money would afford him; it took a week less to explore the red light district. While doing so there were many surprises driven by inexperience. Representing one number on his mobile phone were the sex dealer, drug dealer, and therapist. Ironic how the lowest number represented the highest priority. Ace did the same thing month over month with a slight variance to the number of whores, amount of certain drugs, and location.

The problems which lead to Red’s final decision became current for Ace. Ace was consumed with a lifestyle of many highlights but only those that were purchased. With the new wealth Ace became the mark for many con artist. With the stress associated with drug withdrawal, family pressure to perform, and a new sex addiction Ace saw only one way out. Ace had tried to understand the motive of the benefactor but curiosity became a quick casualty.

The way out was not an original idea because of the example provided by Red. As the idea evolved it would become the source of all thought. Realizing it was the reason for all his addiction came as no surprise. Ace thought that he would die, suicide by police, and he would inspire the police by shooting another civilian.

Upon entering the bank Ace noticed the obese security guard. He was sitting at a desk with a single monitor. There was not time to think, Ace would just act. He would show a weapon before he was in front of a teller, even before he was next in line. There were only a few people inside the bank and with the employees amounted to six people. Ace was not in a hurry because if he was going to follow through a police presence was required. Taking the time to converse and not concerned with the alarm were both indication of the suicide mission.

When the police arrived they quickly acquired a line of communication with bank management, and were told of the disturbing behavior. The swat team choose to rush in and use the element of surprise to take Ace into custody. As the team neared the front Ace would shoot a teller in the back. The shot alerted the team and would effect Ace’s life expectancy.

Ace would wait until the police were inside the bank before he would take a hostage. The flash bombs had the effect of paralyzing the customers as well as Ace. Ace knew that because of not securing his identity all was lost.

As Dic walked from the restroom to reestablish his spot in line he would notice Ace using an employee as a human shield. Dic realized he was disrupting a hostage situation, and concluded that laying behind a kiosk was best. When the police started in the bank they became impatient and would end Ace; after being shot many times, and as Ace was collapsing, Dic would assume Ace’s identity.

I get the impression that the counselors are willing to process the actions of clients and advise them to remain in treatment; so as to create a dependency either chemical, or psychological. The prescribed medicine that would combat the urge to consume alcohol taxes the liver as much as alcohol, ironic.

The group that host the SMART program would want to be perceived differently from AA in organization and guidelines for monetary reasons. I stay away from relatable factors. Tourist will use the meetings for social interaction.

…this country is wrong headed.

On a day where one city’s police department has been put under investigation for practices regarding the treatment of minorities; on the same day tens of thousands of people attend the funeral of a fallen officer in a neighboring city who was fatally shot while in contention with a person of a minority.

The chicken or the egg argument would suffice.

I would relay two stories of interaction with police while growing up in a middle-class suburban area.

It was four of us that would venture into the city in pursuit of heroin and cocaine; after purchasing the heroin, one bag, we would attempt to commandeer cocaine, but before we got to the spot we would get pulled over by police. Upon search the police would find the heroin. After a speech we were let go, but one of us forgot to get their wallet; after getting gas we would find the officer, who would return the wallet with all the cash, and throw a small amount of cocaine at the rear seat of our car.

Again it was four of us that where drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana at an undeveloped cul de sac, when approached by police. After dumping the marijuana in the tall grass, and an emptying of all containers of alcohol we would be let go.

I have had interaction with police that did not go superbly by a multiple of ten. The two incidents above would showcase the lifestyle one had adopted; and the many arrest are now obstacles in the pursuit of employment.

I completed 1000 pushups within 120 minutes. At start of the year I was purposing I complete 1000 pushups within 168 hours. Now, I complete the task within a period measured in minutes. YeahBoi!#

Or…

Or not,

Be that guy, the one who everyone talks about for years after a disappearance occurred. Using the name as an analogy for description of a ubermacht like feat, or used to impart a lesson of what could have been?

cnote

religious Martyrdom…

There is a joke here about the power of the pussy!

Flee…

When processing reasons to leave an area, to flee, an introspective analysis of current behavior is essential. The two common questions are dwelling about violence to others, and risk for violence perpetrated.

Once the lifestyle is apparent there is no need for violence on any level, and as is understood an emotion is not cause for a physical encounter. One is not anti-social, just pro-fukyou. Building friendships allows for expectations. So one will just cut the bullshit and disappoint immediately.

One chooses image to portray a message of many interpretations.

It is the uneducated that concern themselves with the appearance of perceived education.

It is the disorganized that concern themselves with an appearance of organization.

It is the less fortunate that concern themselves with an appearance of fortune.

The three examples bespoke of the fuked-up personality characteristic of the author!

Conundrum…

Most conundrums that have been experienced within my life, or the problems encountered deserving of the label, have been self imposed.

Conundrums that are not dealt with upon first realization are now a different dilemma; which now will consume a greater effort in rectifying.

Now to bring those points back to me, because in the end it is about me. The current conundrum is a burglary conviction on the criminal record, and the search for employment. Waking up in county jail was my first realization that criminal charges existed, having my lawyer workout a plea bargain, which included a probationary term, was an another realization.

It was some time during that term of probation that criminal behavior was exhibited, and duly noted on the charging documents.

Upon violation of the probationary term, I then forfeit all cause for expungement.

Burglary is not a word associated with theft in my case. It is use to describe a forceful entry into a residence.

To be clear I did knock on the door, and was seen by guy. I invited guy outside to handle the altercation like two men. It was when guy declined that I went through the threshold.

Folly…

It could be said that it has followed me around through my years, but it also could be misconstrued for encouraged behavior. Folly seems to encompass more than a lack in foresight. But for a lazy analysis much can be categorized as folly.


Fishing…

Fishing, as I would be introduce to the concept at an early age, was the sport of catching fish. It was an activity done by many father and son duos; enabling the father to teach lessons in patience and self-reliance.

That is not the fishing I am aware of. The sorta fishing I am familiar with is psychological, and has much to do with intellectual prowess. One must realize that to be proficient requires a constant process of thought.


Only relax when asleep.

One will get enough sleep when dead.

About sums up the idea that one is either winning or losing at life, and that there is anxiety associated with winning. Winning at life is a general phrase that means many things, but most importantly winning at life gives one the ability to relax. Its a fuking circle; I have been round the circle enough times to understand not allowing money to encourage decisions ensures one ain’t got none! That is one perspective about how the word relax is used in the personal sense.

There is a larger meaning, encompassing regulation pertaining to a business environment. With EPA regulation stifling businesses, and the duration of the legislative process, certain regulations will not be enforced because of a fish. I mean the fish has one eye, humans have two, and on the evolutionary timeline one either keeps up or gets left behind!

Or, another example are the financial regulations inspired by Dodd-Frank act, and to big to fail. Regulation has inspired a 14% decline in community banks since 2010, and causing banking to transition from the community and become commercialized. Time to get back to that “It’s a Wonderful Life”!

Yet, another way of using the word would include the emotion felt by all those invested in the United States. Thinking about how to gain advantage on market forces is difficult, but when one can use that mental energy for other endeavors, there is a sense of relaxation!

The leader of the current administration has taken a relaxing approach to the presidency, and in doing so has left the American people vulnerable. Talking of course about the Affordable Care act. With the importance of money with regard to daily living has inspired students to move out of a medical profession, and looked towards becoming a greens keeper!

Relaxation is spread through envy like cancer; individuals will say I deserve to approach life with the same seriousness. Just ask the leader of Germany.

Fortune…

If psychic, telling one of the fortune bestowed upon them, no other conclusion can be made, fortunate. At an early age the sense of fortune would be tested. Arriving home from a third grade seminar on fire escape was the start of curiosity. Closure meant jumping from a second floor window, and it was on to the next.

Throughout life fortune has followed, but at times waiting for her to catch-up. Her presence was not recognized during the first stint in jail, but before the second she would visit in the form of a Buick. A Buick traveling down a dark road on the Eastern shore of Maryland. In the road were two derelicts wrestling when contact was made.

Enthusiasm, because I am making movies using “movie maker” in combination with exercise clips I have recorded for most of the year.
The clips tell a story of my journey into the 1%. At the start of the year I proposed completing 1000 pushups every 168 hours. The path I took was not conformed to any schedule, and I started with a 16,000 pushup deficit. It would be the 32nd week, or first week in August that there was currency with resolution, and by that time a 500 pushup daily average was achieved.

I would be astonished by the quick turnaround in an ability to perform at such a high caliber. While reviewing said clips I would realize that an effort to conduct a routine of 1000 pushups was achievable.

The day after my younger brother turned 36 was when the effort first succeeded. I had been performing without the camera because of disappointment on the regular, but that was the day. In so doing I felt that I deserved a respite from all exercise.

That was Saturday of the 42nd week, and by then I had amassed over 45,000 pushups. For the last weeks in October I maintained the ability to complete 300 pushups within 30 minutes, but fell away from doing that and took November off.

I would start back in December with moderate exercise, completing 200 or 300 pushups; but by the fifth day I put forth the effort to complete 1000 pushups, but fell short only doing 785 pushups within 111 minutes.

Physical exercise is the easiest thing to fall away from, and the hardest to get back to! And after two days rest I would go back to moderate exercise, but on December 20, 2016 I would complete 909 pushups in 123 minutes.

And, so to allow for applause, my internet fans will view the feat after I find a way of compressing the file for upload!

Calm…

Calm is how one behaves before the release of hell. I only perceive value in calm if in part deceit.

If calm behavior is a response to the calmness of others, then calmness is the order. But expecting others to respond in kind is not advisable.

I have managed to live with only subtle discoveries. At start it would be an older brother and I to make the most of discoveries, and by that I mean each would coax the other into making the discovery. As in I was able to discover what falling from a two-story window was like, and he discovered how almost shooting a brother was demoralizing.

3/368 times

..a Schadenfreude way of life

cacramer
a few setbacks…

i have had a few setbacks…

This May i will graduate from the community college in the area; my two-year degree pursuit will end after fourteen years.

i have started  blogs

i will chose to elaborate on the many circumstances i find myself in, and the many experiences i decide to relive.

Because of being rendered comatose as a result of a car accident, i am prone to seizures; but because of not experiencing one within the first six months, the likelihood has diminished greatly.  As a result of that my driving ability has been revoked.  This october will mark ten years post accident which means i have been walking to get around for eight of those ten years.  After being discharged from the hospital unable to walk, and a year of out patient rehab, i would join a gym two miles from my residents.  i would trek those two miles almost daily; with it occupying almost three hours one-way.
as i started…

3/19/2009…
i will take the first test.
i attended an honor-roll ceremony yesterday;
i was able to make the dean’s list fall of 08′.

i have studied some, but i am not where i would like to be.
first test in the books…
i am thinking a c, or better.

one easy to get use to…
i have evolved as a blogger.  First, i was introduced to the concept as i managed my facebook page; what are you doing right now?  i found it difficult to have something important to say most times.

i started a twitter account hopping to spur a desire to write more often.  i then created a tumblr page, and with that i began to write more often; often enough that a burnout was evident.  from there i have started accounts at a host of websites; even creating my own website at cacramer.webs.com.  managing my own web site is difficult, and keeping it updated with new stories proved to be important and impossible.  with my own website being constructed to accommodate any task i must complete i should enjoy the time spent constructing.

from there i started a scribd account to encourage myself to write longer papers.  Having difficulty uploading a paper has deterred me from uploading.

i finally made my way to wordpress.com, and i am encouraged by the layout, and i am curious as to what the many things the site has to offer.

i have not worked in the computer aided design field so the skills are in question, but what i want to achieve is the ability to design landscapes;

i will attend maryland in pursuit of a degree in landscape management.
driving evaluation…
the next step in achieving my driver’s license is able to take place.  i was waiting for the information i submitted to be evaluated and processed; information concerning the ataxia i experience, concerning my vision, and concerning decision making and judgment.  i was able to provide documentation of improvement in the ataxia condition from my neurologist; i was also able to submit a current eye exam detailing areas of improvement; and to address the question of judgment i was able to produce three sets of fall term grades, and with each submit the grades improved.

i will be proceeding with a behind the wheel driving test.  i do not know what to make of the fact that i have to travel to the vocational school to conduct the test.  the way i left there…

i was required to attend an alcohol treatment program while attending class and sleeping in the dorms.  upon graduation, from the alcohol program, i was feeling very fortunate in that i had graduated from the alcohol program, was a week away from graduating from the vocational school with a certificate in computer aided design, and was going to proceed with pursuing an associates degree in computer aided design.

it was my last meeting with Chris; he was my consular at Harbel, the alcohol treatment facility. knowing that it would irritate him i purposely dropped the urine container in the toilet after i had filled it up.  after being asked whether i had recently smoked marijuana, i was a free man; free to catch the route nineteen bus and return to the school.  back at school it was business as usual until an acquaintance agreed to split a bottle of spirits.

i was removed from my room on a stretcher.  it was not a pretty scene!

arriving at the school i was told i would be allowed to gather my things at a later date.  i was able to pick up the things in my room the following week, but was not allowed to walk across stage to graduate, nor return for any further education.

Walker…

i was released from county jail july 4, 1999, turned 23 september 11, 1999, and i was struck by a car october 9, 1999  knocked unconscious was the situation after impact.  i awoke sixteen days later (a heavy collision with the head) in the hospital not remembering the event.

i suffered a traumatic brain injury making me susceptible to seizures, and driving privileges have been revoked.

i joined a gym in 2001, the closet gym in the area, the gym was 2.2 miles from my residence.  in the beginning i had difficulty walking, and the trip to the gym would consume three hours.

october 9, 2009 marks ten years of walking; i would make that journey 4-6 times a week.  there was a time where i treated walking to the gym as a work routine; and so, i conclude i have made that trip 2,000 times (a conservative estimate).  last summer i chose to walk home from a place of employment, 3 miles.

this is inspired by a 5 mile excursion this morning, and the fact that the non-driving issue will be solved this year.

i feel good…

maybe because the weather is better; i do not know, but yesterday the drizzle of rain we experinced all day was depressing.  today will be mild with a high tempature of fifty!

Testing the waters…

i was out with a girl who was the interpreter for a deaf student at a school i was attending.

it is time…

the external hard drive came by mail, it has a two tera byte capacity, and i will begin to reduce that.

monies lost in the NYSE.

for a novice i am not doing so bad;

and knowing the market is down more than forty percent.

ready to ride that wave up!

maybe my brother…

i went to a book signing where the author is a friend of my fathers.

if i was intellectually challenged i would have not noticed how the two of them, working in concert, tried to set me up.

not set me up to take a fall, but with a female.

if you want to help me out, get me a whore; where at the end of things she fuck’in leaves!

a start of routine…

the routine i intend to start will provide for exercise, trading in stocks, and reading.

i will pursue my limited schooling programs for the fall;

i will also try to write something of substance everyday.

11-02-2009

the start of something new…

i am very fortunate in the outcome of events that transpired a decade ago, but not everybody perceives things as i do.

life moves at a certain speed…

evolution is consistent with the adaptation of technology; the further one is from the advancement, the further the disconnect with societal normality.

i find myself regressing away from the advancement, and i attribute the traumatic brain injury i suffered over a decade ago with the retreat. i have had to relearn how one must arrange relationships to provide for desires, wants, and needs; which is the order of priority.

my thoughts…

on wordpress r not very intense, but will hopefully become more learned as the day progresses

a description of what happened…

im aryan, with a bit of english-irish; i will drink alcohol only on those occasions where i can remain unproductive, or not put much thought into what im doing, for the next three days.

when, n third grade, i jumped out of my second-floor window, for fun. i would receive little n the way of discipline growing up; which made for an exciting, and often laughable, time to b an authority figure n my life. after being caught for some minor offenses i chose to run away from home.

back at home, i then chose to leave high school a year early. i started the community college thing, and for the next six years i did not do well. out of a possible sixty credits i received six.

i decided landscaping was how i would get ahead; i was a landscaper, a construction worker, and a day laborer.

aryan, with a bit of english-irish, yep!  and that is what i give credit to for having the ability to survive a horrific accident.

i had tried a few helpers, and it was only because of long hours and the strenuous work required of them, that made the turnover rate high. i was n the area of eastern shore, maryland, working construction when i decided, after work, to go to a bar n the area. not having a drivers license i would b dropped off. after becoming belligerent to the point of becoming rude with some patrons, the helper and i would leave. out n the lot we would decide to try our best to impersonate WWF wrestling, and after making it to the street our fate was secure. the first of two cars went around the two derelicts, the second did not, and would hit with the force of 3300 lbs going forty mph .

i lay unconscious for fourteen days!

a quick update…i started study at the university. week one is complete with one essay due, week two starts with two essays due.

school work…

The limiting factors, pertaining to public opinion as it relates to the decision making process employed by public officials, are complicated. Along with public opinion there are many other limitations to consider when vying for election. It is because “governing decisions are complex, as are the factors that go into them, including the influence of public opinion.” (Patterson, 2008, p.165) Factors such as party affiliation, demographic, and religion are measured constantly to predict the outcome of many elections.

Party affiliation has more to do with sociological aspects of family, friends, values, and politicians. A candidate will believe in the ideas of a certain party early in the career; Democrat or Republican. It will be these ideas that will impact a voting record as it relates to policy. Candidates will adjust their policy and behavior to coincide with the want of a majority.

Equal in number are opinions and demographics. Each candidate will have a comparable agenda relative to the demographic represented. The candidate with a policy and behavior that adjusts to the needs of a demographic would secure that portion of the vote. A certain religious association is a choice among candidates to secure the vote of a demographic.

Religion is a way to identify oneself with a set of morals and beliefs. “Religious beliefs have always been a source of solidarity among group members and a source of conflict with outsiders.” (Patterson, 2008, p.160) The Religious Right (RP) is the idea that a religious group would organize a group large enough to produce results in an election. “The RR is the faction of religiously motivated social conservatives that has dominated the Republican Party for nearly 40 years.” (Jennings, 2010)

It is the ideas behind party affiliation that become issue for the politician. It is the candidate with the best policy and behavior that will have plurality. The candidate that can produce a history of performing a certain way under scrutiny will have the majority of support. The limits on behavior for our representatives become representational of our government.

The belief in liberty, equality, and self-governance can be described by the preference for constitutionalism, capitalism, and democracy. The American belief system, with regard to liberty, equality, and self-governance, was established during necessity, anger, and compassionate moments in history. Those moments include, reason to believe in the liberties established with the concept of constitutionalism; the idea capitalism has evolved from many errors in judgment, and much enlightenment; the belief that democracy is the best way to resolve problems in both, business, and government. “Liberty, equality, and self-government are widely regarded as America’s core political ideals.” (Patterson, 2008, p.17)

The series of events which led up to the revolutionary war are an important progression to consider. The belief of liberty is at the epicenter of the revolutionary war. “Liberty is the principle that individuals should be free to act and think as they choose, provided they do not infringe unreasonably on the freedom and well-being of others.” (Patterson, 2008, p.6) At start was the Boston Tea Party, an incident in December 1773 that would upset the ruling government. In response the British government would impose The Coercive Acts, which were a succession of five laws. In an unrelenting manor a meeting of the continental congress took place in September 1774, where the colonies would decide to boycott all British goods starting December 1774. The representatives would meet a second time convening May 1775; all thirteen colonies would decide to assume the declaration of independence. As the government formed, preferences to politics and governing became obvious.

The preference for constitutionalism is confirmed as the government formed. With the crafting of the declaration of independence the case was made to dissolve the relationship with Britain. The men responsible for the revolt against the governing power established a set of rules that the new government would follow; a constitution outlining certain inalienable rights. The constitution supposed a list of rights to include all inhabitants of the thirteen colonies. The connection made between the liberties afforded now, and those the first settlers endured, are similar. Those similarities are testament to the judicial interpretation of the constitution. It is because of a constitution that “we the people” is a collective majority of the population in the United States.

The preference for a democracy is formed when each citizen is granted the same privilege. With those privileges one has the right to vote, and reason to elect the group with the power to govern. The officials and politicians who become the group to govern are elected to represent on a district, county, state, and federal level. “…the United States has an unbroken history of free elections as the means of acquiring governmental power.” (Patterson, 2008, p.15) And with elections happening in the United States more often than anywhere the majority has influence on officials and politicians when addressing issues involving society and business.

Capitalism is the preferred business system. Preferences to capitalism include examples of liberty, equality, and self-governance. A capitalistic economy is built on the liberties business has from government intrusion. Capitalism “holds that the government should interfere with the economy as little as possible”. (Patterson, 2008, p.17) To inspire equality, a capitalistic economy would encourage competition as a way to further innovation and invention; therefore the United States is at the forefront of many areas in science, medicine, engineering, and business. All business is able to self-govern, and operate on its own ideas. The business owner does not need permission to expand, or close.

It is a group of preferences developed over a period of time that has become the belief system of Americans today. I believe it would be the preference to liberty that would unfold with the founding of constitutionalism. And with the preference of capitalism comes a willingness to always reevaluate all issues. Lastly, the preference for democracy will be affirmed every time there is an election.

The Chicken, or the Egg

Children are the easiest pray to fall victim to poverty. Because young infants are very dependent on others they remain the most victimized by this affliction. “Nearly 14 million children in the United States – 19 % of all children – live in families with incomes below the federal poverty level – $22,050 a year for a family of four.” (Wight, Thampi, Briggs, 2010) Data collected also indicates “Individuals who were poor during childhood are more likely to be poor as adults than are those who were never poor, and this is especially true for African-Americans.” (Wagmiller, Adelman, 2009)

A topic of discussion is food security, and according to the USDA “food security is defined as having a dependable access to enough food for active, healthy living.” (Wight, Thampi, 2009) Food insecurity is correlated to education level, “The difference in food insecurity among children by the educational attainment of household adults is striking. Households where no one has a high school degree are nearly seven times more likely to report food insecurity among children than households where at least one adult has a bachelor’s degree.” (Wight, Thampi, 2009)

In addition to the potential physical deficiencies created by an unhealthy or undernourished diet, are the significant consequences “for children’s development and life chances. Growing up in poverty can be harmful to children’s cognitive development and ability to succeed in school, to their social and emotional well-being, and to their health. ” (Fass, Dinan, Aratani, 2009) Also impacted by a undernourished diet is the ability to learn. The mental focus required for most college study is constantly being interrupted by situational concerns.

To connect the two issues is easy, but can it be said that one causes the other? The study would “conclude by making policy recommendations for improving the life chances of children who grow up in poverty by both increasing family income in the short-term and mitigating the impact of poverty on child outcomes.” (Fass, Dinan, Aratani, 2009)

Bibliography:

Wight, Thampi, Briggs, V. R. W. K, J. ( 2010, August). Who are america’s poor children? . Retrieved from http://www.nccp.org/publications/pub_958.html

Wagmiller Adelman, R.L, R.M. (2009, November). Childhood and intergenerational poverty . Retrieved from http://www.nccp.org/publications/pub_909.html

Wight, Thampi, V, K. (2009, August ). Basic facts about food insecurity among children in the united states, 2008. Retrieved from http://www.nccp.org/publications/pub_956.html

Kinsey, Dinan, Aratani, S. K. Y. (2009, December). Child poverty and intergenerational mobility . Retrieved from http://www.nccp.org/publications/pub_911.html

It will be because of a want for an improved living situation, or an incentive of importance that will have a person vote. In the United States there are two institutions that will receive most of the votes, Republican or Democrat. The winner will be the result of many factors that will affect the election. The issues that inspire voter turnout are inconsequential for many voters, but may start months in advance for each candidate. For many voters it will be policy not priority that will encourage the vote.

The consequences or differences in policy direction are what set the institutions apart. The Republican Party believes in a smaller less intrusive government that encourages individuality; whereas the Democratic Party will vie for a larger government and the ability to control many aspects of daily life. Republicans tend to be high income earners, and the Republican Party will cater to those policy needs.

Legislation making it harder to vote in some States has become law, and later repealed because of civil rights issues. “Georgia Democrats charged that the law was a blatant attempt to reduce voter turnout among poor people, who are less likely to have a driver’s license or passport and less able to afford the fee.” (Patterson, 2009, p.177) Democrats will help the disadvantaged poor minorities, motivated by the potential vote.

Both rich, and poor, will have reason to vote, but the argument is in policy. Economic policy has a decisive role in American politics; a role that has to do with livelihood. A promise of further benefits to the disabled and elderly will have a direct effect on senior citizen voters. A tax-cut for a business with fewer than fifty workers will inspire small business owners to vote. There are tactics used by both parties to propel the voters in their favor, but it is economic policy that impacts most severe.

The division among the political parties is representative of the economic situation of most citizens. It is a vote for policy that should inspire elections not party affiliation; too often the latter happens only to get policy as an afterthought!

Bibliography:

The American Democracy, Patterson, Thomas E.. 9th ed. McGraw-Hill Humanities/Social Sciences/Langua , 2008. 171-190. Print.

“uno mas, uno mas,” I replied as I was spreading mulch.

“One more”, was the extent of Spanish I had learned as assistant foreman. I got the job the summer after high school, and I did not want to insult the Mexican helpers with my American arrogance. At first I was nearly silent, only pointing to items, or jobs being done, to communicate, but after a few language lessons I could relate to the humor and read the blueprints, in Spanish. After a few months of working the various jobs I would be invited to a barbeque. I would remain silent, sitting in a corner looking for the first sign of hospitality. I would be greeted by the grandmother of the young man I worked with. She would inquire as to how much I ate, and whether I was hungry? After a response that called for the meal to be served soon, and seeing the reaction of the other guest, I would decide that my outburst was not deviance in nature.

This is a classic example of two cultures being introduced and interacting. At first was the issue of direct communication, but after that was solved it became a more relaxed environment. The two types of communication, indirect and direct, both are relevant in the example. In the beginning of a working relationship one must rely on a form of direct communication in order to understand “culture as a concept”. (Coverdell, 2005) Once a few exchanges of direct communication are conveyed and interpreted without incident a trust will establish. “Slowly, through ceaseless struggle and effort, I learned to overcome the day-to-day barriers that had previously seemed like indomitable walls.” (Coverdell, 2005)

After verbal communication had been achieved non-verbal communication would be the next issue when trying to form a relationship. Non-verbal communication has an aspect of emotion attached to every message. Eye contact, facial expressions, and personal space are an issue with everyone, but every culture interprets them differently. Some of the helpers would interpret my charades as belittling, but I was assured that no offence was taken. “Nonverbal communication is the single most powerful form of communication.” (Heathfield, 2010) One of the non-verbal communication tactics used in the behavior of a helper would be to just sit down when tired. I would recognize certain points in the progression of a job where breaks would be wise. The Spanish culture saw the need to rest immediately when tired, whereas the American culture will analyze a job and pick certain break points; so as not to start and stop equipment, to do most of the heavy lifting in the morning, and to not be exhausted midday.

After direct and indirect communication over a period of time a comradely attitude is formed where communication takes place as a part of learned behavior. “Culturally appropriate behavior is now second nature to you; you can trust your instincts because they have been reconditioned by the new culture.” (Coverdell, 2005)

There are four levels to the reconditioning of behavior. Unconscious incompetence is at the beginning where both parties will reduce their communication to the basics, a “blissful ignorance” (Coverdell, 2005). Next, is conscious incompetence where a realization of “some things you don’t understand” (Coverdell, 2005). Then it is unconscious competence, and that is where the need to “adjust your own behavior accordingly” (Coverdell, 2005). Finally, behavior reaches an unconscious competence where one “no longer will have to think about what you’re doing in order to do the right thing” (Coverdell, 2005).

The progression through the “four levels of culture awareness” (Coverdell, 2005) are not specific in that each culture is different and may adapt at differing times. Being aware of the four levels could contribute to the speed at which they progress. I feel that I learned lot from the helpers, and I hope in turn they grew to respect my culture.

Bibliography:

Coverdell, P.E. ( 2005 , November 27). Culture matters workbook. Retrieved from http://www.peacecorps.gov/wws/educators/enrichment/culturematters/index.html

Heathfield, S.M. (2010). Listen with your eyes. Retrieved from http://humanresources.about.com/od/interpersonalcommunicatio1/a/nonverbal_com.htm

a summer job…

“uno mas, uno mas,” I replied as I was spreading mulch.

“One more”, was the extent of Spanish I had learned as assistant foreman. I got the job the summer after high school, and I did not want to insult the Mexican helpers with my American arrogance. At first I was nearly silent, only pointing to items, or jobs being done to communicate, but after a few language lesions I could relate to the humor and read the blueprints in Spanish. After a few months of working the various jobs I would be invited to a barbeque. I would remain silent, sitting in a corner, looking for the first sign of hospitality. I would be greeted by the grandmother of the young man I worked with. She would inquire as to how much I ate, and whether I was hungry? After a response that called for the meal to be served soon, and seeing the reaction of the other guest, I would decide that my outburst was not deviance in nature.

This is a classic example of two cultures being introduced and interacting. At first it was the issue of direct communication, but after that it became a more relaxed environment. The two types of communication are direct and indirect, both are relevant in the example. In the beginning of a working relationship one must rely on a form of direct communication in order to understand “culture as a concept”. (Coverdell, 2005) Once a few exchanges of direct communication are conveyed and interpreted without incident a trust will establish. “Slowly, through ceaseless struggle and effort, I learned to overcome the day-to-day barriers that had previously seemed like indomitable walls.” (Coverdell, 2005)

After verbal communication had been achieved non-verbal communication would be the next issue when trying to form a relationship. Non-verbal communication has an aspect of emotion attached to every message. Eye contact, facial expressions, and personal space are an issue with everyone, but every culture interprets them differently. Some of the helpers would interpret my charades as belittling, but I was assured that no offence was taken. “Nonverbal communication is the single most powerful form of communication.” (Heathfield, 2010) One of the non-verbal communication tactics used in the behavior of a helper would be to just sit down when tired. As foreman I would recognize certain points in the progression of a job where breaks would be wise. The Spanish culture saw the need to rest immediately when tired, whereas the American culture will analyze a job and pick certain break points; so as not to start and stop equipment, to do most of the heavy lifting in the morning, and not to be exhausted at midday.

After direct and indirect communication over a period of time a comradely attitude is formed, and communication takes place as a part of learned behavior. “Culturally appropriate behavior is now second nature to you; you can trust your instincts because they have been reconditioned by the new culture.” (Coverdell, 2005) Unconscious incompetence is at the beginning where both parties will reduce their communication to the basics, a “blissful ignorance” (Coverdell, 2005). Conscious incompetence is where a realization of

things you don’t understand” occurs? (Coverdell, 2005) Then it is unconscious competence, and that is where the need to “adjust your own behavior accordingly” (Coverdell, 2005). Finally, behavior reaches an unconscious competence where one “no longer will have to think about what you’re doing in order to do the right thing” (Coverdell, 2005).

The progression through the “four levels of culture awareness” (Coverdell, 2005) are not specific in that each culture is different and may adapt at differing times. Being aware of the four levels could contribute to the speed at which they progress. I feel that I learned lot from the helpers, and I hope in turn they grew to respect my culture.

why economic interest…

The reason for a focus on economic interest is due to the amount of people burdened by unfavorable outcomes. There “are four general types: business groups, labor groups, agricultural groups, and professional groups”. (Patterson, p. 224) Differences in the groups will be the people represented.

The business groups represent more than 50% of the total number of groups able to lobby Congress. The representatives “outnumber those of all other groups more than two to one”. (Patterson, p.224) A capitalistic society will encourage business which will encourage policy. An agency where policy is constructed is the “U.S. Chamber of Commerce, which includes nearly 3 million businesses of all sizes”. (Patterson, p.225)

Labor groups relate to policy regarding unions, and to “promote policies that benefit workers in general and union members in particular”. (Patterson, p.225) Fairness is a theme for many labor groups, and is irrefutable in some government policy. Union leaders have become politicians in a different environment.

Agricultural groups represent farm owners and operators, “with more than 4 million members”. (Patterson, p.226) Agricultural groups are comprised of many factions that will not agree on all issues. Issues regarding family owned farms are considered by a group whose interest benefits the members. Whereas issues that are being considered in agribusiness will be reviewed by another group.

Professional groups will contend with policy related to the profession represented by a lobbying association. Familiar groups include the American Medical Association, the American Bar Association, and the American Association of University Professors.

The four type groups are essential to business, and can be viewed as necessary policy oversight. Policy oversight needed for a better economy, and an appearance of fairness. The best perspective when instituting policy would be supplied by the many groups. Congress will need to act in a manner that ensures moderate growth, while not allowing any monopolies.

us vs them…

The difference between the to styles of government begins with how the candidates are chosen, how interest are served, and the way the campaign is structured. All issues will have an influence on duration, expense, and service relationship.

In the united states after “the civil war, the nation settled into the pattern of competition between the Republican and Democratic parties that has lasted till today”. (Patterson, p.194) The European system has many more parties that, each competing with one another, can win a percentage of elected positions. While “most European democracies use some form of proportional representation, in which seats in the legislature are allocated according to a party’s share of the popular vote”. (Patterson, p.200) Each party in the united states will have a primary election which will produce candidates for the national, state, and local elections. “In Europe, where there are no primary elections , the parties control nominations, campaign money, and workers.” (Patterson, p.206)

The two major parties in the united states seek to “gain power by getting its candidates elected to office.” (Patterson, p.200) “America’s two party system requires each party to accommodate a wide range of interest in order to gain the voting plurality” needed for the passage of legislature.

Legislature proposed by Republicans is in favor of “tax cuts and business incentives”. (Patterson, p.202) In comparison, legislation provided by the Democratic party encourage social issues. “European parties tend to divide along class lines, with the center and right parties (Republicans) drawing most of their votes from the middle and upper classes and the left parties (Democrats) drawing most of theirs from the working class.” (Patterson, p.201)

The fact that the campaigns are longer and more expensive is because of a candidate-centered relationship. Campaigns want to change with public opinion, and will employ the services of “campaign strategists who help the candidate to plot and execute a game plan” for being elected. (Patterson, p.212) Allowing “self-directed campaigns” to quickly adjust to political conditions and issues. (Patterson, p.216) For the candidate who promotes an early election message, and is able to align with political factions, would have the support needed to financially succeed. The differences remain central to how they operate.


12/31/2010…

i was at the bank, which is next to the liquor store, about when they would open. Being the eve of 2011 i had an excuse, and before leaving the bank the close proximity of the liquor store was noted. i had been walking forty minutes, and sobriety for the remaining twenty was clear. Arriving at the bus stop i would look for any indication of an approaching bus, or that the buses were in fact running their prescribed routs. Not being aware of when the next bus was coming i would call their dispatch service. As i was making use of the cell phone a friend would call and it was agreed that i would be at a restaurant by twelve. by two o’clock i was headed to don pablo’s to have three beers; then to the green turtle where, after three beers and a bowl of soup, i would be asked to leave. From there i would go to memories where consumption at a fast rate got them to ask me to leave. then it was on to the local liquor store, standing n line, quart n hand, i would open the bottle and consume a third. Approaching the counter i would make a silly comment about the quart; the store owner’s wife took the quart, and he threatened to call the cops, not wanting to initiate a response with the severity of an emergency i would just walk out. i would try again, but this time without drinking ne n line. i would get the same response, and i would b asked to leave the property. arriving at the final stop n my journey i would buy two quarts; while out front i would consume one before being picked up.

everyday writing…

…6/29/11 this is a project to sustain writing something everyday. and will discuss the book i will pen; it will be about turning points in maturity, how they where dealt with, and the eventual lesson learned. also discussing how the lessons learned would somehow make a more improved person, or atleast a wiser one.

my journey to Rio 2016…
after eleven years of rehabilitation I have decided to pursue competing.

just write…

“Well, if you were going to commit a crime now would be the time”, stated the gentleman as we drove away.

Chris and I had been on our way down interstate ninety-five to arrive at my friends house to take possession of a few ladies still in the vegetative. and only twenty minutes of a one hour drive we began noticing cars pulled to the side of the four lane road. it is now when we became curious enough to pull along side of a parked vehicle and ask…

everyday…

well i imagine it started when we met. it was as innocent and unpredictable. i, hitting the heavy bag, was taken back when you came walking into the aerobics area of the gym. i had been a member since 2001, and the only place i remember your presence is at the bagel shop.

my thought pattern is not straight…

b/c…

sun tzu would say it was a matter of chance that would have being incarcerated on a day that would remind him of a time were the cops were corrupted, were they would trade cocaine for the heroin just seized. Anyway, it was off to jail and the reason still unclear; well the reason just had not been realized. Tagging the backside of a tow truck would constitute probable cause for a sobriety test…

coming out the city i struck the back of a parked tow truck going at a speed fast enough to knock the passenger unconscious. seat belts are a beautiful thing, and the impact left the hood pushed back to the height of the entire windshield.

rolling the window down to stick my head out in order to see, i would comment ryan you alright, ryan you alright. i would back the car up, and proceed forward at a slow pace. i then made a left and realized i was being pulled over. as a good citizen should i relayed to ryan the message of, we’re fucked.

ryan was a good friend he was taken from us as a result of an unfortunate accident, but it was not that night.

Independence day, 7/4/1999…

It was not long after working at the country club, while on work release, that i had a lapse in judgment, was two and half hours late to report to jail, and intoxicated.

as a i awoke in solitary, a thought came and went, something about independence day, and me being locked-up. it was only a week earlier that i was promoted from in-house sanitary to work release.

now the original release date was the fourth, but because of having five “good days” removed or five days added to my sentence, i thought that had pushed a release to the ninth. the morning of the fourth came with a visit from Mom.

when i was late to report from work release the jail charged me with escape. before being placed in solitary i would go and see the commissioner, who would impose a one-thousand dollar bail associated with the escape charge. three days later i would have, via satellite, a bail review where only nine words were needed.

judge: mr. cramer the charge is escape; now that’s a pretty serious offense.   Me:  how did i escape, when i walked back here.   judge:  i will reduce the bail from one-thousand dollars to one-hundred dollars.

during the visit with Mom the bail reduction was talked up as if i saved her nine-hundred dollars by using my quick wit, but in reality i just wanted to know if it had been paid. i requested that she go to the court house a pay the outstanding bail, and i went back to my cell. after deciding not to do the daily routine that allowed for a speedy day, i would relax and think of the many cookouts i would not be a part of.

guard: CRAMER BUNK AND JUNK was code for you’re going home.

…and because it was independence day in more than one way twelve years ago.

write about a boat…

maryJane they called it, it was a ship all of eight feet long with a flat bottom. which was alright because the two of them would just fish in a calm area of the stream. (kate aboard the maryJane, sounds like a threesome the author would like to be a part of)the two of them arrived at the dock, and quickly began to inflate the boat; once inflated the two carried the boat to the edge of the dock, and threw it in. the boat, an inflatable raft with a wood bottom; the bottom was not connected to the sides, and allowed water to seep in. the boat was something out of prehistoric times; which included low maintenance and affordability…

…a place other than florida.

he left a note saying that he would be hiking the Appalachian trail for a few days, and had money to purchase the provisions needed before the hike. with discipline and determination Rodney set out walking to a public transportation depot. he concluded that once aboard a bus, and heading west he would contemplate his next move.

Rodney had a coworker, and this coworker was a complete douche. Rodney worked under  this person, and had tried repeatedly to transfer jobs. The relationship was amicable, but although a polite exchange took place there is a feeling of disgust and an indignant expression. Rodney had played the storyline many times, perceiving solutions from many situations, but all concluding that Larry had to go. Rodney would wait until all were out of the house, leave the note, and start walking.

on the walk many thoughts were contemplated and one conclusion kept presenting itself, and that was the idea the queerboy would be at the gym for his nightly workout with a man. the gym would be along the walk to the bus depot with only a slight detour of seven miles.

arriving at the gym would be a hour long process that would require stripping down and using mud as a camouflage on the withe skin, and stomach crawling along a parking lot. It was then to Larry’s truck, where Rodney would find panel vans parked on each side. Rodney positioned himself just so, almost as if there was a memory of the last time…

…all to meet a girl

conversation between the two of them was not always consistent, but one thing was for sure he liked her. that day he was wearing a black shirt with slacks, and could count on an encounter.

“You look nice today; what is the occasion?”  -what this, this is me everyday; court, i am going to court-     “I am required to go to court to testify against shoplifters.”

that last sentence was to have an apocalyptic impact on his life.

he thought the idea was a good, a little over the top, but good; he would commit a shoplifting offense.

leaving his house at 0420 was nothing new, he had done that hundreds of times throughout the last decade, but this was the first time the cause was a female. arriving at the store at 0600, after an intense morning workout, he would case the area and conclude that he was there with two other people, and it was not a good time…

…a night at the stream

I was lucky n many ways that night, but it had to happen. I was at the support group that night because of the close proximity to a strip club. Once the group disbanded I was walking to the club.<br>
…I got what I wanted, spent all my money, had an ambulance take me to the hospital; where I had my mother pick me up.

My birthday 2008…

From the support group went to the club with a friend, and it was all you can drink. <br>
…started to go to the red light district, got lost, got pulled over, the officer was kind enough to get us on our way home; once we turned on the highway I took the wheel and proceeded downtown.<br>
…I would wake up at 0530 n the road, but n time for me to cancel my transport to school.

…just write

[…today i went to eat at Einstein’s Bagel.

…i started an LLC this month.

…the sky is blue, the sun red.

…im using this opportunity to protest.

…a reoccurring day dream…i do not know what Freud would think

paranoid.

b/c I participate n the activities at a nearby gun range I conclude…

…one brain injury may lead to another

It started early n my life; while shore fishing the gulf of mexico I was forced to one knee. Recovery, from ounces of lead that would collide with the side of my head, due to a side-arm cast by a cousin no less than a hundred feet to the side of me…

I was trail riding for the first time on a three wheeler, I would find myself n the path of a tree. While carelessly applying downward pressure to the gear shifter I would hit said tree. After collecting myself I would be thankful I was conscious and for the balloon tire that had a cushion effect.

…this time, same manufacturer, but four wheels. I was trail riding on the side of a mountain when turning back up the hill the rear broke loose. At this time I would turn back into the slide and have the rear come back under me. I over corrected and was on course to collide with a tree. There would b no cushion effect and because I did not feel my head hit with much force i would conclude that all is fine. It was only after going back to camp and being asked about the object I hit did I admit to it, or the damage to what i assume was the bumper.

…and then when i was twenty-three.

wonder if that was it

I was a rising star in the local basketball league; where I was one of the tallest players. <br>

…as I looked at the clock there was only twelve seconds left, the game was tied, and I took the opportunity to score the winning basket.


My luck with motorcycles has not favorable, or it has if you chose to adopt the perspective that motorcycles are dangerous.

…I had my motocross bike for months before choosing to ride on the side of the highway; where cars took thier place three lanes across traveling seventy miles-per-hour. I was a decent 100 yards from any traffic. I hit something send me and the bike in the air about fifteen feet. I was traversing an incline without changing elevation; which allowed for a soft landing.<br>
…the life expectancy was measured in hours, and within hours of ride time on a CBR600f2 I would lay it over in the road, break my collar bone, and hit the road hard enough that would have the lens on the helmet to pop out.

…are you, you, or you going to help me out?

…a resentment had established itself.

Because of having to walk home every work day, which equated to three miles, i thought it was due me. And the fact that an old friend from motocross made contact, and was staying in close proximity to the workshop. I began that morning by nine, i was waiting outside the store as it opened. It was wednesdays talking points…


It took place…

…in a town known for its STD’s.

As i remembered the location, I could not forgo the helpless feeling associated with loosing. I had played the basketball game at a school relatively close to my house, but it is what transpired afterward that is memorable, for the wrong reasons.

holiday wishes 2011…

…MERRY CHRISTMAS,

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Progress associated with the accident in 1999 has become more of a mental exercise. After the accident I would elect to walk to a gym two miles from my house, adopt many workout routines, and was more concentrated on the physical aspect of my rehabilitation. Training for both strength and endurance, physical activity has taken place since 2001.

As for working, I do not do much.

Starting in 2012 I will begin training to compete in air rifle at the Paralympics 2016 Rio, Brazil. The fact I was a competition shooter before being injured has had an influence in the decision to compete. I will start practicing to enter local matches in 2012, and I will have developed a serious routine by 2016. I will need to prepare mentally and physically and I will have wanted to experience all situations in practice as those dealt with at the Paralympics.

I am struggling with the dating scene, but will have better luck in 2012. It is only fitting that…

This walking that I do, well, it started as a way to rehabilitate the muscles needed to walk, and two years after using it as a way to get to the gym, walking would become a means of transportation. The closest bus stop was three miles away, and the bus was the way in which I got to school. I would average walking eight miles in the trip to school and then home; bus ride-transfer-bus ride. And because impatience is trait I would forego the second bus ride, and decide to walk to the school. In January of 2011 I would discover an application associated with my cell phone which would monitor location by way of GPS and time my walk. I would make use of that nearly every time I would walk, and by May I was in the top fifty participants of fifty-five hundred around the world. Because I could view my progress online, everyone could, and so I wanted to be number one. In the month of July I would walk one hundred and sixty miles, my high, and would rise to fifth place. So far this year I have walked over seven hundred miles!

Through my travels I have settled on having breakfast at Einstein’s Bagels. Where I have become friends with some of the regulars, and not all of them dislike me. There have been many trials with restaurants serving me breakfast in the morning; first there was Double-T, and the regulars there thought it fitting that I quit school and remove debris from intersections. Then there was Bagel Bin where I would take advantage of multiple employees, but I admitted to the opportunist error and paid the money owed. From there I would travel the greatest distance to Einstein’s Bagel, which is adjacent to the bus stop. Einstein’s opens at 0500 and I will make that the destination most days. Recently a coffee shop opened one mile from my house, and I stop there on occasion but it does not open until 0700.

As for a plan to successfully become independent I intend to get a vehicle at the beginning of 2012 to help with transportation. After obtaining my bachelor degree I will start work, equates to I will get there when I get there. Because of having a difficult time growing up, and the whole accident becoming an impediment to the experience timeline, I have decided to take time with the rest of my life and breathe as long as possible! With that said I will attempt to get a job and go to school, but the job may be an early casualty to my studies.

happy Holidays,

charles Cramer


Playoff ticket…

…he was glad his team had a first round bye, but it was time now to take on all comers. he had received the invitation from a couple new to the area trying to establish roots in a community.

he would ride to the stadium in transportation belonging to them; therefore he knew how to get home. arriving at the stadium multiple hours before the game with ground beef and charcoal  grill in hand, the three of them would look for a place to set up shop and commence to cooking.

walking to the front gate he thought nothing of the two knifes  in adjacent pockets; while requiring a pat down he would be questioned. the length of the largest of the two was cause for non admittance. “Two knives, are trying to get into a situation,” said one of the event staff? “It is not that, and no i do not plan to instigate a fight, but neither do i plan to lose,” was heard as he walked away.

“just give me the ticket, i will walk back to the car, and meet you at the seats,” he said.

stepping out on to the street the conspiring began, it was like a chess match with only had one player. the question of utmost importance to him would be, how can i best use my current situation to enhance my lifestyle? its what the fucking return receipt is for, shameless. he had not made it far from the stadium when he would approach a couple looking for two tickets.

walking away he would mentally give himself congratulations  for the price charged for the ticket, and that someone had to take the girl. he would retreat to a local sports bar to enjoy the game.

…a perspective

the idea behind males taking advantage of females is very old

because human nature is confrontational all relationships evolve into a battle of wits, and if the male provides an example and/or display the right combination of prowess and wits the female will yield.

females should have a better interview process, word of mouth is reliant on facts, and often emotion will be the causation leading to a miss-communication.

the end goal remains the same, but the length of commitment could vary. because the end goal is important to both parties a mental game begins.

if a party yields to quickly an animosity (…hell has no fury) could be the sole cause of resentment.

the end.

steroids set one up for a day of rest
cc would begin the gym after an accident would leave him without the ability to walk, but through determination and will a regiment of physical activity would begin.


walking, weights, incline treadmill, navy seals training, 300 movie workout, description of how sets and times have improved over a decade, how 300 push ups became a goal, and that because the body needs an excessive amount of sleep to build, and rebuild muscle tissue the body will become assimilated with that life style. because physical effort is requires a mental determination the user will suffer an attribute change both mentally and physically.


So as the muscle get bigger the brain is smaller…


DNA is unique n that providing the necessary resources to put together a large mass of muscle triggers a chemical that induces the building of a skeletal frame large enough to support the mass.
With the first cycle a user will try to keep proportionally structured, but temptation wins…

…a simple memory

are you, you, or you going to help me out, is what was heard as he walked away from the three police officers?

he had gone downtown with a friend, no doubt but to get ridiculous, but it was not late into the evening when separation became imminent. as he walked the streets between clubs he would encourage the curiosity of some locals, who by then had amassed a group. showing the correct direction, he thought, to an associate’s house was the intended goal, but according to the officer responsible for detention, the groups sole intention was to direct me to a secluded area.

he was semi relieved to have dealt with the police; the duration of conversation with police was ample to disperse all followers. on his own, he would elect to barter with the chain, bracelet, and watch to get a ride from a cab driver. because of the short distance the driver was offered the short piece of gold. he felt, getting out of the cab, that his journey was about to conclude. knocking on the door at four in the morning was not advisable, but it is what was was done.

who is there?

is chester there?

chester is in jail.

having been to chester’s house many times the proposition of having to find a way home was the least of his concerns. he had managed to walk enough to reach sobriety, the sun was coming up, and he was about thirty miles from home. walking down the street he would conclude that this will be an opportunity to barter. at a gas station he would be approached and offered a ride home for cash.

business idea…

there are two projects that would be considered for further planing.

i started to need an outlet for writing, but also require the scheduling of an author. i will become familiar with the processes involved with acquiring assistance from the responsible agency

also i will amend the article’s to include computer science; i will allow for the education concerning an e-store.

…stream of thought

an introduction to many …

this live preview is not the reason for…

an outline concerning an upcoming manuscript…

…accept change, its a part of life; but that will not make the situation better or provide the necessary relief from stress caused by change.

Scary…

…i just got home from an overnight stay where the accommodations were straight forward, and the company was undesirable. i had many thoughts pondering the duration of my stay with one reoccurring as if on repeat; that thought is to get organized and find a direction.

…as i exchanged information with the commissioner my aim was to divulge the adequate amount, but not be fourth coming with the entire saga; so as to prevent constructing any obstacles that would hinder release.

…because of familiarity one finds oneself leading the life that resulted in an accident.

rum diaries…

i had been sober for a year and thought that i was due.

it was not long, duration measured in weeks, until i would have dealings with local law enforcement concerning alcohol consumption.

these events took place over a three day period; first, i would travel forty miles west, proceed to drink heavy, and require a chaperon to get home. i did have interaction with police officers, but they were understanding to my condition; even with an insult laden rampage.

fast forward seventy-two hours, and i find myself twenty miles south, consuming alcohol quickly. that night would not end with a ride home; instead i would be transported to central booking to be processed for being drunk, too drunk.

lesson to b taken away: go west!

…on the way home I would b upset but very thankful that i was no longer there; upset because of inability to contact ne family member and/or friend to provide the necessary commute. I had walked there twelve years ago from a distance of fifteen miles away, but i had no intention of walking home. As i crossed the street a decision became clear as to what the priority list was; get home and then eat. As i turned away from mcdonalds, (strategic placement) i would notice the taxi sign, not illuminated, on the roof of a van. I would approach, startle the driver, and inquire about the likely hood of a ride home?


As conversation alluded to the reasoning which lead to the free room and board i was…

…to whom it may concern

…u know who allows for maturity by way of experience r ignorant the process it takes to produce a man.

If only u were to combine the positive attributes of us, but u can not. So as a whole i will continue to sleep, play video games, and workout.

…a man eager to please will pattern thought for what is necessary; so if the willingness comes early, then expect it never to be different.

…excuse me your honor, but that cannot be as events occurred because i do not talk like that.

…as for the items contained in the backpack…

Questions r all that i have, like how i am suppose to arrive at the conclusion that i am responsible for others. It will not happen, and the most unattractive quality is need. Maturity without proper guidance only allows for many mistakes, and resentment. It will b that resentment that i will try to manage, but someone is sabotaging my pursuit.
When one chooses to lead by example and makes the choice not to help those that one has a responsibility to do so, then a question arises as to what behavior is expected.
She has been used to get me.
R.S. only is friends because he believes that he could have influence. That and because people with answers attract crowds, ask the local preacher.

Because of the quick loss of interest when n conversation with the intellectually challenged, a conclusion must b made that interaction was limited by design. Just as one foresaw socialized medicine the prediction can b made that unless there is an urgency with conversation dealing with end of life decisions, all will b lost.

Im not doing the job of being a surrogate because u justify not interacting with providing food and shelter; u r the intellectual giant who gave way to the first born, not my mistake, and certainly not my responsibility to improve the character.

But, because i have been pondering this issue all day, one perception i have is that it is necessary for me to believe the orchestrated events expressed to induce the desired behavior, and so by questioning the intent by others behind said events, i question the authority.

I am one to question everything, and if the suspect is related i am more inclined to become a critic. I will not believe what i am told by neone; that is a belief system well established as a way of dealing with the many relationships throughout life. I do not mean to produce ne obstacles for the way that is prescribed, but the way i handle relationships is a testament to upbringing.

If i am able to “Sherlock” this, then the capability of a brain, not injured by drugs, alcohol, siblings, thieves, drug dealers, and a Pontiac Grand Prix, would have been extraordinary.
… compassionate behavior was established early only as a means to adopt the beta role; having the willingness to trust would prepare one to interact with others.

…the story behind them

At first being a dic soon turned into being a drunk dic. I gave ample reason for them to call the police, and they did.

The next day i was able to locate one of them, and thought the more expensive of the two had to be relinquished as a result of police presents.

But if i were to have an altercation, was the excuse given in-order to posses the relinquished item .

I only had a reason soon to b a self fulfilling prophesy, and again a police confrontation was predictable. This incident did not allow for waking up in my bed; once released a property bag was given without certain items.

Only equipped with the choice one i would go to REI to replenish the feeling of having all three.

It was cinco de mayo, and i thought that i would not want to b without; so i carried the shortest. Again a self fulfilling prophesy; upon receipt of the property bag i noticed it was gone, but everything else was accounted for.

Three days later via mail i would receive notification that my property had been located, and that i could pick it up at headquarters.

…practice makes perfect, after finding it difficult to relate to the other students i would conclude that my place was not at school.

making that statement at twelve years old was ordinary, but at twenty-five made it questionable. i was a student at the community college, rehabbing from a recent mental shake-up, and realizing making associations with younger people would b difficult.

i then choose to leave college, and the options extended me were few, but i felt a mental progression in an area where a career could b started was necessary. i settled on attending a vocational school and receive training n computer aided design. I would b placed n a class with a deaf student, and his interpreter; it was the interpreter, Gina, and wanting to acquire more responsibility that would become a reason for the shirt and tie. It was one morning where i took care of making coffee; i was washing out the coffee container when i made contact with it and the cast iron sink. Thinking that if damage was done the water n the container would splash out. While conversing with Gina as to when would b an opportune time to get together out of school. Then it happened, the water n the container would create enough stress to have the bottom fall out. Having the container out of the sink, and over my feet would play an important role n the location of where the glass bottom fell. As i noticed the two inch cut the glass put into the top of my right shoe i would also see that the gray nylon fabric was turning red. I was cut and because of the reaction, or lack of reaction, to the prospect of being severely injured Gina would b impressed. I would b required to report to the on-site medical facility, where the wound would b cleaned, and then to a local hospital to receive stitches.

Around three days later Gina would give me a phone number and instructions to call. That was an ego boost, it was only four years post accident and Gina might have been the most attractive female to come my way n awhile. I contacted Gina and we made arrangements to get together a week later. That week n school a more relaxed feeling took hold and a confidence level not yet achieved came over me; that and because the game was over.

Gina and i got together and went to a small French restaurant for dinner, where conversation went from the extent of injury sustained n the accident i was involved n, to future plans and then marriage. And because conversation was going so well she would suggest we go get coffee at a local shop she was familiar with. After coffee we would b sitting n the car talking when my narcissistic tendencies would begin. I would brag as to the extraordinary luck to befall her; there were women and homosexuals n the neighborhood that have pursued.

“Homos, fags, lesbians; you do not know what you’re talking about”

Yeah, but you have long hair.

It was because of Gina electing to play the role of lesbian that would have the immediate family dissociate themselves, and would also have an effect on a perspective she had of me. I tried to provide excuse for such ignorance, and she simply replied that i would make a good lawyer.

As we concluded the night with a twenty minute make-out session, I thought that i was back n; four days later she told me to go get fucked, n around about way!

..a day n court and arriving at the courthouse thirty minutes before opening i was astonished to realize that i was not the first. i had arrived with reading material in hand so as not to become frustrated with the “hurry up and wait” mentality. it would b a barometer telling me whether the community had a negative perspective of my behavior.

i would b assured multiple  times that the public defender was working with the state’s attorney to arrive at a fair resolution; stet docket was recommended and agreed upon. as the public defender’s intern was explaining the right’s i was waiving to participate n the stet docket process, i took it as an opportunity to inform him of a recent arrest. after divulging said information to the public defender a combining of all charges was purposed, the state would not oppose, and, since only three weeks elapse between arrests, the latter of arrests would be null processed.

  1. started the company as way to provide CreativeSpace the necessary member, and tax, numbers. I filed the articles of organization to include the purpose being to author and sell books through CreativeSpace.
    .the manuscripts r not as forthcoming as the desired living standard dictate. .i was then unable to specifically state the purpose, and when filing the necessary paperwork with the state the noted purpose was, landscaping author.
    .i have settled on making an amendment to the articles of organization associated with CACRAMER L.L.C. to state the purpose as, all business regulated by Maryland code.
    .i set up a checking account in the company name so as to ensure a paper trail of ne tax write-offs. .the only monies to come out of the account were those to hire a lawyer for its CEO; a write-off, i would presume.

    …426 days until im relieved

    …i will attempt to write a book concerning the pitfalls that proved to b a level of insanity.
    The story starts out while visiting a relative n flordia; while there i would visit the school where i attended 1st grade.
    Back home i would settle in and return to school in the 2nd grade, and that day included a lesson in how to escape a house on fire. All houses being different a map of the escape route was necessary. When my brother and i got home the imagination was analyzing the task, and devising the quickest and most efficient way out of a burning house. Our room window opened to where there was a narrowing of the chimney, about two-stories high. It was decided that a quick escape included a three second drop from the ledge created by the narrowing.
    I do not know if there was an element of courage or stupidity, but before i jumped an inquiry was made as to the front door being locked. As my grandmother unlocked the front door to let me in, all i heard was, “And just how did you get out there?”
    Fast forward four years and twenty-four miles north, and im a student at the middle school west of the Chesapeake. That year i would be caught shop lifting, pellet pistol, and a pistol, .357 magnum, was found in a drawer of my captain’s bed. Because those situations would take place in the same week a decision to runaway was made.
    As my brother and i started riding our bikes we did not have a plan except to arrive at the third shoplifter’s house. When we arrived he, Rob, was without a bike so he took his neighbors. Once that was settled we all needed to make our way to an abandoned house. After getting there and finding the conditions less than desired. My brother, Bill, finding it cold tried to start a fire, but he would soon realize a bee hive was nested in the chimney. The smoke from the fire would do its best to upset the bees, and soon the first level of the house was infested.
    It was not long before one of us was stung, and we were on the way to the next house. Also abandoned and the smell and dust amount were familiar, but this house had more junk, providing less room to stretch out and relax. It was not long before us three concluded that because we were runaways, we essentially were criminals.
    Our behavior became more flamboyant, and our target became a new house that had not been sold. After breaking the glass on the back door, we were in; in the hot tub celebrating our recent success when the cops came in.

    …conversations with mouth

    This gentleman just dropped dead of a heart attack, and he was fifty; his wife was upset, not just because he was dead, but because of the planning she was now having to do without him.”
    …yeah, well medical advancements have made much progress n the recent months.
    “That is what i want, i mean to die like that; to go painless.”
    …u mean to die with dignity; u kno, a time before u can not wipe u own ass
    “It is funny u mention that. I need to lose weight.

    …the contribution

    The monetary contribution made to your bank account every month is significant when compared to mine; that being what entitles me to laziness, but i am productive all day; whether it b a productivity n the mental or physical attributes.

The monetary contribution needed to allow members of the immediate family to continue a lifestyle commiserate with the one adopted today will b considerable, and as a peddler, it will b hard and require more than three hours a day.

It will require little thought to arrive at a conclusion for the reason i am not around; u will either come around or get left behind.

Getting the cab driver to agree with the mission was always a tricky situation and was the only way to ensure a ride home; but when all fails a separation could not b avoided. this time the separation occurred on a busy road n the city. as i would b asked to get out of the cab, the driver slowed, with the intention of stopping i presume, but as i leaned to get out, the cab accelerated, leaving me unbalanced and apt to fall forward.

picking myself up off the road n front of the curbing i would feel the trickle of blood. upset but undeterred as to the reason for the visit, i would continue walking to where, if memory served, i would get served! i ran into a guy who had to travel a distance of twenty feet. as i turned around, i saw the bus, and it stopped to pick me up; it was either i was at a bus stop, or sympathy overcame the driver to c a white boy with half of his face red.

on the bus i was able to gather my thoughts and decide that a long bus ride was in-order. as the bus made a stop a uniformed police officer would get on. as he walked towards me he was saying something, but i was preoccupied with my own problems, and responded, “who the fuck u talk’in to?” he would inform me that a hospital visit was warranted, and he would make that happen. as we got off the bus i would take notice we were on Baltimore street, that being where the first prostitute was pulled, and the place where my car was broken into.

the ambulance would arrive and take me to a nearby hospital where i would receive stitches above the left eye, and a cleaning of the abrasions left by the concrete.

  1. lived this bitch

    i had not been home from a day at the college

after school i went to the bar

from the bar i took a cab into the city to acquire drugs

at a liquor store i would inquire about the proper location

i would follow two guys to a location; on the way i would drunk fall many times

the two would lead the way to a field where they elected to tackle me; one of them pulled a knife

after getting mugged i would continue walking out to the main road; where i would meet up with police

an investigation as to the reason i was there was conducted, and after realizing i was there to acquire drugs, by way of me asking for them to point me in the right direction, the police would provide the transportation out of the city, but still fifteen miles from my residence. it would require the officer to park the cruiser, get out, and forcefully remove me.

I had recently seen the construction of a potato gun and thought there was nothing to it. As there was a search for materials a decision was made to proceed without a wick. The three inch diameter PVC pipe was cut-off at a length of four feet, and corked at one end. A hole was drilled n the end located near were the propellent would b ignited to drive the tennis ball out the other end.

It would not be along walk into the backyard, but sufficient to become out of sight. The decision to proceed without a wick became problematic, and the solution was to inject highly flammable liquid into the hole, ignite the vapours, and have the gun discharge. All good n theory! As the liquid was injected all would not go into the hole and would run down the side of the pipe and drip on the leaves covering the forest floor. Light the vapours quickly before evaporation takes place was heard. A lighter was held near the hole, and nothing; needed more liquid, and a quicker exchange with the lighter. This time the liquid was still dripping when the lighter was held near the hole. The liquid dripping off the pipe ignited thus igniting the dry leaves covering the forest basin. As the two guys would scramble to put out the spreading fire a third individual was instructed to go call 9-1-1, he would come back with a bucket of water, and because of the want to b quick careful attention was not paid to the lowering water level with every step closer to the fire. He would arrive, alert the other two that there was not call made, and the bucket was about empty. As he joined the fire fight another would go, call 9-1-1, and come back with an extinguished fire extinguisher.

That day the three would b responsible for a brush fire that would produce $0 n property damage.

A special thanks to the fire fighters that responded that day, and of course this is not true.

…Chris had been target shooting for some time and Bill about the same time when at the Maryland State Games, they both would compete, and finish first and second. At an indoor shooting range, they both would practice on Saturday mornings, but this Saturday a handgun was left unattended near Chris’s shooting position. Chris looked in Bills direction, and with Bill staring at him he would realize they were both thinking the same thought. It happened so fast that Bill was uncertain, but Chris had remove the handgun, taken it outside, and returned.

Chris and Bill were brothers who relished the idea of having access to a gun so young, but they were careful so as not to draw much attention. Chris would even take the gun to a party where a shootout with another boy was to transpire, but in the end would just become a talking point with the ladies. Later that year Chris would take the gun to school and only pull it out in the bathroom.

Chris and Bill would then be attending a camp for a week during the summer where shooting would take place; after shooting for the day the equipment would be placed in a walk-in safe where the indoor range/pro shop would house all sale items. after the second day of housing the equipment in said room the mental activity would begin, and by the forth day Chris had it. While exiting the room at the end of the day Chris would kneel done at the the door placing an item down impeding the steel door from shutting completely. After camp consolers had dispersed and Chris and Bill were waiting for transportation home the door would be opened. The plan was working, first Chris would go in a get the handgun he wanted, then it would be Bill’s turn.

Fun was had for the immediate future; that was until, while looking for a raincoat in Chris’s room, the first of the two would be discovered. A story was told alleviating Chris and Bill of any responsibility. It was not long after that the two would be caught shoplifting a air pistol, and a decision to runaway and not deal with the consequences was made. It would be the second person to the duel at the party that would be the third person accompaning Bill and Chris. After getting to Ron house, on peddle bikes, they would all venture off to arrive at an abandoned house near Ron’s. While trying to warm up next to a fire Bill would get stung by one of the bees agitated by the fire. That would inspire the flight to another abandoned house; with the second house not up to the standards of three runaways, and realizing that as runaways we were basically criminals, we left with the intentions of criminals. Chris would lead the three to a neighborhood where the houses had not been sold, but were complete and furnished. The three would be relaxing in a hot tub reminiscing the horrible conditions of the first house when the police would arrive.

Breaking News…

As reported n cities along the east coast the burden of exposure to a triple digit heat index would not b relieved by a power consuming air conditioner.

As a way to alleviate oneself from the predicament created by nature, one man, a Darwin award selection, was found dead n his car. After further investigation and autopsy it was concluded that in order to remain cool a decision was made to allow for the running of his car, n the closed garage, to benefit from the cooling effect of air conditioning. Because the vehicle had discontinued operating when professionals arrived at 1600, a determination as to when the carbon monoxide became potent could not b made. A time of death was established for 1100, and a result of heat exhaustion; which allowed for loss of consciousness.

In other news…

A recent theory as to nature and business coming together. Nature providing the storms that cause a power outage, and the heat that will remain unbearable. Businesses providing refuge from the heat, but requesting that only paying customers remain.

…a little longer than expected

As Carlos and Bin proceeded straight at the stop sign they would begin to smoke a few joints. As time began to slow so did they as they would approach a cyclist. It was a narrow two lane road and the situation began to irritate the two, but relief was n sight n the form of a sedan with a bike rack.

That morning Carlos would arrive at Bin’s house to interact with Bin’s sister, and establish fuck-buddy status; soon realizing that it was to early n the morning for that. Carlos and Bin would retreat to a room n the house where conversation was difficult to hear. The topic of pipe bombs became to subject of choice, and after a trip to the hardware store, construction began.

It was first to a friend’s house, who was having a pool party, to show off the variety of bombs and the destructive power. After one explosion, sending metal fragments n all directions, a level of attentiveness was reached; taking that as an indicator to leave before a fight ensued. The two were off to find something to get n to!

After seeing the car with a bike rack it was not long until Carlos spat out a plan, and being the passenger n the vehicle he would elect to plant the bomb. Carlos would then exit the vehicle, run up to the car, wedge the bomb n the space between the front bumper and the grill, lit the wick, and was off. Bin had been wanting Carlos to jump back n the vehicle, but as Carlos ran to the right ducking behind a mound of dirt, Bin was late n accelerating, and as the bomb exploded metal was sent everywhere; a small piece going through a window of Bin car and hitting him n the head.

Carlos and Bin had not a clue as to what was going on, they were not thinking clearly. A sense of chaos, and then elation as they left the scene. Getting to the end of the road then turning around, was ample time to allow for the cyclist to arrive at the car. As they passed Carlos would take notice to the bumper n the shape of a shallow V and the puddle of antifreeze and oil mixed under the car and comment, the bike ride is going to b longer than expected!

…on monday i went to tell my story to a graduate class of nurses n speech pathology at Loyola; where i met another victim of a car accident. i was able to get together with her at her apartment the following day, tuesday. we would goto lunch, walk the mall, and head back to her place. I awoke n my driveway wednesday to then decide my bed was close enough; i got to the bed, but only to sleep a few hours. i would make contact with her to better understand the occurrences of a night before. certain images r tarnished but others r not, i will surmise the nights events; television, cuddle, thought a shower could not hurt, nap, police escort, cab ride. i was finger-banging the girl when an odor would overtake the room, and when that happened i would move to oral; i was not there long when i inquired about the last time douche was used, or if she knew what douche was? i then would coax her into the shower, but when she got out i was passed out on her couch; and that would b when, not being able to talk, (an extremely attractive characteristic) she TTYed the police to have me escorted out. “Smell this motherfucker, and tell me u would not b this drunk.” is all it took for the cops to extend compassion, and call for a cab ride home!

…a first time for everything

I had made the assumption that she was not being honest and surprising her would be something i could do. I had recently met her, and had gone out of my way to impress her. She would comment that i was the first guy to do certain things, but n the end i would b the first guy she would have police escort from her home.

Yesterday started as most days do except i had plans to get together with a girl i started talking to less than twenty-four hours earlier. It would b a stop at the coffee shop, but just for coffee, and then i was off to surprise her. I had not walked that far n a long time, but i had not had sexual relations for an even longer time. I went to where i thought she lived, but it was not; fortunately i was able to get transportation to her complex.

We then went to lunch at the mall and from there it was back to her place. Arriving at her place we would watch television for some time, and it was some time since i had tested my tolerance as i did.

I awoke n my driveway at some point, and after careful deduction and conversation i was able to conclude that she had to call the police to have me escorted out…and that is how u make an impression.

…afternoon reflection

The four of us, with a combined age of thirty-six, were walking through the neighborhood discussing the availability of our teacher, among other things. Then one of us had the idea to travel to a local convenient store to purchase a switch blade comb.
The four of us walked up to the eight lane highway with intentions of crossing. Knowing it was the last obstacle n our pursuit was a relief,. I was not the first to try, and after i witnessed my friend struck by a truck, i would not try.


I would allow a decade to pass before i would find that having witnessed Frank get struck by a truck would not prepare me for being hit by a car.


…well, someone had to step n
the three of us enjoyed a good game of billiards, and with the party over we would elect to go to the house with a pool table. After playing a few games the effects of a long day were apparent, but Chis would view that as an opportune time to share.
Share the quarter ounce of cocaine he was holding; dumping a third on the mirror. After claiming that the smell of the product was perfect Chris would pass the straw. This time it was Don who thought he was entitled to what was there, and he would comment, “i accidentally did it all”. Chris was upset but not deterred from having a good time.
It would not b many more games before Don would start convulsing and fell to the ground. Chris would kneel down and listen for breathing taking place. Shallow as it was Chris would use a hand to support Don’s back as a compression movement was conducted. Convulses were all that indicated life, and that is when Chris elected to lift Don’s body to a level just under his chin; at which time Chris would let Don’s body free fall until contact was made by his knee. It was CPR n reverse!

Arriving one hour early for my appointment i would approach the front desk to inquire the locality of a good cup of coffee. After being told the whereabouts of a restaurant/deli i would assure the desk clerk the return would allow the necessary time needed for paperwork.

It was a six-hundred yard walk, but with coffee as a goal, i was good for a mile. Upon entrance i would wonder what the dress code was, and announce that a stay was not wanted. As the woman reached for the paper cup i would let her know that i had a cup, and if she could just fill it with coffee. Setting the full cup on the counter and quoting a price took about forty seconds.

Excuse me, how much?

That is alright; i do not want it anymore. I know it is already n the cup, and i might start to charge u rent!

Wait, u will accept half that?

…the appearance will lead.

one into believing that a lesser man is here. on a recent visit i encountered an issue leading to the belief that one is responsible for the behavior of others.

was it worth it to pose the argument that because u r cheap the bank should issue a card to combat the compromising role of last…

…a speech

I was an active person by way of soccer, basketball, competitive shooting, billiards, and employment. As for employment i   worked landscaping, tree removal, and construction; i was working construction away from home at the time of my accident, october 1999. I was struck by a car, and remained in a coma for five weeks. I was discharged after three months with the inability to walk.

In 2001 i joined a gym two miles from my house and to get there i walked; because of the susceptibility to seizures my driver’s license was taken. At first that walk would take more than three hours, but that was just the start of my progression. After many hours walking to and from the gym I reduced my time to an hour.

In 2004 i would elect to attend school at the community college level, and after taking the placement exam, I would be required to take three prerequisite courses in math, and two in english.

Finding it difficult to relate to the other students, i would leave school to pursue a certificate at a vocational school. After graduating i would return to community college and graduate with an associates degree in 2009.

Not having a driver’s license meant it was a 0500 wake up, or a three mile walk to a bus stop, and once off the bus a one mile walk to the college. Conforming to the early wake up for the first stint at the community college made the dorm stay at the vocational school that much more attractive. Upon registering for community college the second time i would walk to the bus stop, and walk to school.

I would employ the use of an app associated with my phone that would monitor me by way of GPS in janurary 2011, and by april 2012 i had registered 1000 miles.

.i attribute the abundance of physical activity to an increase in self confidence; which allowed for more consistent decision making and follow through. The self confidence i had was created through twenty-three years of living; the injury left me questioning my ability to do most activities, i felt a loss of self confidence; through much self imposed rehabilitation i was able to regain an important part of my being; the physical rehabilitation lead to a mental self reliance and a restoration of a sense of normalcy.

A high level of activity inspires doing more which is a characteristic of human behavior. Through many trials i began telling myself, the gym is the easiest thing to fall out of, and the hardest to get back into, and with that i leave you all with my next endeavor which is to compete in the 2016 paralympics.

…awkward

  1. found it difficult to relate to other participants at the Adaptive Sports Festival, for the simple fact that my injury only left me unable to walk for a time measured in months, not life. But also that the paralyzed part of my body is the forth cranial nerve of the right eye, and…

    It was when i went to engage in basketball that i was directed to an! individual who had a question for me. He would inquire if i ever thought about what could have been. I responded with an emphatic no, and, reading the expression given, concluded was the answer least thought. I would later clarify by informing him of the situation being dealt with at the time of injury, and realizing the the recent probationary period imposed was…

    …but a lesson i learned early in recovery was to dedicate time and thought to imagining what was possible is a waste of time; it deters from the necessary rehabilitation needed to properly recover.
    A recent visit…

    …sitting in front of the commissioner brought about many memories, too many, but aside from that i was only detained for a D&amp;D.

“mr. cramer, the charges against you amount to six years, what happened?”

six years for drunk and disorderly, is what was I was thinking, but saying something would be a sign of disrespect.

“the charges are drunk and disorderly, failure to obey, resisting arrest, and concealed weapon.”

the weapon was a knife, and all four are legal with blades less than four inches.“

stand next to the door, she will be here to remove you.”

well, how much is my bail?”

nothing, I am releasing you on you own recognizance, but you will have court for these charges on October first”

After getting that news I was good for a few hours. I would be escorted to a cell with a few other inmates awaiting to regain property and freedom. The cell had a temperature of something below sixty degrees, but because I was arrested with sandals, no socks, I was conditioned; that and it remained the last step concerning release.

1530 would be the time when I would be shown to my property; where I would discover the crystal of my watch with 13,000 cracks, and figure that I had developed a enemy in the arresting officer. I would get a taxi from there.

he main difference between being arrested in Baltimore city as opposed to Columbia was about ten hours; and that I would have five cellmates. Drugs are a lot of places but I thought county jail was the exception. I was witness to one cellmate curing the “ills” by taking a few “bumps of dope” as we waited to get further along in the process to see the commissioner.

At the end of my Saturday night, 2100, I would be surrounded by men in yellow jerseys, and one would take me from behind. Doing a face plant intro the pavement alerted me to the seriousness of the situation. After being handcuffed and pulled upright I would sit in a chair until the transport to jail was made available.

Arriving drunk would allow for a level of concern needed for sleep.

Making one step further in the process I would be moved to a cell populated by many waiting to be finger printed, and photographed. I would manage to come in right after marijuana had been smoked and the smell still lingered, but movement meant that I was almost out, 0100. After being photographed I would be directed to a row of telephones; where I would be allowed my one phone call. I would elect to call my house’s land line, but only let it ring a few times; giving caller id the needed time to discover location, but not wake anyone.

After the six of us were finger printed, photographed, and made use of the phones, we all would be placed in a cell with limited space. With only the one bathroom allowed for an education in jailhouse etiquette; I thought it would be required for sleep accounting that three of the other guys were making sleep impossible with their incessant snoring. I would use my shoes as a pillow, but because of remaining an active person in daily life the uncomfortableness of the situation would not allow sleep. at 0800 breakfast would come, and I would learn that the commissioner would begin seeing inmates at 0930. as everyone save one awoke for breakfast we all would converse about reasoning as to the visit, and likelihood of being released without a bail. With all but me returning to a state of sleep, I would ponder many thoughts that led to the arrest, and I would conclude that there was a constant in all of them. I would inquire as to what the time was by a passing guard,1100, and still no progress. It would be after the Raven’s football game started that I would be moved to a cell awaiting the commissioner. As inmates would come and go I would I thought I was getting close,…

…I had made friends with the group for reasons necessary only to have a supplier, and was helping a friend spend his money.

We arrived at the house for the purpose of acquiring a 1/4 pound of marijuana. The dealer would decide to use the money to indulge in more potent drugs; he only needed a ride into the city. Dan would agree to be the ride, and there was no time to drop me off.

It was four of us and we would proceed to a spot where heroin was sold; Mike was served in the car window. All of us would then proceed to the spot cocaine was sold, and on the way, while circling the block, get pulled over.

Luckily we had left the marijuana so my responsibilities were none. Mike had decided to loose the heroin under my seat, and not that the police were involved was disappointing. All of us were removed from the car, and ordered to remain curbside. As the cop searched the car i felt more confident as time passed.

“I found it under your seat, it was yours”

My day really turned for the worse; my only recourse were the “tracks” on Mike’s arm. After the cop had let us go did Dan discover his wallet missing, along with the money to by the marijuana. Choosing to get gas before tracking down the cop with Dan’s wallet was stressful but necessary.

Returning to the location where the search and seizure took place again decided to circle the block; once again we came across the cop, and this time we motioned him over. Dan would jump out and meet the cop in the street. Dan got into the car he would acknowledge how fortunate he felt, as he was followed by the cop across the street. At which time the cop would toss onto the backseat a dime of cocaine and reply, “here guys get high off that”.

It would not be three minutes before Mike had prepared the needle in order for him to get high intravenously.

reflection…10/27,10/28,11/1

was incarcerated October first and was released on the second;. I made an effort to change my behavior; by the sixth i was attending a daily AA meeting

i settled my debt with the university allowing me to register. i intend to do so after…

i started working doing renovations to homes. my second week of work will b postponed by sandy; from what is reported she is a bitch

.i have worked a few days this week pasted. and i believe this to b an opportunity.

.i attended an AA meeting this morning to complete the required amount. .im beginning to get “the program”, atleast the way inwhich i choose to navigate the the acceptance; i would start by requesting forgiveness for a prior incident.

i will begin an “action-plan” associated with the level one addictions program i participate n. lame name, but i will take the situation very serious.

a storm disrupted the area; i was affected because i am not in storm restoration. transportation  to work has to b a concern.

i have struggled to arrive at a sense of normalcy after being injured; at the start of the year is when events would lead to arrest.

…the program

I intend to complete what is necessary to remain a productive member of society. I will pro actively involve myself everyday.

At the moment of release i would go home and sleep; two days later i would begin daily pro active behavior by way of attending a meeting at the health department.

Today it will b a meeting at the alano club.

I will take a journalistic approach to the experience, and i will answer to myself.

…anxiety issues related to the probability of incarceration

…this would b the culmination of events that would b the result of binge drinking.

…discipline of a sort

…for better or worse my father never would hit me below the waist, but always choose to snap my neck with a swift open hand knock to the head. .there is a scar at eye level where the wedding band made contact. .personally i think the many hits to the rear of my head would allow for the needed strain to the brain stem to prepare for the impact of 3200 pounds traveling 40 mph.

…uncharacteristic perception

i arrived at 0700 for a 0900 meeting, but was only expected to sit outside the building for one hour. i was fortunate n that an employee arrived on scene to let me n at 0745. i attended the meeting where i found out that Dell’s son was assaulted and robbed on black friday. but it was as if surviving that allowed for little concern because the following monday he would sell marijuana to an undercover police officer. what a fucking weekend, i thought to myself, and i was pleased that situations n my life where less chaotic. as the meeting ended i would walk to the bus stop and try and retrieve bus fare from a back pocket; only to discover i forgot my wallet. no wallet, no identification, no admittance n the next stop on the day’s agenda.

i did posses a letter detailing the desire and reason to c me; but also possessing the paperwork needed for that meeting. as i got off the bus i was confident that this was not a wasted trip. when i walked n i was met by security, but no identification request; so an hour went by before i was seen, and that was when the i.d. request was made. after presenting the letter, and answering a few questions correctly, i was certain they believed i was the recipient of said letter.

the letter made the request that i provide statements for the assets n my name dating back to august 2010. i try to appear as if “i got my shit together”, and had a binder containing all the monthly statements separated by dividers. to hasten the process i would remove the binder’s contents, remove the dividers, and photo copy the statements. i walked out to the bus stop two hours after getting off the bus and thought today is a good day.

i only had a one hour bus ride, but it was late to it’s transportation hub where i needed transfer to a different bus.

no time for…

it had been since april that notice had been given; around the second week.

with a reoccurring thought being how it would b wise to formulate a daily response to the daily saying.

dec. 4th

“he that walketh with wise men shall b wise- proverbs

he that walketh with dumbass shall also be known as dumbass-  author proverbs”

i developed relationships along my recovery for good, and bad reasons.

my father told me this morning that the community thinks im a free loader; to which I responded, I had been unwilling to admit that.

I interpret the situation as so; I was injured and then recovery took place, and while rehabilitating I would elect to walk to a gym two miles from my residence; because of an abnormal gate that would take me around three hours.

I would try construction, but working three days and a fall is all it took to have me decide to make money with my head and not my hands.

I would then begin school at the community college, arriving everyday at 0600-0630, and, transportation home was provided by a transportation service. School provided me with many needed experiences.

I will not allow myself to become unwilling to do daily exercise, that remains a therapy, helping ensure sanity. I am working on some days as a laborer, and on others as a person who will test gym equipment.

…Merry Christmas to all

Merry Christmas!

as for an idea this is n the best of intentions while also saving money, time, awkwardness, and having to c me. i am thankful for the position with regard to adjustment that the community has.

it is only now that i feel the pressure of the holidays; meaning not being organized to have the ability to supply all those who deserve.

thank you,

cacramer

…arrogance?

i had walked to the bakery to get coffee and a sandwich, and while there an offer to transport me to the gym was made. at the gym i would adhere to a routine that started long ago. i had arrived at the gym that morning by 0800, and by 0945 i had left; because of it being shoulder&amp;leg day and having a need for fresh legs, i would omit the leg workout. i would complete the warm-up, and then a shoulder workout. it would b the intensity of said warm-up and workout that would prepare me.

i was not excited to walk home, but i was trying to beat the rain. i had been walking for an hour steady, at a swift pace, and with purpose other than exercise. i got through the first few intersections without incident, knowing the congestion came later. as i approached the half way point i would adjust the pace to take advantage of the signal allowing cars to move through. once through and after passing a gas station, then a bank, i would begin to increase the pace.

it would b less than .25 mile and i would b hit by a car.

i was walking by a driveway allowing traffic to enter/exit the highway when i would walk in front of a truck; i had not cleared the front of the vehicle as it became apparent. i started to move faster n an effort to not get hit, but that would just cause my legs to kick-up leaving me parallel with the front bumper. as the truck made contact, my body would b pushed into oncoming traffic.

as i picked myself up off the pavement i would c a small vehicle directly in front of me. the car was able to apply brakes and stop long before a possible impact, and the truck would stop after a short distance.

while the coffee mug did not remain n my hand the gallon jug of water did. the person that hit me offered to purchase a replacement cup of coffee.

i declined the coffee and a ride to the hospital, and continued to walk home.]

…a letter

i am writing to inform of a transgression occurring Friday last. it has been nearly four decades that i and/or some immediate family member has held a policy.

i proceeded to accelerate onto a highway failing to let a gentleman clear the front of my Suburban; he was wearing a solid red poncho which would double as a Madiador’s cape. as i witnessed the motions created by throwing someone off balance, i would concur that contact was made. the driver of the car eastbound and i were able to stop before further damage.

as i got out and approached i was not the first to offer assistance; the man driving eastbound, which is opposite the direction the gentleman was walking, was there. he had offered transportation to an emergency center, but to my surprise the gentleman would get up, unassisted, decline ne medical attention and return walking. i assumed that he knew what he was doing, or not doing, and that the distance required would somehow realign the spine.

i recall an accident early on n my driving career, but as a whole the co. is n the green; having no fire, burglary, or auto claims. i plan to with hold payments for ne future insurance until i locate this remarkable gentleman.

but before i make contact with the gentleman i will discover the escort service Elliot Spitzer used, and have the whores trucked n ten at a time!

Thanx,

…still ahead of the curve.

it has been over a decade since being hit by the first car.
the second time came as more of a surprise, but would not require immediate medical attention. It was recent that i got hit for a second time.
n the time that has gone by since the first collision i would take serious the idea of walking to your destination. at one time measuring the time required to accomplish a distance of one thousand miles; sixteen months.
i have started caring a pedometer, and on a day of many errands i was able to register a mark of twenty-five thousand steps.
i read the posts for the past decade and would admit to a being a victim of chance. i have been fortunate with regard to the number of trips walking and the times being hit.
but i also know that i am reducing the number of chances i have…

…to whom it may concern

yesterday was the two week anniversary of being hit by a car for a second time.the first time both parties were drunk, so it was an accident all can relate to.the second time was different n that i was n a hurry to get home before the rain started, and would assume the right-of-way; that is until i was hit. i have given much thought to causation, and inadequate lines of communication with the community.

..and as for me walking out of here, the meeting ends at 11am and there is more guilt associated with picking me up on the street.

…as i c it

i will respond to the behavior n question by reducing the travel to illicit venues. i have conducted regular monthly meetings with a behavior therapist, while attending Alcoholics Anonymous twice a week; together with a weekly visit to the health department.

i am unwilling to commit myself to a 28-day program because of the severity; i contend that that would b an admittance of a far greater problem.

…yeah, but is it worth reading

everyone has a story, and if told correctly the mundane can seem dramatic; as for my story it has been laughable with respect to direction and focus.

it was difficult to b an authority figure n my life while trying to discover how to become a man; n the beginning the job fell to my brother, who, only thirteen months older, was determined to carry the water for both of us. soon realizing that punishment divided by two was always better.

the transition from junior-high school to high school was made easier, but by then i had adopted the role of peddler-thief-runaway-motocross rider. i was not prepared for school, and would leave and get a GED.

as a new community college student the opportunities just required more effort than i was willing to give, and i always figured there was an easier way. out of a possible sixty credits from the college i received six. i choose to leave college. i had been working for a landscaping company, so i was familiar with manual labor. after leaving the college i started working as a day laborer for a tree company. that would lead to working for a construction company; which lead to working on the Eastern shore of Maryland. i would require the assistance of one other person on a weekly basis while staying at my boss’s house. it was the second week with the second helper that i concluded not everyone was excited by a hard days work!

it was sunday, i had worked the day, and then my helper and i would go to the bar. after a meal, and some billiard games we would leave the “Nut-House”. while walking across the parking lot a challenge was made, and wrestling ensued.

the first of the two cars detoured to avoid the two derelicts. the second would hit the winner going forty miles per hour.

it was slow n the beginning of what would a long rehabilitation; there have been many experiences that would have to occur before an identity would b found.


…rock bottom

today, i was removed from the building by nine guys, all of whom were representatives of the college,

but the guy wearing the badge really had me question the legality of running; as soon as we hit the bricks i inquired as to the purpose of the encounter.

after being informed of reasoning i could not understand the cause, and then i remember how one thinks is a result of experience, and i was incorrect.

…about sums it up

…”more than verbal skill. …have a sense of adventure and playfulness. One needs toughness to experiment and hazard the risk of failure. One has to be strong enough to start all over again if need be and alert enough to learn from whatever happens. One needs a strong ego to be propelled forward in one’s drive toward an untried goal. Above all, one has to possess the ability to play!”- TheBigPicture.com

it was the early into the second half of last year that i would start showing up sporadically, and then after the violation i made it an everyday event.

now it remains twice a week; i like it, works for me. it is not a shyness, it is the concept that to build relationships is to accept expectations; my family expects that similar activities be done every morning, which is alright; but to have others require certain behavior, i will not engage. And to buy a book that will provide the group with an outline as to how to profit off future behavior; sell religion somewhere else!

the word profit has many meanings; and not all scams transpire in the time it takes to rob someone.

i recently was told that it was attributable to luck that i was able to survive being struck n the head by a vehicle traveling forty miles-per-hour.

to which i replied, i do not understand ones logic n that i arrived at the hospital with an inflamed pilonidal cyst and would have the surgeon elect to lacerate the cyst, and not perform a tracheotomy or provide a shunt; as to not allow other means for infection to appear.

aside from the fact that the doctors could monitor my vitals, induce breathing with a ventilator, and provide the required medical attention within the “golden hour”, the facts tell a different story.

the fact i was inebriated was a benefit in that intoxicated patients have a 65 percent greater chance of survival. alcohol appears to act as a buffer that inhibits certain stress-related chemicals released n the blood; in addition to that the THC recently ingested acted as a neuroprotectant with regards to binding the cannabinoid receptors. the cannabiniod created by the body n traumatic situations is not sufficient to reduce the fluid that becomes responsible for swelling of the brain. the substance the body produces has a similar structure to the chemicals found n marijuana; which had the effect of reducing the inflammatory response to trauma, slowing the absorption of toxic chemicals, and by increasing blood supply to the head.

-winning
…an evolution of sorts

…yeah, but i made it home with my glasses.

was the first thought crossing the mind as i became cognizant. this remains thirty-six hours after the experience occurred, and reflection has concluded with many fortunate outcomes.

fortunate in the behavior of both individuals involved n all situations; it was started by a simple memory and concluded with a realization of the human experience.

they say “trigger”, i say a particular series of thought leading to an experience; an experience that would start with the the idea implanted at the start. whatever the idea a consistent level of activity was started as a way of distraction, but a walk to gym, a workout, a walk home, and a shower was not able to dilute the desire.

a thought so embarrassing a reluctance of guilt is easily accepted, but reflection a curiosity. a list of priority was establish when a progression was made clear; everything is a process of logic being evolutionary. the start the process was slow because of the redundancy.

financial impact is always a concern, with this situation being no different; realization of impact would conclude forty hours later with a sense of relief. physical injuries were minor compared with the trauma experiences, but as for daily activities, debilitating; because i was willing to trust others, but unwilling to become stationary, avoidance of larceny became the fortunate outcome…

another fortunate outcome would occur as a secondary result of being an atheist who allows for a faith driven hiatus. after leaving the gentleman’s club the directions were not clear, but a goal of “desirables” would set mentality on a course to expend all potential energy into achievement; thus, processing all thoughts and actions of a devilish nature into fruition.

…theEnd

What remains the worst…All my life I have been told to encourage my foresight, and allow for an early exit when the situation would turn negative.

…thing that could happen?

The demonstration is free, but will cost u the experience The desire to garner the prescribe medication took him out of his area. The goal of obtaining the cure to anxiousness and fretfulness took Bob to the inner city. Where, after being dropped off, found that because of a code of conduct the communication was not as intended. All parties were of the same mind. Understanding that what had transpired left Bob with only one way to leave. Bob acknowledged he was fucked and would venture off on foot.

Bob being a crafty individual took this as an opportunity to recon the local area in search of the prescribed medication. Knowing the general location and direction he was headed increased the likelihood of discovery. Allowing multiple taxis to pass Bob walked for a hour, or until the sweat bled through. Bob would motion to a cab to stop.

“Where to?”

“Closest sports bar, or spot.”

At the bar Bob would keep the drinking to a minimum. Watching soccer only because football had not started programing, and reading news updates was how time was spent waiting. The “waiting game” n a new atmosphere provided new experiences for Bob.  It was not long after the agreed upon time that the “hack” arrived with the medication.

-wining

Hack Cab- unofficial cab in the city that usually takes you to where u wanna go!

this is the month that a tragic event occurred that would have an evolving effect on certain aspects of daily living. for me it has been fourteen years, and within that time a education of societal norms took place.

the lifestyle that one adopted before becoming injured was careless at best; including the withdraw from education, the decision to allow manual labor equate to livelihood, and incarceration.

an adjustment concerning behavior was required, one that was unforgiving.

since that injury the memories of before being injured r similar to reality; with the occasional thoughtlessness.

Cacramer

  1. elected to pursue employment, even with the environment for disabled-dropout-convicts not so strong, through a state agency. i arrived at the department early for my appointment to meet with my counselor to discuss employment opportunities. (6/25/2013) It was the two week anniversary of our meeting with no contact from the organization the counselor had referred the case to. The prospect for employment had suffered as the years went by. it has been more than a decade now and with each day comes a renewed anticipation for employment. (7/9/2013) A month has gone with no contact except me sending emails, and leaving voice messages, all with no response. (7/25/2013) The idea to contact the individual responsible for reentry was made; reentry being the transition into society after incarceration. The purpose does not fit the narrative but correlation can be made with respect to a reset of societal norms. (8/26/2013) concern arises when a prospective employer’s presumption causes a disregard of possible potential.  it would b four months until i… (10/17/2013)i dont know what is going on; the counselor i met with n june got the paperwork together there n the meeting having me conclude she had not reviewed my case at all. Three months later she would call me to inform me that the proper referral packet had been sent. it was mid-October when arrangements were made to again b shuffled to someone else. (6/25/2013 – 10/17/2013)it remains a month after that date, but the game of “phone-tag” is current.

    January 1, 2013 “the past year was a roller coaster of change.

it would have me go from failure to abject failure n a years time. i began the year modestly optimistic of the coming days. as January ended i would get a driver’s license.

as the year proceeded i would begin coursework at the university, then something happened; i was told i would b getting a Ferrari but instead given a new pair of shoes.

and by years end i was arrested four times and had completed six months of a probationary period.”

stated the essay at the beginning of this year, and i had completed six months of a twelve month probationary period, but before the year was over i would b arrested for a third time ensuring a forth arrest for violation of probation. During the last six months of ’12 not all probationary requirements were followed, but by the forth arrest and certainly by the start of this year, inspired by the needed assimilation to jail life, all probationary requirements would b attended to on schedule.

was the first thought crossing the mind as i became cognizant. this remains thirty-six hours after the experience occurred, and reflection has concluded with many fortunate outcomes.

fortunate in the behavior of both individuals involved n all situations; it was started by a simple memory and concluded with a realization of the human experience.

they say “trigger”, i say a particular series of thought leading to an experience; an experience that would start with the the idea implanted at the start. whatever the idea a consistent level of activity was started as a way of distraction, but a walk to gym, a workout, a walk home, and a shower was not able to dilute the desire.

a thought so embarrassing a reluctance of guilt is easily accepted, but reflection a curiosity. a list of priority was establish when a progression was made clear; everything is a process of logic being evolutionary. the start the process was slow because of the redundancy.

financial impact is always a concern, with this situation being no different; realization of impact would conclude forty hours later with a sense of relief. physical injuries were minor compared with the trauma experiences, but as for daily activities, debilitating; because i was willing to trust others, but unwilling to become stationary, avoidance of larceny became the fortunate outcome…

another fortunate outcome would occur as a secondary result of being an atheist who allows for a faith driven hiatus. after leaving the gentleman’s club the directions were not clear, but a goal of “desirables” would set mentality on a course to expend all potential energy into achievement; thus, processing all thoughts and actions of a devilish nature into fruition.”

i elected to pursue employment, even with the environment for disabled-dropout-convicts not so strong, through a state agency. i arrived at the department early for my appointment to meet with my counselor to discuss employment opportunities. (6/25/2013)

It was the two week anniversary of our meeting with no contact from the organization the counselor had referred the case to. The prospect for employment had suffered as the years went by. it has been more than a decade now and with each day comes a renewed anticipation for employment. (7/9/2013)

A month has gone with no contact except me sending emails, and leaving voice messages, all with no response. (7/25/2013)

The idea to contact the individual responsible for reentry was made; reentry being the transition into society after incarceration. The purpose does not fit the narrative but correlation can be made with respect to a reset of societal norms. (8/26/2013)

concern arises when a prospective employer’s presumption causes a disregard of possible potential.

it would b four months until i met a representative… (10/17/2013)

i dont know what is going on; the counselor i met n June got the paperwork together there n the meeting having me conclude she had not reviewed my case at all. Three months later she would call me to inform me that the proper referral packet had been sent. it was mid-October when arrangements were made to again b shuffled to someone else. (6/25/2013 – 10/17/2013)”

Arranging to concern myself with the history of ones own life had the expungement workshop attendance necessary. Towards the end of stated workshop i found out that the record i had established with scattered arrest over two decades will make expungement impossible. FML


…the first mile is hardest
Name: …
Activity type: walking
Description: –
Total distance: 18.44 km (11.5 mi)
Total time: 3:25:13
Moving time: 3:21:32
Average speed: 5.39 km/h (3.3 mi/h)
Average moving speed: 5.49 km/h (3.4 mi/h)
Max speed: 16.86 km/h (10.5 mi/h)
Average pace: 11:08 min/km (17:55 min/mi)
Average moving pace: 10:56 min/km (17:36 min/mi)
Fastest pace: 3:34 min/km (5:44 min/mi)
Max elevation: 124 m (408 ft)
Min elevation: 42 m (138 ft)
Elevation gain: 363 m (1192 ft)
Max grade: 31 %
Min grade: -37 %
Recorded: 11/14/2013 09:42


…quarter final

i met with my probation officer for the last time if u do not count the monthly meetings that will b required for the next three; but then it will b over. only took eighteen months to successfully complete a twelve month probationary period! hard-headed? maybe, to my credit i was hit by a car while wrestling n the road. after being hit it would b a while of not walking which was fine because rehabilitation was slow, and so was the inspiration to work.it remains fourteen years post-accident and the employment desire has required a tremendous amount of trail and error. only because of not settling for first loser was i able to persevere and complete a certificate program, an associate program, and a couple stints n jail.i had been released from county jail three months before being injured; but there was a time after being hit that i concluded that lifestyle was not me. au contraire!cacramer


It would start as a means to commute, but soon became therapeutic. On the walks, because of distance, I was able to process many ongoing situational concerns.
Next becoming an advertisement for a healthy lifestyle. I have been at it for over a decade, and would use walking as a means to get to and from school, to get home from a job, to get to the gym, and to reminisce of prior trials and tribulations. I was able to measure the period in which a distance of one-thousand miles was traversed; but also allow for the notion that with each step a second of life was added.
A pedometer was added so a measurement could happen. I have been keeping record since the end of March; so, April-October I walked 2163614 steps which equates to a month added to the end of my life.
Extrapolated over the period a conclusion is reached of a year added to the end of life, or until I get hit by a car!

Reflection indicates that the desire to walk as a means of travel was a continuation. I would walk home many times before being injured; it remains a daily occurrence. April first I would employ a pedometer to track daily activities. Today I have recorded over two-million steps.

If not then a period of the life has been wasted; so with that understanding I shall look to my past to find the nugget that will provide for a future of bliss!

It will require a change in the current legislation for success.

N the entrepreneurial spirit of some teenagers it began with a desire to fulfill a need; well, a want for others. N my case it was a need to b social, popular, and necessary; but a want for others.

At the start the person I was n contact with had his house raided, and so I thought the authorities were close. The first close encounter caused anxiety. If only that was the last I would b grateful, but if arrest would have occurred then I would not live a life only envied by the homeless.

I had chosen to leave H.S early to bumble-fuck around at the community college level. Unnerved and with that being the thing I did right, a natural, I would work construction, tree removal, and deli cook. It was the latter that would have a relationship evolve to a profitable arrangement. One would arrive at my place of employment because i owed.

I had begun operation far away only to have it conclude mid-operation because of an unforeseen reaction. Being mother earth has responsibilities, and I knew the urgency. To c the ladies blossom I would rent space.


Perspective?

Belief n coincidence is not thought due to unlikelyness. I authored an essay with a statement concerning the purchase of a new car. But because of circumstance I was provided a new pair of shoes.
Recently it was not long after I was provided a new pair of shoes that an environment was created to allow a vehicle for others.
Because of a reluctance to disappoint I have chosen not to accept the loan agreement offered by the bank. It is because of that that since April first I choose to walk over two-million steps recorded by a pedometer. I will walk so as not to interrupt others.


just anger…

for the most part the anger reached a peak this morning after the realization that the new car n the driveway was not to take the place of my shoes. the fact that i stated the number of steps, since April first, amounted to a number over two million was not bragging, it was more about the extent i go to not require the help of others.

Thanksgiving of sorts…as i become aware n the mornings, it is then that i start to receive the blessings of others. i am aware of this and n this reflection i am thankful for many things.

…thankYou,

cacramer

i am thankful for the morning routine, thankful for everything i have (and yet so disturbed when i do not). from the moment i awake i am thankful for my surroundings and environment. stated otherwise i remain indebted to my family for support.

Those ties which bind individuals together, or not?

The alias, one way, was an indication of behavior, but also a life saving characteristic of personality. It would be a simple correlation because of familiarity with the city and my name. It remains a one-way street, and because the street honors the name, it would seem natural.

I had been enjoying the easy life for a minute, and within that time I had arrived at growing marijuana for some shady characters. I was working as assistant to the gardener when I would be given some plants by a colleague, but because the gardener arranged for transportation he thought that that had a cost. I did not c the exchange being equal. In the end, I knew that it would present itself. So, I would exhibit behavior necessary for one who knew how to deal the product, and how to produce it. The shady characters took notice to my performance, and also received payment for the rental space I had used to organize my own operation. After being successful for some time, Shady01 would call me from the road driving a moving truck. Electing to inspire the gardener to move out so that I could become the gardener; that is until the pressure of not performing and incessant hounding by a probation officer would prompt an exit.

I just was unaware of how certain the exit would be. I would be hospitalized after being struck by a car. I would be discharged three months later with a sense that karma had a role; which gave a fresh approach to daily activities. Would behavior change?

The animosity established itself once he figured I had a better chance with his girl than he did, and so a gathering of the four of us, three guys and her, was awkward. Given the chance I elected to remain at her house while the other two guys would venture off. It worked out that her and i would talk about things, about her daughter, and about the odds they would produce cocaine on return. But because of just not knowing, and not getting laid often, Jealous01 would decide to take what was mine upon return. Again I told myself, it will present itself. After a period of time relationships between all of us would wane. But I would remain in contact with her for a short period after the incident. We do not speak now!

When I was incarcerated for a period of time I thought that because of the short time-frame no correspondence was a certainty. In reality it would be a downward progression in popularity that would result in the lack of prison mail. After being injured, and with the ability to walk restored, i would reminisce while visiting with friends that i could burn a bridge before i needed it. I had dissolved all relationships with the mentality of a self-centered narcissist; yeah, but what have u done for me lately?

by cacramer

…for the love of money

As on Friday I received mail telling of a debit concerning services rendered. The mail came from a collection agency bypassing the whole invoice idea. I was anxious all weekend defusing stress by allowing for all perspectives, and mounting a defence for everyone.

I was on the phone by 0900 because persistence is easy. I am not rude, but politeness requires patience. And by 1000 I was repeating the dates of yet paid for services to the person who is responsible for financial concerns; at that point I was agreeable with the progress. Then things changed; at times I am so anal it becomes predictable. At last she became sensible and would be willing to investigate.

I rehashed the entire time I had been a client, August twenty-second two thousand-twelve. Then to now, there are four dates in question, March twenty-seventh and three dates in April of this year. All the other days had financial concern absorbed by someone other than me; so my question is why bring me in on this. Nothing has disrupted my attendance and the service has remained almost as consistent.

…I think i will start with one lie a day. I would not have started even with one if i knew of the trouble that lay ahead. If a person was to lie multiple times early in the cadence of lying, then a correlation can be drawn between number of friends and number of lies told. i thought that one lie could be easy, i mean nothing to it, right?
Life is almost complete anarchy riddled with drugs, loose women, and a wall of denial…

Denial is something i have, but not something i ever had. An exception to all statements is a fact:
…nothing sneaks up on a man like age

This statement has been on repeat for some time now. Reason being that I am slowly realizing this, but also understanding why it remains unacceptable.
Once accepted it will have a debilitating affect on psyche.
Or one can wake-up understanding the role they adopt to participate n daily activities.

  1. need a job


    From left: dress shoes, tennis shoes, work boots, hiking slippers, slip-on, hiking shoe, open-toe sandals.

    At press i will have recorded over 2.6 million steps since April with a pedometer associated with the cellphone. I have had all pairs save one before the recording became possible leading to a well-worn comfortable feeling while recording.

    The dress shoes included a learning experience with the purchased. I only recently purchased clothes to match the purity of all white shoes, or that subconsciously personality and and worn appearance arrived at equilibrium. Either way the price tag is a distance memory.

    The tennis shoes are aligned with the other side of the price tag spectrum being only twenty dollars, and if there was a mileage indicator it would read less than fifty. Consumer Beware!

    The incorrect size steel-toe boot; that is all.

    Old-faithful is the name given of the most reliable, but also the best performer. The cleats, the thickness of leather skin encasing the foot, and the wear before worn-in are all winning characteristics.

    I would get the most satisfaction from wearing these slip-on suede shoes, and with a hole worn into each heal.

    Allow you to walk perpendicular to a wall; but i digress. The soles were easily warn, and i walk to much to get equitable service.

    mad, definitely mad

    recently there are many examples of anger with the best of the worse as a duration in time, and not a specific act. one needs to ask the individuals i live with as to the level of frustration i will contend with. for the sake of everyone i do acknowledged that my perception of reality does not align with what is factual.


    …happy Christmas

    For school, it remains elusive but I have completed more than half the journey to graduation. At press, because I remain fluid in the many pursuits, I will give it one more try. I have begun to make arrangements to begin a program.


    Because of having two years time pass, I have had to reapply to the university. I will arrive at certifications until marketable, or until a bachelor’s degree sometime early 2016.

    The employment picture is opaque at best; with the prospect of becoming a stock person at a local grocery store a highlight.

    As for looking to my past to profit I have invested in companies that are dependent on the legal status of marijuana. I am engaged in understanding the manufacturing, processing, and distribution on all levels.


    As the holiday season is upon us I try and remember the many things that allow for a festive approach to life year round. I do believe that the lifestyle adopted before injury was misguided, but I will not consider it a waste. With the time-line agreeable with loved ones I will conduct a daily routine aligned with morning duties, afternoon duties, and evening duties.

    Dog poem…”…he is a fool which can not

make one Sonnet, and he is mad which makes two.”

I went there inspired to mature
Going from general to work release then to solitary
Each destination included the same let down, no girls!
To encourage a memory of where I had been a reminder is with me daily


…belt

Walking inspired the need for a well fitting belt, and soon the weight loss caused the need for additional holes.

Walking was a way to conduct daily activities, and would provide the time necessary for disciplined reflection.

At first it would be the gym being the final destination; which was a physical and mental effort. A broadening of horizons would encourage the decision to walk further to arrive at a bus stop.

After that walking became a behavioral aspect of the daily commute; wake, walk, breakfast, (back&amp;biceps,chest&amp;triceps legs&amp;shoulders), walk, was the entry in the daily journal. Next, it would be GPS tracking that would monitor my daily activities. I would aspire to be ranked fourth amongst members of the service; even calculating the time required for one thousand miles. To make the next measurement a pedometer would be required. The last nine months of 2013 saw an average of almost ten thousand steps a day.


…today i am relaxing!

arriving at the bagel shop later than usual to encounter a crowd that would require standing. the situation would encourage the retreat to outdoor seating; where being thirty degrees Fahrenheit allowed for a vacancy approachable.

sitting outside, given the temperature, was an appearance relateable to the crazy. which would cause conversation to be minimum.

was told that the following day would be less pleasant having the prospect of eleven degrees Fahrenheit. to which i responded…

…thankful

I was walking to the mall; stopped by cop; told the mall was closed for something tragic; I said, b on the news? All over it he said.
Was leaving my resume at some stores and a restaurant when I recognized the return of my transportation to Columbia mall. The person was aware of the active shooting and was concerned; inspiring a fast retreat.
…I got a Paying Customer.

As I became cognizant of my surroundings it was the familiar hospital room deja vu. I have experienced awkward situations repeatedly; so, waking up in the hospital after being delivered by ambulance was not new. The busyness of the environment added to the embarrassment of requiring hospitalization for drinking a copious amount of alcohol; an embarrassment exacerbated by an anxious version of every thought. I would attempt to cure the anxiety by allowing certain thoughts to reach resolution, and to complete that that would require an exit strategy. I was experiencing dehydration while also stumbling around trying to put together the outfit from the night previous; all while interacting with people that require thought. The routine of remembering the experience has become instinctual; so as to include specific detail, but also as a memory exercise. I had consumed enough alcohol hospitalization became the antidote.
The hospital staff was undeserving of the ungrateful self-centeredness in the behavior exhibited at the start of my day. With the distress of current scenarios being inspirational of such behavior, I apologize. I had woke up in the hospital times before only to re-live, remember, and remove myself as quick as possible. This time was different concerning belongings; even with all other times being fortunate nothing was certain. I did not have memory of where certain items were, I was waking up in a foreign place, and I could not understand the draw of certain behavior.
The conclusion to leave was made minutes after waking. I was stopped by security in the ambulance service bay informing me that the IV in my right arm was to be removed before discharge. The security guard presented an insurmountable obstacle because I would not be arrested for assault. As the possibility of criminal activity approached a mental checklist was reviewed. I would ask myself one question regarding identity, and relent to the officer. I let him decide I would agree to have the needle removed while waiting for transportation. Speaking clearly to a taxicab dispatcher was the progression needed to get closer to the belongings. I got a paying customer, were the choice words used to set me apart from others in the city. I would inspect the outside environment every ten minutes to alleviate impatience. By the forth venture outside the taxi was spotted, and conformation regarding perspective client was made.
Once in the cab I would travel to the last memory of separation concluding the claim ticket in my vest meant the property was still at the club. Upon exit of the cab the notion that I would spend time outside until business started for the day questioned the sanity; only to be confirmed by the day manager hours later. After walking the streets for a few hours, enjoying a cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich I still had three hours until I could inquire about my property. With more than half the time having been paced out; walking was a natural way of combating impatience. A trip around the block concluded where it had started, but this time a female was seen leaving the club. After inquiry I would supply the claim ticket, and with two hours remaining until official open, the jackpot was reached. The person would return after a quick separation with property in hand.
After receiving the property an inspection of all contents was made. Now with the trend being no different than the outcome a progression among priorities could be made, and I could go home!

…its a culture


…where maturity is driven by experience

Waking up n jail was something that had evaded the current lifestyle for a period of time measured in days, weeks, months, but not years; it was less than two years since last that I awoke in shackles. I was released from a probationary period at the start of February; one that included a six month stay at a facility located in the city. Not in violation of that could be the fortuitous event of 2014.

The commissioner would wish me good luck upon departure; to which I would respond by inquiry as to the selective use of the comment? Motivated by the desire to continue a streak of fortune I would be told every prisoner receives such treatment.

At the last restaurant a request was made for me to leave. It was argument over payment prior to police involvement that encouraged interaction.

After investigation, that lead to bill payment and the request for a dispatcher to alert a taxi in the area to provide transportation home, the patience became short lived; after waiting an unrealistic amount of time the chance to problem solve became apparent.

I cannot attest to the length of the walk, or how many times I fell but I got to the vehicle. I was not driving long before the decision to return to the solace of a parking lot was made.

…but before arriving at a location where parking is possible police would intervene, and make an arrest.


…bad things happen to others

If one does not sympathize, one will not feel the elation of schadenfreude.

Approval of suffering is not necessarily celebration.


…hit-up those easter sales?

Has one ever found themselves at the mall on Easter Sunday?

Arrival was fifteen minutes before open, and with a cafe adjacent the wait was made enjoyable. After disposal of a cup and a bagel the doors to the mall were still locked; WTF.

Mall closed for Easter, and the buses do not travel on Sundays.

Making the transition from coffee to beer at noon was easy. Jesus died for the sins of all and Sunday was celebrating his resurrection so the least one could do is tip 50% on beers and a burger then open another tab so the bar tender would lose track of the number.

…yeah, me either.


…flash is king

It is not rigged, nor is it chance; it remains a game of advantage.

M. Lewis, Flash Boys, is a compelling story of a trend regarding the desire for front-running; with speed being the new component.

At the start of investing the orders were filled within seconds, subscribing to making many trades per day; recently a placed order would consume nine minutes.

The idea behind incorporating a new layer of investors was not new, but how the orders were processed and filled became possible revenue for brokers.


…of a like mind

…it astounds us to come upon other egoist, as though we alone had the right to be selfish, and be filled with eagerness to live.

I cant get around this dilemma: i have a horror of troubles,but they whip me up, they make me talented. Peace and well-being, on the contrary, paralyze me. Either be a nobody, or everlasting plagued.

Men of nature, as they are called, do not spend much time talking about nature.

To have a horror of the bourgeois is bourgeois.

…there is no pleasure in talking to a woman you can not imagine as a mistress.

We are ignorant of the Beyond because of this ignorance is the condition sine qua non of our own life. Just as ice cannot know fire except by melting, by vanishing.

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…training himself, independent of schools

…how to reproduce in compressed prose and life completely pure and completely simple- his life and the life of others]]></content:encoded>

…once bitten, twice paranoid!

Being bitten by a mosquito inspired a thought of no concern until being told of an incurable disease transported by mosquitoes from the Caribbean.

One contends with paranoia in many ways, but those who experienced trauma in a life changing way have evolved to have a greater appreciation for life; and now, every decision has an effect on all others.

The correlation of those two statements encouraged planing events concerning daily activities for the week before being incarcerated for three years. The period of time may seem short to some, but with few accomplishments it remains another failed attempt.

At the start was Father’s day, and with the notion of a three year vacation from concern, he would have to wait five days before reception. The day continued with reading and writing; anything in the way of preoccupation.

The following day is spent reading a book of collected short stories; while also entertaining the idea of being prison-ready before I get there.

The morning of the third was spent completing chores. A way I choose to become more dependable, encouraging the loss felt. The rest of the day was spent organizing social media outlets. Anything to keep thoughts preoccupied, and not to dwell on the impending move.

Entering the next I would realize that there is nothing that can be done in the next forty-eight hours to circumvent the outcome. So, while discussing what has transpired since arrest, I conclude that what was needed has been done; and what remains is the desire to live an acceptable life.

On the eve i have done little in the way of movement.

i am preoccupied thinking about imprisonment in sixteen hours. fml


A Sterling mistake…

As a topic of reflection one becomes easily embarrassed, or not. The extent of embarrassment lingers with personal honesty. With all the ignorant moments that have transpired honesty will become important.

There have been many incidents occurring throughout the years. None as important as simply the lack of values in everyday activities. The opportunity to become a thief was early in life, and I took. The insight was a natural characteristic of personality. It would start in elementary school with card collections, and conclude two decades later facing federal firearms theft allegations.


Solitude

28 days…

To exchange 28 days in rehab for 28 days incarcerated. Which came as a math problem even the intellectually challenged could manage. The rehab program did not arrive with the intensity desired because of an easy adjustment to a routine based lifestyle. At start was an easy transition to daily activities involving education, counseling, and exercise. Once the daily routine became apparent, the weekly routine was noticeable, and the final fourteen days allowed for little down time.
An understanding of addiction was brought through a repetitive approach because of the intellectual challenge addicts present. I had abstained from alcohol for two months before enrollment so a challenge did not exist. Because of a ban on all outside reading material, I would choose to include a few books in my education, but the book would compare science/critics with non-believers/believers; which I did not agree with.
The first thee weeks included 2370 pushups and 2900 situps, and gym time of one hour per day. I was able to complete 100 pushups and 100 situps in ten minutes less; so, i would complete sets before first lecture, after lunch, and before gym time. I took the last week off!
When i arrived there the room was prepared for three, but for the first three nights i was the only person. It was two of us for a few nights, then three. Soon i would move to another building becoming another roommate. It was a few nights before the first of an one-way education. Because of the age difference he felt a duty of imposition. So it

was not a week when i woke him up at 0230 and politely relayed the message STFU. Before i woke to start the day he had moved to another room; bye-bye, or winning, I do not know which word to use. Later in the day I would have group counseling; which would be the first chance to inquire if the former roommate forgot something. Before being discharged i would be moved to a single room on the top floor.

…a good day

It was the second of a two day break from work, and i had arranged meetings with multiple people. I had considered the time it would take to commute between meetings; which would translate to a homecoming before arrival at the last meeting.

In the AM was an appointment with a back doctor, but I was evaluated by a nurse practitioner. The third prostitute just gets in the way!

After lunch I went to see…

…a work history

worked part-time jobs; full-time manual labor jobs; off-the-book jobs; lawn jobs for neighborhood residents

The current job allows for two weekends a week; very nice. At start I would be required to work multiple shifts in a weeks time. As noted in previous writing an open to close availability was indicated but not desired.

After discussion with the manager I now have three shifts over five days. This works…

I would be remiss if I said I arrived early to work because of impression; I do it to pad the schedule. After thirty times reporting to work I average twelve minutes early.


…ideas

Thoughts are hard to come by…&nbsp; I need to get in the habit of allowing for a clear thought evolution.

As for the criminal aspect of my situation I was able to avoid incarceration by agreeing to adhere to a program.

For the employment aspect of my situation I have sustained employment for two months. Having come from ten years of unemployment.

After realizing that thought process was different, and had become instinctual, Clarence was on his way to a psychologist to assist him in avoiding the temptation of alcohol.

There would be a monthly meeting where they could discuss situational concerns. It would be the sixth or seventh time meeting that the topic of medication was discussed.

Clarence went home to research the few they had discussed; Anabuse was the popular drug. While reading about cost saving the generic Anabuse, Naltrexone, was discussed. Naltrexone had a unique side effect in that it did not allow for sexual satiety.

After being on Neltrexone for a few months a desire to test limitations was an issue. Being a drop out-disabled-convict had its perks concerning free time.

Within eight hours Clarence would mastrbate twenty-six times.


…a christmas letter

As for a year, one may not have had a better start-to-finish as I did.

At the start I was proceeding to become accustomed to state controlled lodging; which on many accounts has been unsanitary. Events would culminate at the end of the first quarter when I obtained a moving violation coming home from the bar.

That incident has set into progression a series of events that will be life altering.

I spent some time incarcerated, some time inpatient, and some time outpatient; as a year goes this one has had its moments.

Yes, mr. cramer, how many alcohol infractions are on your license?”

About to be three. (3/21/2014)

I set out to complete a program concerning substance abuse in an outpatient capacity. After completion of an outpatient program, and a court hearing, I would check-in to a twenty-eight day inpatient program. (The court system saw the abuse as a characteristic and not happen chance)

Having been able to avoid jail was fortunate; navigation pertaining to legal concerns has been the task for a few experiences. After completing the inpatient program the focus with regards to drinking alcohol changed; it is not the amount I consume, it is the loss of discipline at start. Emotional influence in decision making is compromised by the consumption of alcohol; making the walk of shame last only as long as the trail of bad decisions.

…and please kids remember tip the bartender!

MerryChristmas,

cacramer

It was October 19 when I last made it to the gym, and before that it was August 29. Employment in September has really curtailed the gym experience. Suffering from chronic back pain has been debilitating concerning free time, and by allowing for over decade of unemployment has made me soft.

I awoke on 12/19 as I do every morning, in pain, but this time I choose to walk to breakfast. The physical activity would increase blood flow throughout the body, and thus stretching the muscles which would alleviate the pain. (being that the pain is caused by a swollen disk applying pressure to nerves) Both the trek there and home would record seventeen minute miles. After the walk home I would not do much before working that night for eight hours; and during that time I would experience cramping in both legs.

I attribute the level of physical activity achieved to the preparedness of any future activity. With that said, I will become, as I was before employment, a gym fanatic. Today, i decided to walk to the gym and track myself; two miles each way, I would record sub twenty minute miles.

Stepp..
May = 260068
June = 351174
July = 414705
August = 291389
September = 302409
October = 299275
November = 343994
December = 290055

244 days April-November
Average 10,277steps/daily
Which is just average and all this time I think I’m doing something, but reality has provided #’s.

2798158 nine month total
310906 monthly average

…just average is the message

January = 290733 2014
February = 211064
March = 200623
April = 313235
May = 258763
June = 97907
July = 104272

In a recent quest for endurance I chose to start walking to a gym a couple miles away; it had been since October that i went to a gym, and before that visit, I would be seen there at the end of August.

I would start walking, and have to turn around for a member identification card. After fifty-five minutes I was there with the memory of a workout routine I had established years ago.

I would only complete half of the warm-up routine, and then leave. Having started yesterday meant that in two days I had walked eight miles, equating to almost thirty thousand steps.

The endurance aspect of any physical activity is lost quickly; with it being likely that to retain a certain level one must remain active daily. It has been nearly two decades since manual labor was conducted regularly, which is contributing to weakness.

Yesterday I completed one third of a warm-up, today it was half, and by weeks end i will be doing a warm-up in addition to the start of completing circuit training exercises; from there i will complete the warm-up, circuit, and weight training every visit.

One day until zero hour; which will mark the start of a new year. What will need to transpire in the next twenty-four hours is the unprecedented, unadulterated desire for women, drugs, and music.

It has been only brief that I have become alert to the surroundings, and as for conscience thought, the movie The Hangover is on repeat.

What a time! I need to review the bank account, make arrangements for a medical checkup, and reflect on the events of a new year’s celebration lasting well into the following day; but with that said I will continue a slow pace ensuring memory is supported by facts.

On my way out I would consume ibogaine tea, which by all accounts was great, and from there I realize I am at a night club having my crotch massaged by a hooker.

“It is wet; why is that,” she would whisper in my ear?

“Well, I would spill my drink,” I told her.

“But it smells like urine.”

“It could be that too.”

After the hallucinogens started to wane it became an introspective journey into personality and conclusions. While intense introspective thought would be encouraged by the drug it could not fully interrupt the party; and at this point the party was in my head. I would leave the club to arrive at the Hilton, where after a shower and a phone call to Wendy, the call girl I met over the internet, I would relax. Once Wendy came through, which was uncertain, she would then direct the party.

Only I new of the desires to be obtained at the end of the year; well, me and now Wendy. She would discuss to prospect of inviting a friend for half of the hourly rate we had agreed to.

Now with six nostrils to fill I new the ounce of cocaine would be done with before the early hours of the following day. Wendy’s friend Nancey would arrive with another ounce, and begin to arrange lines on the table near the bed. Nancey was only worth half of the agreed upon hourly rate, but with the sugar to sweeten the deal I would have her stay.

Still contending the after affects of an ibogaine trip, I would not be able to preform while the two girls where stuck on the idea of a threesome. Nancey’s face was busted, and the visuals inspired by the hallucinogen where to much for me to take the idea of a threesome seriously.

Sitting at the restaurant it would be Wendy first to discuss the probability of eating the steak meal I ordered for her.

“There is absolutely no chance I will be able to eat.”

So, for the first time we all ordered the meals to go after staring at them for twenty minutes. It would be off to a dance club to arrange for a meeting with uncle Whitey; standing in line was fine with the ladies, but considering impatience is a characteristic I choose to go into the office.

“Yeah, is there a way to arrive at VIP status without calling ahead? And is there a restroom I can use back here.”

All three of us met back up on the dance floor, and decide to remove the crowd by going to the VIP room I had rented. While sitting at the table in the center of the room Nancey felt she had not done anything to earn the money she was entitled to after two hours; she would begin to massage my crotch, if only to make me have an erection. Her hands were cold when the pants came off, but her mouth was not.

Wendy was creating a collage of all our names spelled out in cocaine at a table illuminated by a neon sign that read, Happy New Year.

Smelling only the first letter of my name was an easy choice due to the desire to bring the new year in the arms of two women. VIP status was short lived when we all decided to go back to the hotel and get into the sauna. The sauna was community, but I paid the bell boy a couple hundred dollars to make it private for a few hours.

“I give you an opportunity to save money by letting me join you guys.”

“OK, but who will watch the door?”

“I have a key, and an out-of-order sign.”

“Done.”

Nancey was a lights off type of girl so it was an easy decision. I do not know how long the two of them remained in the sauna, but the sun was coming up as Wendy and I went back to the room to discuss filming short clips; only to download to the internet at a later date.

“Winning.”

The idea of arriving at a fresh start has an invigorating aspect that will somehow encourage follow through; but the decision to become health conscious concerning eating, exercising, sleeping, and taking advantage of technology takes planning. The decision to do so requires lifestyle changes that are more intense than owning a membership.
…the pain threshold?

Believe it or not I was drunk, but not drunk as in laughing uncontrollably but stumble drunk leaving a football game; when I would fall and require hospital services.

Once there an intern would place stitches, sewing the laceration, above the eye. The intern would not numb the area before progressing; I guess the stench of alcohol radiating from all pores indicated there was no need.

The reactive behavior concerning involuntary muscles can be swift and unforgiving.

To approach the cyst on the lid of the eye I would have it surgically removed. At the eye clinic I would be seen by an intern whom would comment on the lack of reaction as the needle pierced the skin. To allow for insight I would announce I had experienced traumatic brain injury as an individual being hit by a car; and that rehabilitation provided a significant determination.

Knowing the pain level, and the narcissistic bias I believe, because alcohol allows for little restraint, and that there was a request to omit the injections under the eye, that I had become an imposition!]


Confused…

Religion as I understand it, is in place to secure the upbringing of children, and to provide solace to those feeling inferior, less fortunate, less masculine, less beautiful, or about to die.

Or it can be used to persuade one to commit evil. Just as the philosophy is used to bring about a moral citizen, the philosophy is used to bring about a morally corrupt citizen. The difference being the reaction to others whom do not adhere to customs familiar.

I find it ironic how religion is not peaceful unless it is, how it becomes necessary to consult the ignorant in order to prolong an existence, and how belief in a narrative can be the inspiration for moral behavior.
…washing dishes at forty.

At work and in conversation with two colleagues the question was posed.

“Hey, are you familiar with any of the wait staff who enjoys cocaine? Do you do cocaine?”

“No never did, and not sure about the staff.”

I would take this as an opportunity to inform the gentleman that he surly did not know what he was missing, but that the advise was being given by a forty year old dish washer; and to be careful.

There are many choices made to arrive at making a career move to the sink at forty, and I took advantage of every one. It would be  choices that were made before I had the ability to drive.

At first the behavior was for strictly financial gain, but turned to a desire to socialize. I did not know the lifestyle would support more than me. Selfish/Narcissistic maybe.

An understanding of the lifestyle was a version of thinking that would become a way of life throughout a failed education and career.

The career move to the sink is what most disabled-dropout-convicts are doing these days. I focus on the scene in the movie where the dishwasher is pulled from work by Pacino to go on a crime spree, and that gets me through until the end, but I never lose hope.]


…we do not want ur kind

While laying in the street I was to receive ambulatory services within an hour of being hit by a car. It was an invitation from god that would cause a five week coma.

The invitation was short in its wording, We Want You.

Omniscient, except this; the fact that certain characteristics are more prominent; impatience is a driver of personality with everyone.

God sent memo to saten to inquire about the possibility the soul could be accepted there?

The response was simple and easy for God to understand.

I was given another chance.


…a picture

Sitting there I was reading the book entitled Generation Me; and with each passing sentence I would consciously conclude that transportation home was due me.

I had awaken the person and in some way elected them responsible for transportation home. I then left.

Sitting across the door of entry I would elect to sit at the end of a couch and eat. As the customers entered it would create a slight draft; the sensory input would peak as, it being Dunkin’ Donuts, everyone would come.

I would scan for the vent, and find it above a table with four chairs; I did not want to be an imposition but I would, I sat down.

I was ignorant, arrogant, and unaware of people standing around me.

i was remaining alert to any notification that transportation was en route.

As I got up to leave an older man would thank me for getting up so that he and his family could sit. I thought that remains a generational impasse, he views personal space differently. A persons personal space does not inflate to include the chairs in-front empty or otherwise.

…those were the days.

…sitting in front of the commissioner brought about many memories, too many, but aside from that i was only detained for a D&amp;D.

“mr. cramer, the charges against you amount to six years, what happened?”

six years for drunk and disorderly.

“the charges are drunk and disorderly, failure to obey, resisting arrest, and concealed weapon.”

the weapon was a knife, and all are legal with blades less than four inches.“

stand next to the door, she will be here to remove you.”

well, how much is my bail?”

nothing, I am releasing you on you own recognizance, but you will have court for these charges on October first”

After getting that news I was good for a few hours. I would be escorted to a cell with a few other inmates awaiting to regain property and freedom. The cell had a temperature of something below sixty, but because I was arrested with sandals, no socks, I was conditioned; that and it remained the last step concerning release.

1530 would be the time when I would shown to my property; where I would discover the crystal of my watch with 13,000 cracks, and figure that I had developed a enemy in the arresting officer. I would get a taxi from there.

The main difference between being arrested in the city as opposed to “the county” was about ten hours; and that I would have five cellmates. Drugs are a lot of places but I thought county jail was the exception. I was witness to one cellmate curing the “ills” by taking a few “bumps of dope” as we waited to get further along in the process to see the commissioner.

At the end of my Saturday night, 2100, I would be surrounded by men in yellow jerseys, and one would take me from behind. Doing a face plant into the pavement alerted me to the seriousness of the situation. After being handcuffed and pulled upright I would sit in a chair until the transport to jail was made available.

Arriving drunk would allow for a level of concern needed for sleep.

shut the fuck up; you see that concrete wall behind you? Yeah, well I will put your head through that motherfucker if you do not shut the fuck up,” is all that was needed for the cell to remain quiet.

Making one step further in the process I would be moved to a cell populated by many waiting to be finger printed, and photographed. I would manage to come in right after marijuana had been smoked and the smell still lingered, but movement meant that I was almost out, 0100. After being photographed I would be directed to a row of telephones; where I would be allowed my one phone call. I would elect to call my house’s land line, but only let it ring a few times; giving caller id the needed time to discover location, but not wake anyone.

After the six of us were finger printed, photographed, and made use of the phones, we all would be placed in a cell with limited space. With only the one bathroom allowed for an education in jailhouse etiquette. three of the other guys were making sleep impossible with their incessant snoring. I would use my shoes as a pillow, but because of remaining an active person in daily life the uncomfortableness of the situation would not allow it. at 0800 breakfast would come, and I would learn that the commissioner would begin seeing inmates at 0930. as everyone save one awoke for breakfast we all would converse about reasoning as to the visit, and likelihood of being released without a bail. With all but me returning to a state of sleep, I would ponder many thoughts that led to the arrest, and I would conclude that there was a constant in all of them. I would inquire as to what the time was by a passing guard,1100, and still no progress. It would be after the Raven’s football game started that I would be moved to a cell awaiting the commissioner. As inmates would come and go I thought I was getting close…
…October First.

I was in court, if only to be arrested, there with a lawyer nonetheless. his discussion with the district attorney was about a warrant, issued Friday before court. this was brought to my attention with the impact of 100,000 pounds. i would talk to my probation officer the day after release from city jail (“…a recent visit”), and there was no discussion about violation; the warrant was inconvenient. I was told there were two options A) you get taken into custody and go to city jail to b extradited to Howard County, or B) we leave right now and remain free until the next time there is police inquiry; which depending on prior behavior meant next week. Arrested in Howard County and then extradited to Baltimore was not what was done. the warrant would b served before the proceedings began, or long enough to ask if I was who i said i was?

Back in city jail meant i was familiar with the process. As someone with the appearance of turning one-self in, the sheriff would arrest me, but have a bail-bondsman transport me across the street; thus paying the bounty.

The holding process was noticeably quicker in the morning, time of day equated to efficiency. The more responsible individuals worked earlier in the day. With me hitting the process at 1000 was a benefit, or so i thought. It was not until 2100 that, being interviewed for a bail review, the woman would inquire as to the phone number of my residence. The conversation ended with pleasantries and acknowledgment of the bail and the agreement to be forthcoming.

Being transferred to commissioner holding I would not sleep. But because of a preset bail the visit was was not going to occur. I was again placed in a bullpen with eight other guys, there was no sleep. I would remain there watching other inmates sign a bail receipt , informing them that the bail was posted.

Coming from commissioner holding meant I was in a transition period between holding and general population; when I would use my phone call at 0130 to reach a cell phone to find out someone was at the jail; so i thought it would not b long. an inmate would arrive needing a shower desperately. He had managed to get tassered, thus defecating on himself; shit was funny!

It was to a large bullpen I went where i found out that it would take seven hours after signing the bail receipt that release was even probable. Adorning the Department of Pretrial Detention Services yellow coveralls indicated a trip to “steel-side” (general population). I was n my cell by 0410, but only to stay there for less than an hour. After forty minutes I would be corralled into a large area of the jail to receive transportation to a court hearing (a bail review); I was removed from line to sign my bail receipt, 0500.

At 1500 I was escorted from the bullpen to “steel-side”; while attempting to check-in I would b quickly ushered to release with a sense of priority. I was only in a release cell for what is thought of as ten minutes, but by 1600 i was “hitting the streets”.

…manage without managing.

The idea may not be as simple as walking the other way. It could be the best advice I will receive in the first forty years of life. To often it is the case the caring is so great that discussion an imposition.

It is difficult without the belief

The resulting idea to exhibit behavior that perceived extraordinary is thought to be the antidote.

All relationships matter.

To build upon falsehood is to allow for growth.

…must remember to get only one cup of coffee at friends shop.

nOTES from rehab…

Facilities that provide services for the rehabilitation from drug addiction are dependent on the program instituted for the purpose of abstinence.

– I am thinking of a higher power that is recognizable for my program.

– …I would hate to leave not knowing you (me daydreaming of the female Kurt Cobain)

– I am not willing to chase what may… (After reviewing the rules regarding hook-ups)

– At start I was not a believer in the disease perspective; even remarking that the the reason for failure was a discussion regarding choice. I would like to say all actions are based on choice; not to relapse is a choice made. Being nine days after the admittance I stand on my belief of having a choice.

-Argument for exercise: Individuals showcase spirituality in different ways. Each will exhibit behavior of concentration, focus, and discipline; reducing a sense of the outside world. I find my spirituality in exercise. It remains a constructive manner of time duration. I will think of solutions to situational concerns; all while inspiring cardiac and respiratory health.

-Action Plan: maintain exercise routine

I am glad to be discussing the issue of testing positive for tetrahydrocannabinol; I believe at issue is whether I have knowingly ingested THC. The simple answer is no, absolutely not.

When I was stuck with the inability to arrive at choice words due to a traumatic brain injury suffered years earlier, I began researching scenarios that included the same variables, and then for a conclusion. After researching for some time I would know the affliction as aphasia; an acquired language disorder caused by damage to the brain.

While conducting research I would make a connection between alexithymia and behavior. Alexithymia is a disorder that happens to the majority of brain injured patients. Alexithymia is the dysfunction in emotional awareness, in social attachment, and in interpersonal skills. At issue is the emotional information from the right hemisphere is not being properly transferred to the language regions in the left hemisphere. Individuals suffering from alexithymia may have difficulty in distinguishing, and appreciating, the emotions of others; which is thought to lead to an unsympathetic and ineffective emotional response when confronted with stressful events.

The amount of stress associated with a situation is correlated with involvement and post-traumatic confusion. The level of confusion or anxiety is proportional to perceived responsibility; with the loudest criticism coming from self. I seldom become responsible for anything other than my behavior.

All that said, to contend with the alexithymia, anxiety, and a speech disorder I chose the psychologist first; whom prescribed a host of medications to combat anxiety, hyper-activity disorder, paranoia, and insomnia. With the side effects more debilitating than the affliction I would further conduct research into a cure. The research would conclude with cannabidiol (CBD) ingestion; which would help by mitigating the alexithymia and confusion. In addition, CBD has anti-inflammatory characteristics; which help alleviate back stress. While other cannabinoids show therapeutic promise in a wide range of diseases and conditions, ranging from mood and anxiety disorders, movement disorders, neuropathic pain, multiple sclerosis and spinal cord injury, cancer, atherosclerosis, myocardial infarction, stroke, hypertension, glaucoma, obesity/metabolic syndrome, and osteoporosis

With regard to drugs there has been a change in the prescription pain medication I am now prescribed oxycodone; and throughout the drug screening process there was no mention of the change. Which shows little regard for life, and keeps the focus on what is known to be medicinal.

Of the 22,767 deaths relating to pharmaceutical overdose in 2013, 16,235 (71.3%) involved opioid analgesics…also called opioid pain relievers or prescription painkillers.“ http://www.cdc.gov/homeandrecreationalsafety/overdose/facts.html

I chose to consume coffee with a CBD additive to arrive at a cure, knowing of the possible positive drug test result for tetrahydrocannabinol. I choose not to become dependent on pain medicine to allow for daily movement. Chemical dependency is a real thing to me.

Every day there are one hundred and twenty people who die from an overdose of drugs; 2013 would record 81% of the overdose deaths as unintentional. Also in 2013 of the overdose deaths, fifty-one percent were related to pharmaceuticals; as a portion of those deaths, seventy-one percent is represented by painkillers.

Because of the anti inflammatory and pain relief properties of cannabinoids I consulted my doctor about a prescription for marijuana. I would like the law to acknowledge the medicinal value with a four thousand year history.

I visit with a doctor on 3/13/2015 at the National Spine &amp; Pain Centers, for continued treatment related to a swollen disc in the lower spine; at which time I will request recommendation stating that cannabinoids provide relief. Towards the end of the month of March I will attend a conference regarding medical marijuana and its application.

An exhaustive search of the literature finds no deaths induced by marijuana.” http://www.drugwarfacts.org/cms/Overdose#sthash.cRl1z9fw.dpuf

With legislation being passed in Maryland formulating medicinal marijuana programs as of June first of last year by the Natalie M. LaPrade Medical Marijuana Commission the approach to a cure was encouraged. Evidence is easy to find supporting my position, and I think that the routine presented for daily, weekly, and monthly activities is not common among the unlawful. If I was breaking the law I would be arrested. (A crime with no victim, is not a crime – Plato)

We are sending our Governor General to Saudi Arabia to attend the funeral of King Abdullah.

This is a nation where women have few rights, and where anyone who criticises the regime or religious authorities can expect to be tortured or killed.

Saudi Arabia beheaded almost two people a week in 2014, for offences that included such disgusting things as sorcery, witchcraft and tweeting about Islam.  Any woman who gets behind the wheel of a car in this conservative kingdom can expect to be jailed, or worse. And any man foolish enough to offer even moderate criticism of the regime or its religious authorities (I say man, because no woman would even dare to open her mouth in that country) is likely to find himself being flogged. Blogger Raif Badawi was recently sentenced to a thousand lashes and ten years imprisonment after he criticized clerics on his site.

Saudi Arabia is a valuable ally in the war against the Islamic religious extremists who have for so long been both inspired and funded by Saudi Arabia. We need Saudi help in this fight, because without Saudi Arabia there would have been no fight in the first place.

Our Saudi allies can also be a shining example to others in the region. Look at what they have achieved and how much they have built, out of almost nothing. Let us hope that our enemies in ISIS take a good hard look at how Saudi Arabia has managed to prosper, despite the nastiness and brutality of its rulers. There is plenty of room in the Middle East for another savagely repressive regime fuelled by religious intolerance and an utter contempt for basic human rights.

You can murder, butcher and torture all you like in the Middle East so long as you don’t kill Westerners. The Saudis learned this long ago. Let us hope that ISIS heeds this message and concentrates its efforts on killing only Muslims, so that we can be friends with them and buy their oil.


…having no professional skills.

Having none is the easy part, it is getting corporate room ready within a year that could prove to be out of reach.

I do not know where to start, but I do have a job, and…


I request to wear gloves at work throughout the whole process of washing dishes and transporting them to the line. Gloves are in use for both activities. Because of the erosive behavior of the soap, trial and error has been the strategy used in the different gloves purchased. But through research I conclude that gloves manufactured by the company Maggiono’s deals with would only be without creases in the material eight shifts. When the glove was unable to support the conditions there was a shift in cost. Having to learn a different grip for the glove chosen resulted in broken plates.

Metal or ceramic having been sprayed with water heated to 240 degrees is hot. For the dish to then be removed from a tray while exiting the dish washer and stacked on a drying rack takes at minimum thirty seconds.

While dishes are still on the drying rack they stay warm because ceramic has the property of remaining hot. The speed with which one is required to move allows little in the way of forethought; so, to limit the number of times feeling pain I choose to wear gloves.

The organization does provide a glove that is completely useless. It can not be said that the glove’s intended use was temperature control.

Yeah, and make a big scene when you guys get here.

Where the words heard by those close enough to hear, which would include only four other dish washers.

What Charles had done was put a stop to business as they knew it, for a Friday night. What was at issue whether gloves can be worn while taking on the responsibilities of a dish washer.

What Charles does is quite brave, and talk about taking one for the team; while wearing the gloves provided by the company he would grip a metal dish allowing second degree burns to develop, whilst asking a teammate to kick him in the “balls” to take away the pain.


The last one…

..they say its gotta hit the hardest!

As of 0353 I was outside to assess where conditions put the likelihood of eating out for breakfast; eleven inches of snowfall was not the sole issue of contention. This snow storm included a warming trend that included a few hours of liquid precipitation before conclusion.

Two steps off the front porch I would begin to create a path to a car two hundred yards away in a “s” pattern. Once at the car shoveling took on a greater focus, if I was not careful I would shovel the snow twice.

Stepping off the front porch after I put the harness around the dog I would look to my watch for the time, 0453. In one hour I would take enough steps to walk a mile and a half. Walking the path just created made me fill with pride and accomplishment, and then to walk the dog out to the road to stretch the legs was great.

I will go down and warm the car up by starting it.

Well, at least the car was empty when it was stolen.


Because…

…two years incarceration is undetermined.

I am glad to be discussing the issue of testing positive for tetrahydrocannabinol; I believe at issue is whether I have knowingly ingested THC. The simple answer is no, absolutely not.

When I was stuck with the inability to arrive at choice words due to a traumatic brain injury suffered years earlier, I began researching scenarios that included the same variables, and then for a conclusion. After researching for some time I would know the affliction as aphasia; an acquired language disorder caused by damage to the brain.

While conducting research I would make a connection between alexithymia and behavior. Alexithymia is a disorder that happens to the majority of brain injured patients. Alexithymia is the dysfunction in emotional awareness, in social attachment, and in interpersonal skills. At issue is the emotional information from the right hemisphere is not being properly transferred to the language regions in the left hemisphere. Individuals suffering from alexithymia may have difficulty in distinguishing, and appreciating, the emotions of others; which is thought to lead to an unsympathetic and ineffective emotional response when confronted with stressful events.

The amount of stress associated with a situation is correlated with involvement and post-traumatic confusion. The level of confusion or anxiety is proportional to perceived responsibility; with the loudest criticism coming from self. I seldom become responsible for anything other than my behavior.

All that said, to contend with the alexithymia, anxiety, and a speech disorder I chose the psychologist first; whom prescribed a host of medications to combat anxiety, hyper-activity disorder, paranoia, and insomnia. With the side effects more debilitating than the affliction I would further conduct research into a cure. The research would conclude with cannabidiol (CBD) ingestion; which would help by mitigating the alexithymia and confusion. In addition, CBD has anti-inflammatory characteristics; which help alleviate back stress. While other cannabinoids show therapeutic promise in a wide range of diseases and conditions, ranging from mood and anxiety disorders, movement disorders, neuropathic pain, multiple sclerosis and spinal cord injury, cancer, atherosclerosis, myocardial infarction, stroke, hypertension, glaucoma, obesity/metabolic syndrome, and osteoporosis.

With regard to drugs there has been a change in the prescription pain medication, I am now prescribed oxycodone; and throughout the drug screening process there was no mention of the change. Which shows little regard for life, and keeps the focus on what is known to be medicinal.

Of the 22,767 deaths relating to pharmaceutical overdose in 2013, 16,235 (71.3%) involved opioid analgesics…also called opioid pain relievers or prescription painkillers.“ http://www.cdc.gov/homeandrecreationalsafety/overdose/facts.html

I chose to consume coffee with a CBD additive to arrive at a cure, knowing of the possible positive drug test result for tetrahydrocannabinol. I choose not to become dependent on pain medicine to allow for daily movement. Chemical dependency is a real thing to me.

Every day there are one hundred and twenty people who die from an overdose of drugs; 2013 would record 81% of the overdose deaths as unintentional. Also in 2013 of the overdose deaths, fifty-one percent were related to pharmaceuticals; as a portion of those deaths, seventy-one percent is represented by painkillers.

Because of the anti inflammatory and pain relief properties of cannabinoids I consulted my doctor about a prescription for marijuana. I would like the law to acknowledge the medicinal value with a four thousand year history.

I visit with a doctor on 3/5/2015 at the National Spine &amp; Pain Centers, for continued treatment related to a swollen disc in the lower spine; at which time I will request recommendation stating that cannabinoids provide relief. Towards the end of the month of March I will attend a conference regarding medical marijuana and its application.

An exhaustive search of the literature finds no deaths induced by marijuana.” http://www.drugwarfacts.org/cms/Overdose#sthash.cRl1z9fw.dpuf

With legislation being passed in Maryland formulating medicinal marijuana programs as of June first of last year by the Natalie M. LaPrade Medical Marijuana Commission the approach to a cure was encouraged. Evidence is easy to find supporting my position, and I think that the routine presented for daily, weekly, and monthly activities is not common among the unlawful. If I was breaking the law I would be arrested. (A crime with no victim, is not a crime – Plato)

Thank you.

My Dish Washing Experience

…tax the limit of physical ability, and not require commensurate mental toughness encourages idleness.

At start the idea of working days consecutively was central to work. That was unworkable.

Dish washing is not a hard concept to understand, but each kitchen is operated a certain way. With that said, and having each dishwasher learn how to make the kitchen function by trial and error, makes for misunderstanding and broken plates.

I am scheduled to work tonight, but yesterday I was instructed not to return until i can present a doctors testimony to an injury. I called to report the inability to work four times including last Friday 3/6, and yesterday because of back issues.

On September eighth of last year I was hired at Maggino’s of Columbia to perform the duties of dishwasher;

over the six months of employment I have reported to work over sixty times, and I have arrived early %100 of the time.

Aside from the falling boys do when young I chose to require medical attention sometimes; culminating in the events of October ninth nineteen-ninty-nine. As a pedestrian in the street I would be hit by a car.

The time is nearly two decades since and not a day is upon us that I do not wake in pain. Generally associated with the lower back; at or around L5-S1 is a bulge that when aggravated becomes inflamed and swollen to a point compression against a nerve occurs.

So, after being hit by the car, 10/99, I would concentrate on learning to walk, 3/00. I started walking to a gym two miles away, 9/01, and then to a bus stop three miles away, 1/04, to get to school. Then I would start to experience back pain at the start of 2014. I would realize pain is a daily occurrence placing a significance to an otherwise mundane routine. Every morning I wake to a sensation of sharp pain radiating from the lower back, and on special occasions the pain will wake me.

I remain active by doing manual labor, walking, weight training, but also, because I understand it becomes more difficult to adhere to a routine the further away from practice. Even in disregard of injury I would operate leading to back injury. I will not let a small consideration like pain deter me from a productive day.

The routine I conduct is simple, in that most days are very similar. Wake up is around 0500-0600, I then take the dogs outside, feed certain animals, wash dishes, clean litter box, really anything until transportation is provided to a familiar bagel shop.

The time after breakfast I spend reading or writing, and doing chores. The daily activities could include lifting, walking, reading, writing, and sitting. I have been an avid “gym rat” for the past decade, but now, by allowing for rehabilitation removes the gym from the agenda completely.

On days succeeding work I am struck with an inability to move, or specifically bend in any way; a finger motioning come here hurts. I will move in the morning because I have to, others depend on me, but otherwise I do not. With muscle damage requiring seventy-two hours to rehabilitate to a level of pain free performance, the time spent away from washing dishes is not routine because the severity of pain remains an unknown but a certainty.

I have been employed for six months, I have been written up for wearing gloves as a dish washer, and I have been undecided about the wage. I have given opportunity to make the work environment agreeable, but now I understand that there will be no change.

Maggino’s is on notice of the discontinuation of work as of 3/10/2015


…annual visit

This had been the latest of many annual visits, but it will be the first time writing of the experience. As the walk put me at the front of the hotel, I turned to watch my mother following shortly behind.

My mother and I had made this an experience we shared; a common bond. Or that both of us had suffered brain injury, and we were trying to learn as much as possible.

The Brain Injury Association of Maryland would host a two day event at a hotel each year where a large group of people who share a tragic experience, along with the trials that would persist, gather.

All survivors in attendance would have a similar experience having suffered through the affliction. Making It Happen… Making It Count would begin at 0700, and I would be encouraged to visit with acquaintances I have developed post injury.

The group was greeted by a doctor who presented a slide show concerning the importance of resilience after traumatic brain injury, and the correlation with success and rehabilitation goals. Also, that the repetitive behavior associated with resiliency inspires routine; which then becomes important when developing the skills needed to become goal oriented.

The group was divided into smaller groups to attend sessions throughout the day. For the first session, which only survivors would attend, I would recognize a few individuals as well as the three people presenting. The session would concentrate on discussing the importance of relationships, and the similarities with rehabilitation, post injury rehabilitation programs, and the current status of activity. At the end I would talk to a few individuals that I have either seen at a support group, or while volunteering to bring attention to brain injury.

A survivors miracle, was the title of the next session introducing Teresa, whom was knocked off a bridge, fell thirty feet, and landed below in a parking lot but survived. She was part of an investigative team assisting a stranded driver along a highway leading into the city; at which time a tow truck would impact her police car, which would then push her over the jersey wall at the edge of the road. After the fall, dispatch was alerted to send emergency medical services. Which I currently believe is testament to what has been referred to as the golden hour; to administer medical services before certain events. That being similar to my case, in which I would receive medical assistance shortly after being injured.

Moving on, of the sessions to choose from, the selection was one allowing for the additional education of current services offered by the Maryland technology assistance program, or MDTAP; which had been of service before. That organization would offer loans to those that qualify for current technology that would assist in the adaptation to life with a disability. I have received Maryland technology assistance in the past, so there was little new knowledge in the last session of the first day.

To end the day, but also encouraged attendance the following day, a story of determination, perseverance, and sacrifice was told by Jennifer. Jennifer was to compete in the Olympics in equestrian events only to have outside circumstance test her will to live. At seventeen years of age she would be involved in an accident leaving her comatose. Over the next twenty years she would persevere and learn to eat, to walk, to manage situational concerns, to live independently, and to graduate from college. Jennifer’s story is one of embellishing personal responsibility.

As for the second day of the conference, it started with a statistical definition of the current neurological conditions, and the outcome of research being done with the latest treatment ideas. At the end of the slide show a statistical display of a trend in rehabilitation concerning the brain injured was offered. A trend whereby, as the period of time post injury grew so did the personal responsibility to achieve a similar rate of rehabilitation; as the patient became more responsible for maintaining a certain activity level the progress was stunted.

Sexuality and intimacy was the next session attended, and done so to learn of the current tactics used to get a date. What was once happen chance all the time proved more difficult to manage than a chess game. Now, I am familiar with the strategy one-and-done, but with the arrival of the next birthday is knowing it starts the year long expiration of four decades of life; with that said I conclude the next may be the last.

From there I attended a discussion with a panel of survivors, me withstanding; it was composed of two individuals that had suffered an aneurysm, and one who had fallen off a ladder. The two that would experience an aneurysm were both women. One of the women was high functioning in daily activities, and the other was continuing her education and becoming less dependent on her care giver. The person to fall off the ladder is a husband and father of two boys.

For the last session of the two day event I would learn about Baltimore adaptive sports and recreation. Furthering my knowledge of the paralympics with the pursuit of participation.

Introduced at the conclusion of the event would be a doctor and his wife to tell the extraordinary story concerning an injury; the doctor would become injured and then a patient with an affliction he was a provider for; then after a persistent rehabilitation he would accept the responsibilities he had as a doctor; adding a perspective few in medicine have.

As the the summary of the conference unfolded a common theme was among many of the success stories; perseverance. Which is a common characteristic of all successful people; whether it is competition, injury, a recent set-back, or failure that creates obstacle in the face of progress, it remains the choice to continue in the pursuit; accept nothing less.


…a perspective


<content:encoded><![CDATA[Religion as I understand it, is in place to secure the upbringing of children, and to provide solace to those feeling inferior, less fortunate, less masculine, less beautiful, or about to die.

Or it can be used to persuade one to commit evil. Just as the philosophy is used to bring about a moral citizen; the philosophy is used to bring about a morally corrupt citizen. The difference being the reaction to others whom do not adhere to customs familiar.

I find it ironic how religion is not peaceful unless it is, how it becomes necessary to consult the ignorant in order to prolong an existence, and how belief in a narrative can be the inspiration for moral behavior.

…was written in response to a cartoonist being killed in the name of religion. France 14′

It remains invisible to the crowd, and silent to all; depression. As a society our sentiment drastically turns evil upon realizing one will commit murder suicide.

…was written in response to a co-pilot intentionally crashing a plane. France 15′

I do not know which is worse because a lack of understanding on both accounts.

Firstly, doing something in the name of religion that has an ending where one will die, nope. The closest I come to religion is acting silly in the worship of queen va-jAjA. Next, common sense would take hold a quickly understand that death is not an option.

Suicide is personal, keep it that way.

To have a belief that inspires one to kill in the name of peace, or to be so delusional that murder becomes the act of survival morphing into aggression; as a society events like those discussed have become more frequent. The murderer is telling us, that if it were not for the behavior of others, with the sacrifice of existence. Their argument is as loud as the explosions of a suicide bomber, it falls on deft ears because lack of human rights.

Why do they hate us so? Religion? Women’s rights?

No, I believe it to be everything other than that, and that that remains the excuse for erratic behavior. The belief of an excuse driven economy runs counter to the idea of innovation, ingenuity, and allows for stagnant growth; which is the goal.

Why must everyone think that?

I am not delusional. I just crush a lot.

…are you, you, or you gonna help me out?

As a recent driving while intoxicated recipient, I had arrived at the club with a homie. Well, we were not that good of friends, and he left without me.

I find myself in the city walking around with a crowd of people gathering around me creating a discussion on the whereabouts of certain pharmaceuticals. As the crowd started to wane remaining were myself and three others; taking the place of those that fell off were three policemen; but with the motive being illegal there would be little need for cops.

They stayed with the group until I understood that the three young men were leading me to the scene of a robbery. At which point I would remind them that I lived forty minutes away with no way to get there, and then gave each of them an opportunity to help.

Well do not stop me and tell me I got a problem, and then do nothing in support of a resolution; was the parting statement I left them.

The duration of conversation with the policemen inspired those others to fall off and I was left alone; again walking the streets of the city going to the only resident I knew. I would barter with a gold bracelet to get a driver to take me to the house. Arrival was 0600, knock on the door was 0602, and being informed that the person I wanted to visit was incarcerated, 0623.

I would walk from there to the highway on the outskirts of the city, stopping once or twice to better understand where those pharmaceuticals were. After transaction the goal became transportation home; with the walk out of the city consuming a couple hours, I venture over to a payphone to call the car service. On my walk to the phone I would be approached by a guy wanting cash for a ride, done.

I was home again.


…planning

What time is the appointment; 4/8/2015@1300?

No it is at eleven; so what are going to do?

I will visit with you at eleven.

Being provided that information early this week would allow for the planning to arrive at an endurance level needed for success.

With the understanding that a disruption along a focused timeline will cause much dismay, I would resort to a final option, walk.

This walk did not come without preparation; as my driver was preoccupied for three days this week which meant I would have the opportunity to get myself around by whatever means. Which is a euphemistic phrase for walking.

I awoke Wednesday morning to the chores of every morning, but I also would walk a mile to the coffee shop for breakfast. Both the walk to and from the shop would be average; an average calculated talking into consideration a two month abstention from a routine of any kind; and that average is three miles per hour.

It was six in the morning, I did not need to be there for five hours. I was twenty minutes late. Not because of laziness, or animosity, but because of wanting the sun to heat the earth’s surface and clear up the interference in the GPS software.

That is the path I took Thursday morning to remain current with the program offered by the judge as a substitution to incarceration. It would be 0935 when I left, 5.54 miles one way, I would take one break along the route which lasted 1:41:33, but as I would remove all detectable metal objects from my person outside the courthouse one of the cell phones would ring.

Where are you; it is 1118, you’re late, you are never late?

I had to walk today, and because I am a do’er, I do things.

I was on a mission when in route, but now, now I need a taxi. It was just so that two miles from the courthouse is another familiar coffee shop. Sitting there enjoying lunch not knowing if the walk home was going to happen.

…an interpretation.

Auscultation

The stethoscope, but the intended use is the search for trapped miners in Utah with little success. Seismograph.

The introduction of a device in relation to the body; with the ability to discover health or otherwise. Stethoscope.

A marriage of doctor’s image/stethoscope/title/history;

with the perceived assistance in diagnosis. Rapport- Sprague.

Transition to a personal story describing an event in the author’s life detailing thoughts had while listening to a digital copy of the heartbeat of the child within his wife’s womb. iRapport- Sprague.

A second story of trapped miners; only with a happy ending.

Ultrasonic

The discussion included the desire to hear the sounds of a racquet ball game; along with the stress relief that was encouraged. Lighting.

Followed by a scientific evaluation of the noise level of a racquet ball game; along with biological benefits. Bump.

Hissing.

A short description of the experience the author had at a festival where the drums bombard the senses with a percussive background. Accompanying the sensation was the awareness of physical euphoric changes evolving in surrounding persons. Quickly brought back to reality was the crowd with the appearance of police men. Drum.

The vision of a father playing racquet ball against a familiar opponent; also a competitor. Recorded in the mind, with all the noises surrounding a game, and the determination and aggressiveness grunts and screams indicate. Scream.

Perhaps the most interesting story thus far. One that concludes that some people can not live without noise, and thus dependent. A re-introduction to the soothing sounds created by biological processes taking place as one develops in the womb is the suggested practice for persons trying to sleep. A machine that will produce ambient noise to encourage rest has many versions that all claim to enhance brain development. Womb.

Behavior will be influenced by many actors and events, but none as biological as pregnancy. Move.

About walking, only fast pace, and the endorphins released during prolonged participation. Thud.

With black market efficiency did operations happen. Fluid.

An indication of dire straits in a background of celebration. Twinkle.

Dire straits averted, and back home. Wish.

The focus so intense that all sense becomes singular. Wash.

All of a Dither

Etymology of dither.

A history of memorable moments leading to child birth, with a descriptive sound exchange.

A history of what it means to apply a dither to a mechanical meter.

A Fonzarelli fix…

An accounting of dither with the metaphorical influence of past authors.

The dither as it relates to booster cables.

The birth of a baby accompanied by the sound that is included with separation.

The effect on electronics. Dither.

Children, but in retrospect, a dither.

Seven Fathoms Down

1fathom/6′

To cockle, or is it a cockle, or the waves cockle along the shore, comes the sensation inspired by emotion that encourages the expansion of the cockle. With expansion and contraction producing a flush that, along with situational awareness, is the result of emotion.

2fathoms/12′

When one becomes the other; how sight influences sound, and sound becomes sight.

3fathmons/18′

It is not the depth of the water that is of consideration when one feeds at the bottom; it is the prospect of capture.

4fathoms/24′

To construct an image from reverberated energy gives the ability see past sight.

5fathoms/30′

If, but not to give reason to measurement; while also forming a correlation with man’s desire for the advent of technology and a societal disconnect.

6fathoms/36′

With comparison between muckraking, a strategy use by journalist, and, as a last resort, dragging a lake in search for a body at the bottom of a body of water; an idea forms concerning behavior indicating all is lost.

7fathoms/42′

With a bite of an idea of writing style I will conclude this the most clever.

Bird Watching in Fresno

A move of location, a new neighborhood, and the protectionist thoughts of a father. Thoughts that lead to nostalgia, an affliction of intellect.

Sentimental memories to haphazardly navigate the past. Resourcing current memories, giving way to thoughts similar, and becoming a passenger of imagination.

Crown and Shoulder

Accident recovery and medical services are performed on the shoulder of the road so as not to impede thru traffic but for a limited amount of time. A period lasting longer than necessary because of an attentiveness of audience. To rubberneck.

Word semantics can lead the reader astray, but with reflection a right of course happens, and clarification evolves into context. Shoulder and Crown.

Reminiscent of a neighborhood past, which is comparable to all; lacking the street lamps to produce enough light to see at night; stands to reason neither would a sidewalk be provided. Macaw.

An intransitive verb is offered, to die. Concluding that Jesus died on their cross after being crowned with a crown of thorns. A crown crowned him by Romans in an effort to mock the king of kings, but only realized by those who rubberneck while passing-by. Crown.

The crown of thorns became a symbol of the suffering caused by unrelenting boredom in correlation with worship. Church.

With brief narrative of the compassion one brother had for the other, few words were spoken. Brothers.

A review of the time-line concludes a sentiment of sorrow. Grief.

Grief is enduring. The consistent thought is commensurate with an affliction. Meningitis.

Head injury is caused by insult to the cranium. Contrecoup.

The unseen talents of a father, and understanding. Clogs.

Nothing but morbid curiosity, with an indulgence in subjectivity, that allows for meaning making. To rubberneck.

A summary of injuries that encourage weakness in the shoulders.

Roadways are sloped in a way that encourages the correct path for water to take as it drains from the road. Culprits.

It is the arrangement of guest at the dinner table that will have persons seating near the ass, and get a serving of, cold shoulder of mutton. Cauld souther.

Spam, not just hot dog steak anymore; just as distasteful but comprised of ones and zeros. There are few email in-boxes with a commercial index unfamiliar with unsolicited notice, spam.

No less subtle is the pink of the meat. SPAM.

With the intense reds to indicate recent injury and death, it was the hoofs and heads of slaughtered livestock, that would influence a morbid curiosity. To rubberneck.

Writing provides understanding that will slow the gravitational pull of assumption.

Lag Time

A variable period intermittent of consequential occurrences. Relationships.

The King’s Last Game

Known for being the voice of rock music, but for nostalgia does one bring this fourth; a relation with similar participation as the day he died. Elvis.

Before the fatal visit to the bathroom a request was made of friends and family. Racquetball.

A social experiment or business idea would suffice; but as an effective way of escape. Playing a game.

A seduction created for players convinced survival is the perceived competition.

On Loitering

A fourteen day jail sentence was how Montgomery, Alabama viewed one count of loitering. MLK

But to repurpose in the pursuit of a purposeless objective is the action; with the event secondary, even inconsequential unless so. Loiter.

Provides fantastic monstrosities of thought which gives ways to the dangerous potential of the loiterer. Idleness.

The difficulty in defining something rather than nothing is subjective, a consequence of mind. While measuring the suffering or happiness of others is relative, a consequence of environment. Loiterer.

The most threatening of all potentiality is a venue society is most vulnerable. School.

The vagueness of ordinance, and the lack of intent, has the possibility of turning criminal; which is seen as way to influence behavior. Because of over-reach perpetrated by the majority has been adjudicated. Lawsuit.

Mosquito. Passive Deterrence.

Passive deterrence is the best enforcement for the teenager; the ultimate in-between. Purposelessness.

“They moved with ease and grace between the curbs, lingering in the in-between spaces with such sweet purpose.”

It Begins with a Knock at the Door

Life in the community seem in every sense normal; there were Larry and Myrtle, neighbors living across the street, and Jesse. Neighbors.

Parasite.

I thought I am going to write about this; Larry fell in the tub.
…persistence of biology

Being discharged from the hospital unable to manage life, and with the social awkwardness of a traumatic brain injury, I would attempt to re-establish myself as a community leader.<a

An injury is an excuse to showoff biology’s innate ability to overcome what seems insurmountable. I have been responsible for injury to both vegetative life forms; the first being deliberate, an axe, and the second as a result of an accident.

The tree that recovered from attempted murder is not special, just determined. I would attempt to chop it down to increase the space of the drivable driveway. I had recently been discharged from the hospital after a three month stay resulting from a traffic accident. After learning to walk, I would try landscaping as a part of daily activities. The axe I did find in the house was dull and loose, but after a filing and securing the head to the arm it would be a matter of dexterity.

I would glance at my watch half an hour later, and again I would look at the progress; if only to decide that I would just break it apart when it was dead.

Recently I would move a section on fencing forcing the bending and breaking of the tree pictured secondly. Being that it was seven, six foot square galvanize steel fencing pieces, chained together to create forty-two feet of straight fence. I created a doughnut with a circumference of forty-two feet, and bowled it where I wanted it.

As the spring season is upon us so are the insects, and worms; bag worms. I have taken the liberty to trim the tree below of the bag of worms; which meant I would remove one half of the leaves.

It was a week before I would discover

It could be explained by something in the water; I drink the water from the well, and the trees by way of their roots. Both have biological systems that repair and then rebuild from the cell level.

This is my announcement regarding my presidential candidacy 2016, thank you for support.

Without the force of cell division and repair, we Sapiens would have never made it this far. The same force drives all living things and it is amazing. Good luck on your run for president. I was afraid that we wouldn’t have enough.


Been chasing her all week…

It started Monday morning with an average speed of 3.32 miles per hour (mph), and taking 17.533 minutes.

My means of transportation was out of town; so naturally being a resourceful man and one who favors money I would walk. I would walk the mile distance to and from a coffee shop each morning; even taking an additional jaunt on the last day to record a pedometer reading of 12,383 steps. (an additional four miles) But all attempts were for not and the thirteen chances I had to record a fifteen minute mile have been eclipsed by the present.

By Wednesday morning I was at an endurance level to allow for the average speed to be 3.7mph; but that would be the highest. By Thursday I would have a change in mentality, one that considers the distances covered in the past, and the time remaining in the warm season.

#GWH

Cinco de mayo…

The Mexican holiday is much reason to celebrate, but I am not Spanish. That did not stop me from celebration.

The date will commemorate a few personal events. Arrest were made on that day over a course of a few years; not because of a celebratory experience but drugs were involved.

It was a long day at school, or a long morning, but I was on the bus at 1400 to arrive at the library around 1520; all to place me three miles from home, which I routinely walked in one hour. Passing the Mexican sports bar allowed for the connection to be drawn concerning cinco de mayo and fun.

I would get off at the next stop.

I was handcuffed to a steal bench in the most awkward position, and would wonder why it had taken me so long to wake up?

The following year I would spend the day in treatment for an allergy to alcohol. Nostalgia in relation to an event celebrated exactly zero times as I grew up is an affliction of intellect. Some times I will disregard the superior recall to nothing more than the result of memory games as a child; or the psychedelics used for entertainment while growing up.

The year after that, the day after the holiday was spent waking up in county jail to charges pertaining to a moving violation while drunk. No vehicle accident would lead to an arrest, just a repeat offender being offensive!

So this years celebration, in keeping with a similar theme, will take place in a courtroom. Mitigation will happen concerning failed drug screening.

Somebody got to be that guy!

When it soothes for a month less…

A review of journal entries concludes a count of pushups and situps in close proximity to seventeen hundred while requiring a week’s time; all inspired by the most unlikely catalyst.

I ran out of oxycodone on 5/23/2015, and it was not long after waking-up that my body was screaming; I would ingest fifteen milligrams of hydracodone to settle withdrawal panic, but before that could work I ate four milligrams of suboxone for an understanding of the drug addled brain. I could not shake the pain; so I would drive my body so hard and with a certain intensity.

On 5/24/2015 I was outside by 0930 and before 1000 I had completed 100 pushups, 100 situps, and had walked one mile. I would complete the same program after dinner; 100 pushups, 100 situps, and walk one mile 00:18:40.

On 5/25/2015 I completed two hundred pushups, and walked four miles; two trips around the house then thirty pushups; repeat. Two trips around the house then twenty pushups; repeat. Two times daily. With a pedometer reading of 9700 steps for the day; which equates to 4.7 miles. I have forgone the situps until the bruise heals and the cushion comes by mail.

By 5/26/2015 I have already worked up to 100 pushups, and one mile walk, and on 5/28/2015 I started exercise indicated by two miles of walking and one hundred pushups.

Started the day with a quick breakfast on 5/29/2015, and then it was on to a workout. Within a hour I was able to complete two hundred pushups, two hundred situps, and a one-point-six mile walk; all before 0900.

The late morning workout consisted of two hundred and thirty-five pushups, two hundred and thirty-five situps, and a walk of two and a quarter miles; within one hour and forty-two minutes.

After breakfast, on 5/30/2015, I would break away and complete two hundred situps, two hundred pushups, and walk two miles; all before ten in the morning. And again after dinner I would complete two hundred pushups, two hundred situps, and a walk of two miles; anyway I recorded a 17,159 step count on the pedometer; which would equate to nearly eight miles in daily activity.

Morning workout consisted of two hundred and forty pushups, two hundred and forty situps, and a walk of two miles. The evening workout consisted of two hundred and forty pushups, two hundred and forty situps, and a walk of ten miles over the course of the day.

The past week has had a mental fuk; which would inspire 1915 pushups, 1515 situps, and a twenty mile walk.

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6-1-2015

The morning workout consisted of two hundred and forty situps, two hundred and forty pushups, and a two mile walk; within an hour’s time.

The afternoon workout consisted of two hundred pushups, two hundred situps, and a walk of two miles; and with all day activity recording a step count of 11884.

6-2-2015

17,602 was the recorded step count.

6-3-2015

After breakfast I would complete 174 pushups (pulled muscle), 350 situps, and a 7138 step walk.

Afternoon workout consisted of twenty trips and two hundred situps; with a 6861 step count.

13,999 was the recorded step count.

6-4-2015

10,456 was the recorded step count.

6-5-2015

8,615 was the recorded step count.

6-6-2015

10,221 was the recorded step count.

6-7-2015

11,443 was the recorded step count.

6-8-2015

I do not want to be monitored at all; I am going to jail on Wednesday.

6-16-2015

I completed twenty trips along with two hundred pushups for morning exercise.

I completed another forty trips and one hundred pushups.

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6-17-2015

I choose to rest today, but only until after breakfast; it would be two hundred pushups, and a walk of two and a half miles. All done within forty minutes.

After morning appointments and lunch I would preform an afternoon workout consisting of forty trips and two hundred pushups; with the recording of 15,000 steps before 1600.

After dinner workout included twenty trips, and one hundred and fifty pushups.

6-18-2015

The morning workout consisted of six pushups, and a four mile walk.

Since May twenty third I have completed 3185 pushups, walked five miles a day on average, and completed 2500 situps.

I then would complete thirty trips throughout the day.

6-19-2015

It was endurance that won the day; 25,274 was the step count for the day, but also having done two hundred pushups.

6-20-2015

I would start the workout simply by walking; starting slow mid-morning; twenty trips.

Later, at 1203, I would attempt fifty trips concluding each trip with ten pushups. Fifty trips equates to around fifteen thousand steps, and five hundred pushups is a workout for any man.

It was 1342 when I would complete my attempt; because on the eight pushup, on the forty-eighth set I would collapse. I would then shower and meet the family for dinner, but after dinner I would finish what I had started. So, fifty trips and five hundred pushups were history, but I could continue; so that is what I did. It would be ten more trips concluding with ten pushups, along with forty trips concluding with five pushups. For a total of eight hundred pushups and twenty-eight thousand six hundred and ninety-two (28,692) steps. I am at a net negative for calories today.

6-21-2015

A morning workout of fifty trips equating to 12,228 steps.

Afternoon workout consisting of 25 trips concluding with ten pushups, and the remaining trips until fifty with five pushup; for a to total of 375 pushups and a step count thus far of 24,919.

Early evening workout consisted of forty trips, and 325 pushups; with a step count of 33,619 before 1900.

In today’s activity I was able to do 700 pushup and record a step count of 34,198; which would equate to more than fifteen miles, eclipse 280 minutes, and 1653.5 kcal.

6-22-2015

I will forgo the evening workout and finish the day with 250 pushups, and 16,000 steps.

6-24-2015

The first record of exercise is 5/24/2015, and for the next eight days I would complete 1915 pushups and 1515 situps; the difference being a bruised tailbone. That activity level would inspire for the next day a step count of 11884, and 240 pushups and 240 situps. And then record 17,602 as a step count on 6/2/2015. On 6/3/2015 after breakfast I would complete 174 pushups (pulled muscle), 350 situps, and a 7138 step walk; with the afternoon workout consisting of 20 trips and 200 situps; with a 6861 step count. June 6, 2015 was spent at a gun range throughout the morning, and into the afternoon leaving time for a workout comprised of a meager 20 trips around the house. 6/7/2015 the workout consisted of 40 trips around the house, split in 2 separate workouts; each eclipsing 60 minutes. Consistency is important with regards to all things positive; 10 trips around the house would take me 30 minutes, and this morning, 6/11/2015, was no different when 20 trips took 1 hour. I completed twenty trips along with 200 pushups for morning exercise on 6/16/2015. I completed another 40 trips and 100 pushups for an evening routine. The following day I choose to rest today, but only until after breakfast; it would be 200 pushups, and a walk of 2.5 miles. After morning appointments and lunch I would preform an afternoon workout consisting of 40 trips and 200 pushups; with the recording of 15,000 steps before 1600. After dinner workout included 20 trips, and 150 pushups. The morning of 6/18/2015’s workout consisted of 6 pushups, and a 4 mile walk. (Since May twenty-third I have completed 3185 pushups, walked 5 miles a day on average, and completed 2500 situps) I then would complete 30 trips throughout the day. It was endurance that won the day, 6/19/2015; 25,274 was the step count for the day, but also having done 200 pushups. On 6/20/2015 the exercise was intense for a total of 800 pushups and twenty-eight thousand six hundred and ninety-two (28,692) steps. And in 6/21/2015’s activity I was able to do 700 pushups and record a step count of 34,198. I will forgo the evening workout and finish the day with 250 pushups, and 16,000 steps on 6/22/2015. The only record for the 6/23/2015 is a pedometer reading of 16,749 steps. And as for today…

7-5-2015

The first record of exercise in a daily journal I keep is 5/24/2015, and for the next eight days I would complete 1915 pushups and 1515 situps; the difference being a bruised tailbone. That activity level would inspire for the next day a step count of 11884, and 240 pushups and 240 situps. And then record 17,602 as a step count on 6/2/2015. On 6/3/2015 after breakfast I would complete 174 pushups (pulled muscle), 350 situps, and a 7138 step walk; with the afternoon workout consisting of 20 trips and 200 situps; with a 6861 step count. June 6, 2015 was spent at a gun range throughout the morning, and into the afternoon leaving time for a workout comprised of a meager 20 trips around the house. 6/7/2015 the workout consisted of 40 trips around the house, split in 2 separate workouts; each eclipsing 60 minutes. Consistency is important with regards to all things positive; 10 trips around the house would take me 30 minutes, and this morning, 6/11/2015, was no different when 20 trips took 1 hour. I completed twenty trips along with 200 pushups for morning exercise on 6/16/2015. I completed another 40 trips and 100 pushups for an evening routine. The following day I choose to rest today, but only until after breakfast; it would be 200 pushups, and a walk of 2.5 miles. After morning appointments and lunch I would preform an afternoon workout consisting of 40 trips and 200 pushups; with the recording of 15,000 steps before 1600. After dinner workout included 20 trips, and 150 pushups. The morning of 6/18/2015’s workout consisted of 6 pushups, and a 4 mile walk. (Since May twenty-third I have completed 3185 pushups, walked 5 miles a day on average, and completed 2500 situps) I then would complete 30 trips throughout the day. It was endurance that won the day, 6/19/2015; 25,274 was the step count for the day, but also having done 200 pushups. On 6/20/2015 the exercise was intense for a total of 800 pushups and twenty-eight thousand six hundred and ninety-two (28,692) steps. And in 6/21/2015’s activity I was able to do 700 pushups and record a step count of 34,198. I will forgo the evening workout and finish the day with 250 pushups, and 16,000 steps on 6/22/2015. The only record for 6/23/2015 is a pedometer reading of 16,749 steps. And for, 6/24/2015, the morning workout was twenty trips.

The time is now a week into July, but as for exercise it was very sporadic; not much done. On the first of the month, after a visit with a therapist I would eat after a short walk, and from then until this morning I was ill. Sickness compounded by a withdrawal would make the choice of remaining home for the fourth of July, but on the fifth I would come home from breakfast and declare I would produce a feet of endurance by walking five miles and conclude with five hundred pushups; at 0900 I went to do that and by 1106 I was done. The walk took one hour and forty-five minutes, along with the notion of not being to difficult.

So, at 1530 I would decide to attempt the routine again, but this time instead of fifty trips, ending each trip with ten pushups, I would want to lessen the number of pushups by two or five. Because of a want for consistency the plan had to be well thought out. But by 1700 I was done with another five mile walk, and five hundred pushups; electing to complete ten pushups in conclusion of all fifty trips. One-thousand pushups, that is all!

7-7-2015

1000 pushups, 28,500 steps.

7-8-2015

10,180 steps.

7-9-2015

After breakfast morning workout was 50 trips.

Afternoon workout was 75 trips, and 500 pushups. Around 20,000 steps thus far.

7-10-2015

12,441 steps and 600 pushups.

7-12-2015

25,758 steps.

7-27-2015

The morning workout consisted of 8000 steps within 1.5 hours

It was the first venture back into the familiar experience of physical exercise at the gym; notwithstanding the uncomfortable communication with others; others would like to catch up considering I have been absent for six months, whereas I am focused on my workout, making sure all is done; atleast all that I am able to do, and for a first in six months it was not to difficult to put others to shame. One hundred pushups and one hundred situps done in less than ten minutes. Then moving to the circuit routine consisting of five exercises at ten repetitions a piece; completing six circuits with varying weight. From there I would complete a flat bench dumbbell routine. After that it was a triceps workout on the cable pull down machine with five different apparatus for five different grip accommodations. And for a finish I would complete ten sets of five repetitions of both situp and pushup.

At home for the evening workout would consist of 7500 steps and 360 pushups within one hour.

7-28-2015

Morning workout was a one hour walk with a second trip to the gym.

7-29-2015

Walked for one hour this morning.


…of a different color!

Recently I met with an employment counselor to discuss the recent job offer made by Walmart; and the certainty of continued unemployment. I really do not feel bad. I received a phone call one afternoon from a woman at Walmart, she would leave message of a job opening, and to call back if I was interested; it was a local Walmart manager offering me a job at ten dollars an hour; which was discussed during the first interview.

Questions at interview:

Describe a situation were you had influence in the direction of a solution, and the outcome?

Describe a instance where a focus was achieved, and for how long?

In response to the first I would tell of a situation concerning the philosophy of a time conscious person, and the approach to daily activities.

In response to the next I would choose to describe the path I would focus on to rehabilitate, but also the determination to remain focused for a decade; and that at start was a walk to a gym that would eclipse three hours, but that now I could do one hundred pushups, one hundred situps, and walk one mile in twenty minutes.

By the end of the day a representative called to set up a second interview the following day; the following day as part of the job description the wage got lighter overnight by one hundred pennies. When prompted to negotiate a fair hourly wage; I responded it’s whatever.

It is not whatever, it is a double digit pay cut, and I knew that. I would exercise my displeasure when providing a sample for the drug screen.


…escape artist, not so much.

With the recent news of two convicts in New York having lasted on the outside for nearly three weeks before either being killed or captured; and now the most wanted man in Chicago having escaped prison in Mexico, I would like to impart the story behind my escape charge.

Being arrested while serving a jail sentence was new. Having gone from general population to in-house sanitation (janitor), and from there to work release I knew the jail and the routine of operation.

Having worked at the country club before incarceration made it relatively easy to get the job; once employed I would get to work and back to jail via rides with family, and after a routine had developed management would let us off from work at ten in the morning, I was not required to report back until four in the afternoon. I would walk home from work and then I would walk to a bar. I was at the bar to long, and my judgement was not good. I would then be dropped off within fifteen miles of the jail; concluding the walk there would allow for sobriety before entrance. The walk was demanding and I was drunk!

Arriving two hours late, and being drunk, would guarantee a stay in solitary. There were only seventeen days left of my sentence; I would spend all of them in solitary. All but the day spent transported to the commissioner’s office to face the charge of escape. Arrested while in jail, and with $1000 bail; at my bail review I responded to the accusation of escape by saying, how did I escape, when I walked back here? The bail was reduced by 90%. I got out of jail July 4, 1999.

The same officer to transport me from jail to the commissioner would be he same guy to respond to a party the morning of July 5, 1999 of a person whom was not invited. Life short, fuk it up!

A guy I was acquaintances with died this past

weekend. We were friends when I was at community college, and attended a Phish show around graduation, where we scored DMT. It was the first experience with the drug and it was awesome; after the show we went our separate ways. Danny would return the next night and try to sell the remainder of DMT as crystal meth to an unsuspecting undercover cop, busted!

Danny and I would have no interaction after that until I found myself back attending intensive outpatient substance abuse therapy at Kolmac. Danny was in attendance because of the current trials of an ongoing court case. Last Thursday at Kolmac in group Danny was very excited because all the charges had been reduced to one misdemeanor, and with the completion of Kolmac’s program he was set to remain walking the streets.

During a break from the group session Danny would pull me aside and discuss the fact he did not envision a future with the prospect of becoming self reliant; to which my response was to ask if he was suicidal? Danny said yes; so not wanting to be involved any further I would say that he needed to talk to someone and that someone was not me. I gave it no more thought.

Danny, over the many years, would display behavior such that he could get high from the pills used to moderate an opiate addiction. Danny would ingest all of the allotment of pills used to medicate his opiate addiction in order to get high, and it was a long weekend so the allotment was for four days. Walking out of the building I would proposition Danny to sell me some of his pills, but he wanted to celebrate his luck regarding legal matters.

The counselors at Kolmac were informed of the tragic occurrence when Danny’s mother would visit. I wander if she blames them because they provided him with the pills, or if there is animosity towards any of the counselors for knowing of the behavior, but not taking proper precautions.
_

Happy holidays…

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Progress associated with the accident in 1999 has become more of a mental exercise. After the accident I would elect to walk to a gym two miles from my house, adopt many workout routines, and was more concentrated on the physical aspect of my rehabilitation. Training for both strength and endurance, physical activity has taken place since 2001. The mental exercise is now more difficult than in the past, but I shall persevere. I am taking courses at a university and the past two terms have not gone well, but I am not giving up.

As for working, I do not do much.

Starting in 2012 I will begin training to compete in air rifle at the Paralympics 2016 Rio, Brazil. The fact I was a competition shooter before being injured has had an influence in the decision to compete. I will start practicing to enter local matches in 2012, and I will have developed a serious routine by 2016. I will need to prepare mentally and physically and I will have wanted to experience all situations in practice as those confronted at the Paralympics.

I am struggling with the dating scene, but will have better luck in 2012. It is only fitting that…

This walking that I do, well, it started as a way to rehabilitate the muscles needed to walk, and two years after using it as a way to get to the gym, walking would become a means of transportation. The closest bus stop was three miles away, and the bus was the way in which I got to school. I would average walking eight miles in the trip to school and then home; bus ride-transfer-bus ride. And because impatience is trait I would forego the second bus ride, and decide to walk to the school. In January of 2011 I would discover an application associated with my cell phone which would monitor location by way of GPS and time my walk. I would make use of that nearly every time I would walk, and by May I was in the top fifty participants of fifty-five hundred around the world. Because I could view my progress online, everyone could, and so I wanted to be number one. In the month of July I would walk one hundred and sixty miles, my high, and would rise to fifth place. So far this year I have walked over seven hundred miles!

Through my travels I have settled on having breakfast at Einstein’s Bagels. Where I have become friends with some of the regulars, and not all of them dislike me. There have been many trials with restaurants serving me breakfast in the morning; first there was Double-T, and the regulars in there thought it fitting that I quit school and remove debris from intersections. Then there was Bagel Bin where I would take advantage of multiple employees, but I admitted to the opportunist error and paid the money owed. From there I would travel the greatest distance to Einstein’s Bagel, which is adjacent to the bus stop. Einstein’s opens at 0500 and I will make that the destination most days. Recently a coffee shop opened one mile from my house, and I stop there on occasion but it does not open until 0700.

As for a plan to successfully become independent I intend to get a vehicle at the beginning of 2012 to help with transportation. After obtaining my bachelor degree I will start work, equates to I will get there when I get there. Because of having a difficult time with growing up, and the whole accident becoming an impedance in the experience timeline, I have decided to take time with the rest of my life and breathe as long as possible! With that said I will attempt to get a job and go to school, but the job may be an early casualty to my studies.

happy Holidays,

charles Cramer

…Legend in my own mind.

It is easy to arrive at said conclusion when one has pleasantries with another and is referred to as a legend, and again with another, this time a warrior.

The warrior comment came in response to over one hundred pushups and over one hundred situps a day in inpatient rehab; that along with an hour at the gym everyday would elicit comments regarding the need for rest. Comments such as, one can not go all the time with no rest, and the like; but undeterred I would complete nearly three thousand situps, and nearly twenty-four hundred pushups the first three weeks of a twenty-eight day inpatient program. (If there was any misunderstanding of stress relief)

Without the need of applause from anyone, makes actions deliberate and specific.

One will get enough sleep when they’re dead, is how I have heard it.


Persistent…

Because of the necessity of keeping scheduled appointments with court appointed representatives always; and because of the first postponement of anything scheduled from the week previous will arrive with a criticism unwarranted.

Walking as a means of all transport was hard, and that is why I do not do it anymore, but when the time comes.

The blister that was created was not of issue until two weeks later when I would peel it off so close to where the tissue is connected; with each step I am reminded that the tear was inaccurate.

Awaking I thought of the possibility of not doing anything in an effort that my heal would heal.

But that is not what I believe, I believe that the increased heart rate would produce adequate blood flow to the general area; thus encouraging healing.

Fifty-one more… a year in review…

It will be the first time to succeed this year, and dispense with the reputation this day carries; so far the only issue is work itself, and having to participate.

The resolution I choose to carry forward is to be familiar with life challenges more so than previously; with that said the strategy of procrastination evolving into productive behavior has been thought of; so as to make ending 2015 a success, or at least not to difficult.

With that said I will continue; as for the first week I saw a reduction in work hours, which came as no surprise in that I am not a team player. I do not receive the hourly wage of two, or three people so i will not do a second job of ensuring another job is done.

The free time will be spent writing, getting to the gym, or the discovery of self. I have shoveled the driveway once so far this year, and with a storm approaching I am sure to have the opportunity soon.

The week went by with little excitement including not going to the gym, and without shoveling the driveway. I saw a decline in the number of hours required to work.

“So, how much do you make hourly?”

Its not worth it.

“Yes it is; it is more than zero.”

At least there are six days until the next update is required; this week being the first late arrival one knows of no format.

The work hours have started to increase, and working Tuesday and Friday of the same week has not happened for two weeks.

There is no situational concern about the court system, and all legal concerns; although I must make arrangements to visit with a representative of the Social Security Administration regarding income.

The twenty-second until the twenty-fifth of the month of January included for trips to the gym; and by the forth I was completing warm-up, circuit, and weight training. It would be only on the forth that that would be accomplished, and not complete. Included in the four trips were 220 pushups, 220 situps, 17 sets of a circuit, and a single back workout. Easy does it!

It started as a way to LiveJournal every Monday for the year, but by the forth week the updates would take place before the next update was required.

And so for the second week inseriesum it is Thursday when updating and the fifth of fifty-two weeks. Everything is how it should be considering decisions made, but the willingness to accept the role is hardest.

With the day progressing it is the conclusion of the sixth week of what has been a fortunate winter with regard to snowfall; I have only been required to shovel the drive a few times.

The program sanctioned by the court system has been progressing and I have moved to phase two of a four part program.

Work has been trying at times but overall a success; I have been employed about six months. I provided management a letter describing my position on the prospect of wearing a glove other than theirs.

It being 0628 on the seventh Monday of the year is indication of the desire to align activity with calendar.

This year is progressing with little in the way of snowfall; which will allow the time away from work to be considered rehabilitation. The time needed for complete pain free movement is seventy-two hours, getting only sixty-seven and a half is still a noticeable difference in the morning.

With the passing of the eighth Monday, but before the next, would include two more opportunities to shovel snow off the driveway; with the former measuring eleven inches, and the latter three.

Coming with the arrival of the ninth would include the increased hours at work; but also the deciding day concerning a treatment program adopted; also the neglect to attend a sanctioned meeting for the first time.

With the passing of the tenth comes the passing of a desire to work as a dish washer.

So, here I am, jobless, and with the passing of weeks it has felt only a moment in time.

A creative ability would have one produce a through overview of the current assessment regarding the necessary requirement encouraging sobriety. But one needn’t travel far to understand a belief in what is necessary for a productive day, week, month, year, decade, and life is that which is a principle to a life in progression, a refusal.

With the next in succession upon us I regretfully report that I resigned my position as a dishwasher.

I have begun the process of gaining employment elsewhere.

I have begun an argument concerning cannabidiol and tetrahydrocannabinol; only problem, if I loose I can go to jail.

On to the next, and without the forfeiture of logic that can slow one down; as the start of week thirteen is here so is an excitement to write. I was in attendance at a conference sponsored by the Brain Injury Association of Maryland, https://cacramer.wordpress.com/2015/03/28/annual-visit/. I have discussed a paper written about death; https://cacramer.wordpress.com/2015/03/29/1490/. I chose to write of an adventure experienced after being released from jail, but before being hit by the car. https://cacramer.wordpress.com/2015/03/30/are-you-you-or-you-gonna-help-me-out/. I then chose to record the logic pertaining to decision making while working, https://cacramer.wordpress.com/2015/03/10/my-dishwashing-experience/.

Having lasted the first quarter of the year with very little snow fall, and not consistently participating in gym activities, I feel inspired to schedule gym time starting next week.

That and the desire to remain consistent  in schedule and activities will allow for the proper planing. Which will then conclude with the network in place to start a daily grind.

It is the end of the week that concluded the end of the first quarter of the year. I completed the interpretation of a book of short essays; I have registered cacramer.com and .biz with ICANN. Done in preparation of securing a following that remains curious to the activities of a derelict, delinquent, drop-out, disabled convict; “Quad Dee” or “Double-Deez-Nutz” for short.

The day’s date being inspiration for celebration among a specific demographic one that has only recently become known. Of course, I am talking about five days past the day all taxes are to be filed; includes a ritual reserved for end of the week celebration. With the first quarter of the year came an understanding of social order, and placement. (4/20/2015)

I am listing things I can do regarding job placement; it will be the twentieth Monday thus far when I will need two viable leads.

With the surge in marijuana related businesses in other states, and the employment counselor not being location specific, one does not need genius; two leads done!

I proceeded with my weekly assessment of the progress associated with employment with the employment service provider; the meeting 5/18/2015.

As another Monday has past a review of the situation concludes the prospect of a job at Walmart, the start of university study, and living for the better.

Over the last month ending 6/8/2015 I would ingest all of the pain medication by 5/23/2015; which meant that withdrawal symptoms were intense the morning of 5.24/2015.

On 5/24/2015 I was outside by 0930 and before 1000 I had completed 100 pushups, 100 situps, and had walked one mile. I would complete the same program after dinner; 100 pushups, 100 situps, and walk one mile 00:18:40.

On 5/25/2015 I completed two hundred pushups, and walked four miles; two trips around the house then thirty pushups; repeat. Two trips around the house then twenty pushups; repeat. Two times daily. With a pedometer reading of 9700 steps for the day; which equates to 4.7 miles. I have forgone the situps until the bruise heals and the cushion comes by mail.

By 5/26/2015 I have already worked up to 100 pushups, and one mile walk, and on 5/28/2015 I started exercise indicated by two miles of walking and one hundred pushups.

Started the day with a quick breakfast on 5/29/2015, and then it was on to a workout. Within a hour I was able to complete two hundred pushups, two hundred situps, and a one-point-six mile walk; all before 0900.

The late morning workout consisted of two hundred and thirty-five pushups, two hundred and thirty-five situps, and a walk of two and a quarter miles; within one hour and forty-two minutes.

After breakfast, on 5/30/2015, I would break away and complete two hundred situps, two hundred pushups, and walk two miles; all before ten in the morning. And again after dinner I would complete two hundred pushups, two hundred situps, and a walk of two miles; anyway I recorded a 17,159 step count on the pedometer; which would equate to nearly eight miles in daily activity.

A morning, 5/31/2015, workout consisted of two hundred and forty pushups, two hundred and forty situps, and a walk of two miles. The evening workout consisted of two hundred and forty pushups, two hundred and forty situps, and a walk of ten miles over the course of the day.

The morning workout consisted of two hundred and forty situps, two hundred and forty pushups, and a two mile walk; within an hour’s time, on 6/1/2015. The afternoon workout consisted of two hundred pushups, two hundred situps, and a walk of two miles; and with all day activity recording a step count of 11884.

The past week has had a mental fuk; which would inspire 1515 pushups, 1915 situps, and a twenty mile walk.

This week I had a court appointment, and it went well.

I was prepared for all accusations, but I would need only to relay the progress in school, the employment picture, and the current participation in therapy.

Populated docket it was not, and the state’s attorney was calling three at a time. I was in third group to stand in front of the judge and testify to the constructive behavior exhibited daily; or destructive behavior that has become so foreign there is amnesia.

With another passing is the start of school, and the front of a programming career; like mom dressing you for school, front.

The time is now a week into July, but as for exercise it was very sporadic; not much done. On the first of the month, after a visit with a therapist I would eat after a short walk, and from then until this morning, 7/5/2015, I was ill. Sickness compounded by a withdrawal would make the choice of remaining home for the fourth of July, but on the fifth I would come home from breakfast and declare I would produce a feet of endurance by walking five miles and to conclude with five hundred pushups; at 0900 I went to do that and by 1106 I was done. The walk took one hour and forty-five minutes, along with the notion of not being to difficult.

So, at 1530 I would decide to attempt the routine again, but this time instead of fifty trips, ending each trip with ten pushups, I would want to lessen the number of pushups by two or five. Because of a want for consistency the plan had to be well thought out. But by 1700 I was done with another five mile walk, and five hundred pushups; electing to complete ten pushups in conclusion of all fifty trips. One-thousand pushups in one day, that is all!

On this day, being the half way point on the way to a years conclusion; I find myself under surveillance by local authorities. It might be because THC has been found in every urinalysis done weekly since January. Now, when does it become a statical improbability that consistency overrides legality; I do not know!

But, what has now become a statistical probability are the surveillance hours I consume when there are real criminals doing real crimes.

I have been providing mixed results in drug screening that I conduct at home, as well as saliva swabs taken at the courthouse; I have violated the court imposed program; fun times. On or around July ninth I was still testing positive for THC (home test); but I tested negative for THC at the courthouse.

As for July tenth I am excited about doing 600 pushups in sixty sets of ten. The exercise is just away of staying focused on something other than consistently being tripped-up by marijuana law.

The following day would bring about another job; in that I was hired as a backroom associate at a local Target.

As of now I am in violation of drug court; paid the lawyer today, will hope for the best! I am concerned that a negative drug screen result last week and a positive result this week will conclude that drugs were ingested. I have taken at home drug screens periodically all week, all with positive results. FML

For the past two weeks ending Thursday 7/16/2015, I had taken two cotton swab drug screens, 7/9 and 7/16, that produced negative results for THC, but every day within the second week I would preform at home drug urinalysis; which showed positive results for THC. From Thursday, 7/16, until Tuesday, 7/21, I would exercise everyday and would remain at home unless at work; on Tuesday, 7/21, I took a drug screen cotton swab which produced a positive result for THC, but on that day I preformed an at home urinalysis which produced negative results for THC.

Told the court representative monitoring me, after she started a conversation claiming I was irritable because of withdrawal from THC, that the only withdrawal I was experiencing was from a high level of opiate use to inspire a pain-free shift while at work last Sunday, and that she was illiterate when trying to read me!

On the tenth day of August, and the thirty-second Monday, I am to be tried for a violation of the current program monitored by the courts. Spoke with my lawyer and to my surprise the hearing had been postponed until the second day in September. Life short, fuk it up!

The tenth of August would come and after talking with my lawyer I would discover that the case was not postponed, and that I was due in court within one hour. I was there but my lawyer was not.

The resolution to the aforementioned court hearing was not to happen until Thursday of that week. I would arrive to the court hearing and would produce a urine sample which included a positive result for THC. But because my lawyer was not there the hearing was postponed until Thursday, when I would be removed from the program, and thus sentenced for the violation. Thursday came with the news that the urine sample was sent to a lab for verification, and to the surprise of many, was negative for THC. I was then required to sign a short contract declaring I would remain THC free for at minimum ninety days.

I am grateful for many things but for the status arrived at through birth is most accommodating; in that there is a strategy to encourage a certain behavior. Where I am stubborn there is unending chivvy.

Today marks the thirty ninth occurrence, and marks graduation from an intensive outpatient program, for the second time in as many years. I would have to take action concerning the positive results for THC in the many drug screens. I am done, I have exhibited the required behavior for professionals to sign off on rehabilitation.

The program was not without its faults, but I managed to complete the six week program in three; not because I am a genius, winner, goto guy, but because I had been a graduate of the program one year earlier.

Now, to continue treatment after graduation is something I had not subscribed to on the first go around, and will consider it as an option.

As the forty second week is eclipsed by the present an awakening has occurred with regard to limits one puts forth to abide by. Limits of behavior has been the approach to a disciplined understanding of what is expected.

The forty third week has begun, and after this Monday life will never be the same. I got news that my father collapsed walking to his car after work, and then was transported to a local hospital; where he remains in a deep coma. My younger brother and mother have started the seven hour commute to the hospital, and will keep me apprised of any changes in his condition.

The forty fifth brings about much thankfulness; I mean it is that time of year, but also the idea my Father fell out, was comatose, regained consciousness forty-eight hours later, spent a week less hospitalized, and is back home for the holidays. The entire family will be able to spend an important time of the year together; a time that will mark the end of one year, but a new year’s beginning and all the joy that brings.

The forty-eighth time is now becoming present, and with it is the arrival of the Christmas theme. I remains part of the month of November, but after Thanksgiving, and that gives reason.

With the passing of the forty-ninth Monday of the year, there remains but three.

On the concluding Monday for a years time I choose to walk a familiar path, measuring two miles, to get a hamburger and coffee.

Far to early…

I got to the gentleman’s club shorty after 1600, looking to score pharmaceuticals. Because I was there on a mission I slowed played the arrival with a club soda.

After walking to the stage a few dollars, the dancers were off and about the room to collect.

“I am working to become a med tech; going to university, and working here, has me tired.”

Ya, you look good though; hey, do you think it is possible you arrange someone come here and serve me?

“Well the bartender is right over there; is that what you mean?

No, no; could you get someone to come here and serve me illegal contraband?

“I do not do drugs.”

Looking back; I suppose the stripper on the education plan was not the fit.

Are you going on the stage soon?

“Well I could; let me go ask.”

It was not only the speed in the pursuit, but also the determination of action that screamed novice; and to think she would dance the complete song tip-less.

“Sir, you are having to come with us; management no longer wants you here. I am asking you to come outside”

Five cops was over kill!

From the start…

The resolution I am willing to attempt is 52,000 pushups in one years time. I have completed 280 pushups after one set of exercises lasting two hours.  I have completed over 1000 pushups in a three day period. A week is seven days there are 52 weeks in a year, and 52,000 pushups should only be a problem if I did not manage time well.


…conflicted.

I do not like where I am in life, at all. I will do my best to not upset the family dynamics; the ones that have me work at Target at the age of forty.


…bout to be three.

The first came as a result of a desire to control, the second came as a result of being stupid, and the third came as a result of a repeat offender being offensive.

I was trying to get laid from a girl I had been dating for some time, and she was trying to sleep. I was intoxicated, and unable to listen. She would get up and leave my house, but because I was in possession of her car keys, I let the situation play out for a minute. When she did not return I went looking for her only to discover I was unaware of the direction of travel; but I had car keys. The police officer that would provide her a ride home would then return to the area.

As the trooper passed me as I was stationary on the side of the road, I quickly headed in the opposite direction and towards my house. I would hurry into the house, and retreat to my bedroom. Not thinking clearly was about to change; in that I would set up a line of cocaine that would bring about envy in most.

Walking out on the front porch to discuss the likelihood of me being the driver was stupid, and when the conversation alluded to that I gave my mother instructions to get my lawyer. I was arrested for drunk driving shortly after that.

Drinking all day meant drugs at night. As I drove out of the city it had started to rain, but that did not deter the two of us. We made a few stops, scored some drugs, and were on the way back to the highway. Because of a certain concentration on other than driving I became disoriented, and would collide with a parked truck.

I then would reverse away from the scene, stop, and turn left up a road; the top speed of my car had been reduced to single digits. The police were on scene within minutes, and I was in cuffs shorty after.

Before a court hearing to adjudicate the transgression in the city I would serve a short stint in county jail. After returning from work, on the work release program, drunk I would spend the remaining days of my sentence in lock-up. So being released on July fourth is memorable, and a reason to drink even though I was to go in front of a judge within one week for my actions in the city.

The judge did not lock me up but instead gave a long probationary period.

I was on probation for drunk driving working on the eastern shore of Maryland; when I was struck by a car while fighting in the street. The driver of the vehicle received his third drunk driving charge as result of the authorities arriving on scene. It would be another fourteen years until I was charged with a third drunk driving incident; so I can relate.

New Beginnings?

New beginnings should not be often had, I feel happen chance is best. If one succumbs to a certain amount of pressure to behave a particular way, and believe the best outcome would be to relinquish all responsibility and start over, by all means start over; but one should know that someone is dependent on follow through. If one is dependent then to find the source of contention is easy; if others are dependent it now becomes a lonely existence.

As for new beginnings I have had two memorable ones, a release from jail, and being discharged

after a hospital stay of three months. Each having similar characteristics but are vastly different in the mental fortitude with which to approach the new beginning.

The similar characteristics are the ways in which I would attempt to regain the old lifestyle, a lifestyle that concluded with incarceration, and being struck by a car soon after release. The stint of incarceration would conclude July fourth of that year, leaving reason to get inebriated. The only thing cramping a new beginning of my choosing was that I was due in court for charges incurred before being locked up, and because of the recent release incarceration was removed as an option for rehabilitation; instead a long probationary period was warranted.

Encouraging incarceration was a violation of probation charge of both the probationary debts to society I was currently fulfilling. Facing two and a half years incarceration, I would end up serving forty days. After the forty days were up I was set to begin a three year probationary period, but this time if I was not compliant it would be two years in jail; and according to the current history that meant at least a month away.

Working on the eastern shore of Maryland had its drawbacks, but I was unaware of them; all I knew was that I was away from home, and the probationary agent/office did not know me. It would seem that rehabilitation by way of incarceration would deter certain behavior, but it did not.

I was serving probation for a drunk driving charge, and was struck by a vehicle, while in the street, operated by a drunk driver; the irony is not lost.

Being discharged after a two and a half month hospital stay was welcomed even if I was unable to walk; I viewed that as a minor setback on the journey to do great things. As new beginnings start it is the perceived situation that matters most, and just being given the opportunity to get better was all I needed. Early in my recovery I would view it as a waste of time to hold any animosity towards the driver for the current situation. That fact was reinforced by a nurse telling me that my attitude going forward would influence my recovery.

December 23, 1999 was the discharge date, still lacking the ability to walk. I would participate in an outpatient program focused on occupational and physical therapy. For the first eight months of 2000 it was learning how to live with injury, and the rehabilitation that ensues. By 2001 I had made the decision to join a gym two miles east of my residence; also driving that decision was the desire for normalcy. I would enroll at the community college level in 2003 being thankful for any gym time I had had. The walk to the gym would eclipse three hours, but by the time enrollment occurred I was routinely walking a three mph pace. School became a dominate part of a daily routine; whereas I walked to the bus stop three miles away. I graduated in 2009.01/04/2016…

It is the first Monday of the year, and the fourth day.

My shoulder is well enough to attempt physical exercise this morning.

280 (5,10,8,5) pushups and a walk of four miles/two hours

100 (10) pushups and one mile walk/thirty minutes

130 (5,8) pushups and a two mile walk/one hour

130 (5,8) pushups and a two mile walk/one hour

My goal at the start of the year is 1000 pushups every week for a total of 52,000 pushups. As one can read more than half the weekly goal has been met. I will need to reconfigure the total after the first few months. 1000 seemed to be a lot, but if I can develop the stamina to complete that in one day, I will likely double the goal. I consider the year started yesterday; yesterday began the first official week, but it was the third day of the year. With that said an injury to my shoulder/back excluded me from physical exercise until today.

All times are rounded.


01/13/2016…

I awoke very tired, and I would attribute that to walking home from the bank yesterday; two miles within forty-five minutes.

Three days before the end of last year I would walk to the bank, and then back, with each trip time total separated by twenty seconds, and both under thirty-five minutes. Physical exercise is the easiest thing to fall away from, and the hardest to get back to; that is why I will walk to the bank today.

I would walk two miles away from my house in under thirty-five minutes, but the return trip would take thirty-nine minutes; the difference being a headwind of thirteen miles per hour in an easterly direction, and twenty-seven degrees Fahrenheit. Today was very bright, almost no clouds, and to provide the most surface area for the conversion of sun light to vitamin D, I wore short sleeves. It would not be a great distance walked leaving my house, that the notion of turning around for a jacket would arrive; but I felt that all that was needed was blood flow. So, once I was up to speed all would be fine.

The trip there included one car to stop to offer a ride, because the driver’s perception of me being cold. I responded to the offer by saying that I was trying to get back to my neanderthal days.

On the trip away from the house the headwind was a non-issue because I was headed east, but the walk home included thoughts of warming-up by stopping and going inside a place of business. I would goto Cafe Bene after banking for coffee and a warm environment. From one coffee shop to the next was about one mile, half way. Now I was headed west, and directly into the headwind; after my fingers went numb, the dexterity in my hands faded. As I passed the next coffee shop I would persist and not be deterred by the cold; walking up my drive, after walking for thirty-nine minutes, I would be overwhelmed by a sense of accomplishment.

I looked that cold bitch in the eyes and said we’re going to do anal, and you’re going to like it!

When will I learn?

Making the walk from the public space to a secluded environment for the purposes of an illegal drug deal, I would comment that events were transpiring just as they did in the city four years back when I got mugged. What is more striking, that time a knife was used as the motivator to hand over the bag I was carrying and all valuables.

As I followed the two men and ducked behind a row of bushes, and came around the tall fence encasing the dumpster, I would ready the money for transaction, but before I pulled it out I was looking at a gun being raised in my direction.

“Give me the money.”

I ain’t giving you shit.

I would use my left hand to impede the progress of the gun coming at me, and then start to back up, while being tackled; knowing I needed to make it around the dumpster, and to the other side of the bushes without getting shot. Once I made it to the road without getting shot, I was tackled from behind, the fight would ensue. As I was on the ground concentrated on the man with the gun the other one would hit me hard on the right side of the head. Not deterred from getting away I got to my feet and stopped the next car.

“Did they beat you up?”

They tried.

“Do you want me to call the cops?”

Fuk no.

“Do you want a napkin?”

Thanks.

The complete right side of my face was blood red. I did not know the extent of the damage until I walked back inside the mall, and used the facilities to wash up. As I was cleaning the blood around my right eye I thought of my next move.

As she walked away she uttered, chris this is not a manaja twa, indicating no need for a third opinion.

While waiting for my Uber pickup, I conveyed the notion of my willingness to participate in

a threesome.

I was brought into the office to discuss something with the HR manager and the supervisor. I was unaware of the duration in time also meant the former conversation had ended. It was because I was still current with the discussion, but she was not, that my innocent comment turned into sexual harassment. FML

Sidelined…


Because of a gait disturbance I have worn down the rear portion of the sole.

…resolutions part two

I do not know what the inspiration was at the start of the week, but on Sunday I started the weekly activity goal of 1000 pushups. The Wednesday before that Sunday I was found to be in violation of a court sanctioned program. That day, I was released from the program and all probationary requirements henceforth. I was free, and any crime I commit is done knowing of the consequence.

It was Sunday evening when I began with a mild 220 pushups. I was on my way to 260 but fell short. It was less than 24 hours later and I would complete 260 pushups in one continuation of exercise; five sets of three, five sets of five, five sets of eight, ten sets of ten, five sets of eight, five sets of five, and five sets of three; I will count off 258, 259, and 260 aloud. Within another 24 hour period I had completed the routine again, and now I was all but 260 pushups away from 1000. Before showering for the evening I would attempt the routine for the second time, but succumb to fatigue at 80 pushups. The next day, after breakfast, and before work I would complete the remaining 180 pushups to get to 1000 pushups. In the first four days of the 16<sup>th</sup> week the resolution of 1000 pushups/weekly was reached.

I would not be done with just achieving a goal, and after work on the fourth day of the week I would complete the routine of 260 pushups to achieve 1260. For the next

two days physical activity would concentrate on back&amp;bicep muscles. But for the seventh day of the week I would complete a morning workout consisting of 260 pushups, and a duplicate afternoon performance, for a total of 1780 pushups for the week, and four 520/day.

Resolutions…

It will be the start of a pullup routine that mirrors the sit-up routine, but I want to complete the two routines back-to-back. At the gym today I would complete the first seven sets of three sit-ups when I was interrupted by a member wanting to use the sit-up apparatus. Interrupted, because the intensity level requires a fast pace to ensure the heart rate does not fall below 280bpm, and so moving-on. Where I was completing sit-ups I would substitute a pullup. I would complete ten sets of three pullups, ten sets of five pullups, and ten sets of eight pullups; all with matching pushups.

So, after the tenth set of eight pullups I moved back to the sit-up apparatus and finished the remaining three sets of three sit-ups. I would continue with ten sets of five sit-ups, and then ten sets of eight sit-ups; all with matching pushups.

I was exhausted by the numerous pushups and so I would ponder a solution while hitting the heavy bag, and the solution was to alternate pullups and sit-ups. I completed 320 pushups for the first attempt at 600 pushups.

I would complete fourteen sets of ten pullups and fourteen sets of ten sit-ups to complete 300.

18,630 pushups so far this year; an average of 104 pushups a day. But considering the three month hiatus at the start of the year I would average 260 pushups daily to accumulate nearly 20,000 pushups

112 times of 300 pushups will be &gt;52,000.

I could complete 300 pushups daily for the next 112 days and take the last three months off. That would mean I completed in six months what was the yearly activity resolution. That could be indication of the “Get’it Done” attitude or how attuned to the physical ability. Either way IMA BEAST!


A day in the struggle…

As Andy stood out in the rain awaiting transportation, he would notice that the rain was stopping, and that meant a dryer state of being.

The car that drove by was a high end two door sedan, and the punk that yelled such hateful speech in his direction was not the policy holder.

“What you looking at, asshole”, was the one-sided exchange?

Andy was new to the city and did not want to offend others by uttering choice words in the direction of the car; also, he understood the public needn’t be aware of his intentions. Andy thought because he was looking at every car for the possibility of it being there for him, that he was specifically targeted.

It was not long before transportation arrived, but before leaving the parking lot Andy would instruct the driver to a location near the sedan.

Andy walked to the driver’s side and ran a key down the side of the door. Realizing the rain provided cover in a way by not having others look around Andy would kneel to avoid being noticed. As Andy rose after puncturing the second tire on the passenger’s side, he would look to the location of the taxi. When he did, he would notice the driver’s face.

When Andy got into the car it was silence at start, but Andy figured if the guy was freaked by the situation he could have left. Because the driver remained Andy would feel confident in explaining himself.

Andy would confess his actions to his mother the afternoon he committed the atrocity, but his father was not informed until the next morning. To which the response was surprising, and unexpected.

“How much money do you have in the bank?”

“You may have to pay for the door.”

“You just committed a criminal act, you do know that?”

“And you did it in front of a witness; you have to be more thoughtful.”

Not everyone is like me, Andy thought.

A memory imprinted in his conscious is his Father pulling out from the driveway in font of another car, and in doing so would cause the other car to apply the brakes forcefully. There was little concern about an accident because, 1986 Suburban one ton. Over the crest of the next hill the motorist, unhinged by what his Father had done, would pass on the left, glaring at the truck the whole time.

“Well, kids, the quickest way to an improvement in sentiment would be to encourage the opposite in another.”

And that is exactly what was done; only Andy was fortunate enough that the recipient of said encouragement was also the offender.

Evolution of routine…
I have not yet started shaving everyday, but neither have many. I have the mentality of a person who would. I am discussing, a something done everyday to the fan fare of few. Back to shaving everyday, it remains a start of daily activities; and because one has yet to start that simple chore I am a novice at routine based lifestyle.

Evidence of this is indicated in behavior in order to achieve an activity goal of 1000 pushups weekly for the year 2016. The first week in the year I was able to complete 640 pushups. Good start; the date of the second week’s start was 4/10/2016.

Toward the end of last year I was completing 100 pushups and 100 sit-ups in ten minutes regularly. And before that I found myself at a gym completing ten sets of ten or twenty pushups or sit-ups. But before this year consistency has not been there; I would work to having the ability to complete 300 pushups, but that was it; I would take the next few days or weeks off. But during this year having to complete 1000 pushups weekly has been laborious at times.

I would start with a pyramid scheme of five sets of three pushups, five sets of five pushups, and five sets of eight pushups on both sides of ten sets of ten pushups. I then evolved to doing the pushups in a more simple format; ten sets of three pushups, ten sets of five pushups, ten sets of eight pushups, ten sets of ten pushups.

But because I had a start with a deficit to overcome I would add an additional four sets of ten for a completion of 300 pushups.

That routine has morphed it to a pyramid consisting of ten sets of three pushups, ten sets of five pushups, and ten sets of eight pushups on each side of ten sets of ten pushups.

Life choices about sums it up!

For the second time in as many months I proceeded to my neighbor’s drive to alert the Uber driver I am the person whom has summoned an Uber ride for the purposes of transport. Its funny how I allow my behavior to promote an easy transaction; so much so, that I remain curbside, which is fifty yards from the door.

I do this because of the quickness with which my drive passes by on the road. I perceive that because the speed traveled along the wooded area, one mailbox hidden by tall grass is easy to pass; but one is a driver, and as one, direction’s are important, and customers are important too. The directions programed in the machine one is using leads to a spot within yelling of where I am standing; so in one fuking shot there is failure to follow directions to a customer, the two things a driver must keep straight.

Once proceeding in a return direction, indicated by the icon present on my cell phone screen, I will alert the driver of a car representing the make and model of a car dispatched by Uber by summoning them in my direction. I am standing alone at the end of a drive in the vicinity of a location where a person has summoned transport should be indication enough to the driver, but one ignores all reason and completes a turn into a drive fifty yards in front of the guy, waving and flailing his arms about to and fro. I as a fellow human can not accept stupidity on a level so rarely seen without malice.

On both instances the vehicle had passed the drive headed west. Now headed east the car would follow gps instruction to a preceding drive. With both memories so recent I am familiar with the smirks I got as I got inside the ride. I had seen the car was turning into a drive early so naturally I stopped traffic, while walking towards the vehicle, which proceeded to turn early after seeing me.

The first time, as I got in the car the driver was quietly laughing.

“I do not know why you are laughing, I would be embarrassed, you just displayed a level of stupidity rarely on exhibit anywhere.”

And the second. After slamming the door closed.

“Didn’t you see me? I shouldn’t have to find you.”

“I do 300 pushups each morning so I experience sanity.”

The driver picked me up, and we were off.

“We’re you go’in”, said the driver as I got in the car.

Yeah, well; it is not somuch a place as it is an intersection. Where two roads meet, Carey and Mount street I proclaimed resting in a seat.

“The main road will take us there you will need to turn around and head east.”

After the driver turned around we were on or way but having to rely on a memory far from the present encouraged commenting;

“It has been twenty years since the last time I did this.”

“People in these part do not take to kindly white folk.”

“Where’s all the weed at? The marijuana?”

“ThankYou.”

I perceive it this way, I was able to in a way provide an experience uniquely had. On the ride into the city the driver chose to discuss how an elderly woman would invite him in to a mansion on the estate, where she greeted him with pleasantries. On the ride home, after getting change made of the bill, I chose to discuss the differences in life choices one makes to arrive at owning and managing an estate, and driving to the city to cop some dope.

…the path less traveled!

It was around this time last year that I stopped going to a gym. In an effort to save time at the gym I would conduct ten sets either twenty or thirty pushups and sit-ups, and sometimes do squats to separate the two. I would perform ten squats on a Smith machine, then drop down a do thirty push-ups, and finally return to the sit-up apparatus.

I will get a call girl for my birthday next September, or Christmas.

Ten minutes is a long time when I am willing to do so much.

Upon review of the end of last year’s journal entries a few phrases that will influence the years to come. Also reviewed was the routine of pushups at the time, and the consistency with which the pushups were done. The routine was thirty walks with a pause at intervals to complete 230 pushups, and at the very end of last year I was completing 200-500 pushups daily, on days I did them.

The start of this year brought about a determination, and with renewed vigor. I would complete 640 pushups the first week of 2016. That would remain the total for more than three months. Stress concerning many situational concerns was debilitating, causing a three month hiatus in the beginning of the year. The pain associated with a swollen disc, the mismanagement of pain medication, and a supervised court program were all topics in contention for severity.

On April tenth of this year I would pursue the weekly pushup goal of 1000 for a second time. That week, and until now I have made a consorted effort in that pursuit. I had a late start

completing the pushups, but I would cross the 26,000 mark towards the end of July. The routine of pushups has evolved over the course of years, and is now 420 pushups within sixty minutes. I am working to establish the endurance to complete 1000 pushups; sixty sets of three pushups, forty sets of five pushups, forty sets of eight pushups, thirty sets of ten pushups.

There are many days I complete the routine of 420 pushups twice, but there are four days the total reached 1000. Next, is the routine of 1000 pushups!

Legal Studies 101…

This is a country of laws; it will remain a country through adherence of law. As a society founded on liberty it becomes imperative that the Federal government impose law.

Natural law is defined as the presumption of liberty and is inherent to all citizens of the United States. All of us are free to make mistakes within reason. Natural law can be universally understood through human reason. Natural law is trumped by case law, which is a court’s interpretation of a statute enacted by a legislature. The imposition of statutes or laws are what govern society, and in so doing improper oversight allows a discriminatory, or an unjust law to succeed.

Do you believe that people should not obey unjust laws?

No; as unholy, immoral, and complicated as the answer is, it is to understand the hierarchy of civilization. The State should make determination through courts on how to interpret the law and how it applies to a situation.

What factors should the court or individual use to make a determination?

The set of factors any individual should follow is called the law, and the courts should adhere to the law.

DO you think that the civil rights movement or gay movement would have made the advancements that it did if advocates only relied exclusively upon the court system to end discrimination ?

No, every movement that lasted time did so through advocacy. If the time line for civil right’s is an indicator of duration, the LGBT community needs more advocacy. I think the process our government has to legislate change is complex, and the judiciary is not a congress. A court’s ruling will provide interpretation of the law as it applies to a set of facts, thus creating precedence which becomes common. In that environment change is slow because the judiciary is adopting responsibilities delegated to the Executive branch of government. When the judiciary becomes the surrogate legislature a vagueness of stature occurs.

I would repeal laws concerning mopery, or marijuana possession. One is exposing oneself to a blind person, the other is blind ignorance.


Officer: How many DWI’s are on your record?

‘Bout to be Three!


It was back in March 14′ that I received a moving violation while intoxicated. The drunk driving charge was my third. The first came as a result of a desire to control, the second came as a result of being stupid, and the third came when I, a repeat offender, was being offensive.
So, in Maryland after the first drunk driving charge, each subsequent one carries one year in jail. I had been locked-up in the past, but not for three years consecutively. The gamesmanship started upon release.
I would start at a local intensive outpatient facility for substance abuse, all in an effort to reduce jail time. After three months, and successful completion in June 14′, I would arrive at the courthouse where my attorney would discuss the status with the State. The State was willing to forgo one year of the three years in compensation for the short stint at the clinic. My options were two years incarceration or twenty-eight days inpatient rehabilitation.
It was the end of June 14′ when I was discharged from rehab. Satisfying the judge would allow the two years of incarceration to become probation before judgment. While at rehab I would start intense physical exercise, having it be a deterrent from boredom. The exercise routine was strenuous for my lower back, irritating a swollen disc. When the muscles of the back get inflamed a nerve ending becomes pinched, causing consistent pain, and the solution was an opioid narcotic. Which, by the way, is superb pain reduction/elimination medicine.
It would be November 14′ that I discontinued the narcotic, and I would experience withdrawal for the last time. It was a potent experience that I was unwilling to consider again. By taking an opioid narcotic I was contending with either insomnia or constipation while working part-time and performing physical exercise. In December of 14′ I started research on a holistic approach. I could stretch the muscles and exercise them to improve any defect in the structural integrity; I could not remain sedentary because that begins to cause back pain. I would rather deal with the soreness of a muscle rebuilding, than the debilitating effects of back pain.
I had been released from jail July 4, 1999, only to be hit by a car as a pedestrian on October 9, 1999. I would remain in the hospital for three months. Upon discharge I could not walk and I suffered from aphasia.
I would enroll at the community college in 03′, but I found it difficult to relate to the other students. Because of a slight gait disturbance, and the aphasia affecting communication, I would transfer to a vocational school. During that time I would research the symptoms of brain injury and the possible afflictions that could explain behavior.
I would discover that many brain injured folks suffer from alexithymia on some level. Symptoms that I had noticed in my behavior were then explained in the definition of the word. Along with aphasia, alexithymia was real, and it gave reason for the period of time it took to acquire a degree; an associates degree within six years post-accident.
Back to the holistic approach, during the month of December 14′, while researching remedies for alexithymia I would read of the anti-inflammatory properties of the CBD molecule. I would then order CBD oil, a concentrate extracted from cannabis. Being monitored by the courts, and ingesting a substance from the cannabis plant could prove problematic. Instead of accepting the problem after the pain had started, I would approach the problem from the beginning, and prevent it.
It was soon after the start of 15′ that I would fail my first urinalyses for THC. That, the court had a problem with, but for months during 14′ it was alright for me to fail due to morphine. For the year 2015 I would fail many urinalyses for THC resulting in a violation of the program. On August 13, 15′ I would sign a Jeopardy contract.
It would be the start of 16′ that I would be found in violation of the court sanctioned program for a second time. I was to report to the courthouse, where my case would be referred to the judge, who would impose a sentence of no more than twenty-four months time.

The judge would fine me, and discharge me the same day. My attorney would comment before parting that he had never seen that happen. I had bought my freedom, and an understanding of the way the system works.

Undisciplined…
Undisciplined I am not. It was 00:11:15 into the third one hour event I would cross the 1000 pushup mark.

Yesterday I would attempt 1000 pushups, a goal achieved a hand full

of times this year; I would perform pushups from 0930-1030 (466), again at 1330-1430 (435), and again from 1630-1730 (*).  I would stop counting at 1000.

C-Note

The discipline streak just seems to keep going.

The day after my younger brother turned 36 I would perform 1000 pushups within a single event.

I was at it for nearly eight months before the ability would befall me. I marked yesterdays, 10/21/2016 event with a short post online.

“…I completed 1000 pushups within 120 minutes. At start of the year I was purposing I complete 1000 pushups within 168 hours. Now, I complete the task within a period measured in minutes. YeahBoi!#”

I pose the question, if one starts off at a pace of 1000 steps per 168 hours, but through determination, and motivated by relishing in intellectual prowess, one will achieve the same feat in two hours, do they attain 1% status?

cacramer

Pushup, a look back…

When I was contending with lower back issues, a swollen disc specifically, I began a regime of opiod pain killers, but every month i would experience withdrawal on some level. To take my mind away from processing the pain for a brief moment, and to ensure sleep, I would conduct a physical routine of pushups and situps. I had started performing the two exercises while at impatient rehab. As a stress reliever physical exercise is best.

There were times I would complete zero pushups, there were times that 260 pushups were done, there were times 300 pushups were done, there were times 420 pushups were done, and then there was the one time I would complete 600 pushups; all in pursuit of 1000 pushups. I had a number of days that would represent 1000 pushups, but not a single event.

I now complete 1000 pushups within two hours.

I wanted to build the endurance to complete 1000 pushups within 168 hours, and now I can do 1000 pushups within 2 hours; or as I say, plenty of room!

…draft

I intend to do 1000 pushups a week; was the entry on 1/1/2016. For the next three days a mental exercise was done in preparation of the first Monday of the year, and on that day I would conduct four rounds of a routine of pushups. My goal at the start of the year is 1000 pushups every week for a total of 52,000 pushups. 1000 seemed to be a lot, but if I can develop the stamina to complete that in one day. I consider the year having started on 1/3/2016. On the fourth day of the year I completed 640 pushups. It was not until around the last day in February that 130 pushups would be recorded to bring the two month total to 770 pushups. For the third day in March I would record 195 pushups; all done in a single routine. So, on the fifth day of March I recorded 80 pushups, bring the total to 1045 pushups. It had taken over nine weeks to accumulate the desired weekly total. To my credit I would perform the same routine

the next day. At the start of the eleventh week I had a pushup total of 1125. With the end of that week the pushup total had ballooned to 1181 pushups. And towards the end of March I would goto the gym a hand full of times where I would conduct a warmup before weight training. The warmup consist of 100 pushups and 100 situps within 10 minutes. A pushup total 1425 for the first quarter of the year was troubling. On the fourth day of April I would perform a routine of 260 pushups, and also I would realize the need to concentrate on pushups for adherence to the resolution. It would be the start of the sixteenth week that brought about renewed vigor, but also the end to a court sanctioned probationary term. I would complete 220 pushups after work bringing the total to 1645 pushups. So, on the morning of 4/12/2016 I completed the routine of 260 pushups. Within a three day period I have been able to produce a 740 pushup effort. That total is 260 pushups away from 1000, the routine produces a count of 260 pushups, and the routine is conducted within a hour’s time; five sets of three pushups, five sets of five pushups, five sets of eight pushups, ten sets of ten pushups, five sets of eight pushups, five sets of five pushups, and five sets of three pushups; I will count off 258, 259, and 260 aloud for affect. For the week I was able to produce a 1780 pushup effort, and almost double the current total for the year. The second week in April was the first week that 1000+ pushup was completed since declaring the resolution at the start of the year.

On Monday of week seventeen I would produce a 520 pushup effort, and conclude that the resolution was reachable. I would also change the routine but equating the same total. The next few days allowed for the endurance to conduct a 260 pushup routine multiple times; I would proceed with the routine of pushups twice daily, 260 all day, or one hour! The total number of pushups for the seventeenth week was 2640 pushups. I did 500 pushups on four days at the start of the week in succession. Friday was a sub 500 day, and Saturday was a sub one day! I will bring equilibrium to pushup count and time regarding resolution within the year. The second day of week eighteen and I will finish the day with 600 pushups. 600 was the completion of the routine of 260 pushups plus four sets of ten, twice. I have had multiple 600 pushup days 4/25/2016 was the first, and 4/29/2016 was the second. With the end of April I manage to complete sets of continuous exercise to produce 300 pushups; twice daily. For the last weeks in April 6350 pushups would be the total.

Its on, but it would be the thirty-second week, or first week in August that adherence to resolution would occur.

From that time on pushups would seem more chorey than not. On to the next goal, which would be 1000 pushups in a single routine. I was able to complete 1000 pushup in 120 minutes in October, but then I performed no exercise in November. One might think that would be a hard place to get back to, because physical exercise is the easiest thing the fall away from but the hardest to get back to.

Well, starting with the first Saturday in December I would maintain 100+ pushups every ten minutes, for twenty minutes. And the next day’s routine would be cut short because football. Monday of the
Abide…

I need to abide by a schedule posting new content to the blog. I am not organized well enough to produce readable content daily, and when the relatable does arrive I rarely have a pen, keyboard, or patience to engage the cell phone. The mode of recording must flow along with the thoughts else I become tangentially lost.

At the start I presumed the definition to be adherence to something; I will abide by the law. But after a quick word search I have found the definition to include the tolerance of. Which, more to the point, sounds better. I will tolerate the laws that govern, I do not like them, but I abide.

cnote

…is how I chose to spend some free time!

Christmas Eve…

Fail safe hangover remedy…


Ocho Cinco – 


1st,2nd,3rd…of January 2017

New year, new routine…

…60 minutes in the AM


The importance of an hour and what it has represented to my workout should be discussed. At start it would be difficult to maintain a consistent pace for the complete sixty minutes. I had been concentrating on completing pushups in the fastest time with consistency; quantity influenced quality, but through sets of three or five or eight or ten pushups I was able to progress into the hundreds.

The routine started ten pushups, ten sit-ups, and ten squats. It then morphed into ten squats with varying weight, twenty pushups, and thirty situps. The previous routines were conducted at gyms local to me; I have been completing calisthenics within the boundaries of my home.

Within the hour I have overcome many challenges; 260, 300, 420, 500. I started completing five sets of three pushups, five pushups, and eight pushups on each side of ten sets of ten pushups. And so, with four more sets of ten pushups the 300 pushup mark was reached. The routine soon became ten sets of three, five, and eight pushups on each side of ten sets of ten pushups. Thirty sets of ten pushups was the start of a 1000 pushup routine I have completed. 30 sets of 3, 5, 7, and 8, in addition to ten pushups thirty-one times. Performing the former routine a few times led me to to prospect of 100 sets of ten pushups.

The evolution has taken me to the pursuit of 100 sets of ten pushups. Within the last week I have started completing sets of 500 pushups within sixty minutes ending with the willingness to do more. I did not do more because the 1000 pushups are commensurate with overcoming a mid-life crisis, and I fail to perceive myself middle anything.

741 within 97 minutes!

I have uploaded the limit.

…then.


Interruption in a mindset…




I…

If nothing else…

My Mother died two months ago.

After her passing it was the following day that I chose to get outside and exercise; a distraction of sorts.

Last month, in my Mother’s home town, the church she attended as a youth hosted a celebration of life ceremony. It was there that I would make the claim that I possessed the ability to perform 1000 pushups in 120 minutes.

Back home I have worked hard at re-establishing the ability.

As a first routine of the day I was able to maintain a decent pace.

As for a second routine the pace is falling.

The encore was conducted with the pace lessened.

To reacquire the endurance needed to perform at a high level I chose to incorporate other exercises in the routine.

Above is the occurrences within the last couple of days; now to shorten the timeline, YeahBOI!

I do not know what is felt emotionally, or the interpretative language used in describing the feeling; somewhere between having an eight inch cock and octomom giving birth to the eighth baby.

I was able to complete a routine of pushups for 197 minutes today. Yesterday I completed a routine of pushups lasting 153 minutes and totaling 933. If past performance is indicative of future behavior it is on to the next!

Intro…

…ima beast, in the physical sense, and not in academia.

It has been realized that witnessing a man being struck by a car in no way prepared me for my own experince.

Events would take place after adopting a couple labels; dropout and convict. As I review the past I discover the many benefits of having been struck by a car.

The release from jail three months before the car accident, came as a surprise because the warden had extended the stint five days in solitary for being intoxicated. The surprise of release was not long lived because of a desire to GTFO.

It was only three months after release that I was in a coma after being hit by a car. Life had been full of doing what I desired; but now I could not walk.

After being discharge from the hospital, after a three month stay and unable to walk, I would decide to walk, in some form, to a local gym to exercise. 

After completing that routine routinely I would extend the walk one mile to arrive at a bus stop, and from there I would be able to attend a local community college.

After graduation, and with no job prospects, I wold revert to old behavior and spend time in county and city jails. Culminating with a third drunk driving charge, and facing three years incarcerated, I found myself admitted to an inpatient rehabilitation facility.

While at rehab I would avoid many patients by conducting calisthenics, and spending 60 minutes at the gym every day. I would find it difficult to relate to other patients because before attendance I would spend 3 months at an intensive outpatient clinic which allowed for withdrawal; which was also an inadequate effort to remain on the street. So as not to relive my experience with others, and dwell on every minute I was a patient, I would measure my time at the inpatient facility in meals consumed. 

It has been over a year since discharge, still I have no desire to return to an old lifestyle.

At the end of 15′ I was able to preform 100 sit-ups and 100 pushups within 10 minutes. For 16′ I would average 1000 pushups weekly.

This year has brought about the 1000 pushup routine; done within 200 minutes.